Currently, once again I barely get likes or matches on dating apps. When I swipe and look at the profiles of these women I noticed something. I am more interested in the type of women who want children than women who completely rule out wanting to have children. Despite the fact I never want children and I sympathized with antinatalism in the past.
The statement is more about the average likelihood I am interested in their personality. I often swipe women who want children (older than 25) left despite the fact I consider them interesting. I became close with one woman I met on a dating app and she wanted children. I always thought it will not last forever because of that. It turned out the had borderline and she ghosted me in record time after our first date.
I wonder though why this is the case. I am pretty convinced I don't want children and there is not much room to negotiate. I also don't want to convince these women to not have children. I think it is a very personal decision.
I think I am interested in well educated women. And sometimes the desire wanting to procreate as a woman feels to me selfless and altruistic. I know my mom told me as a child never get children they do too much work. I know I had such a smart mother who knew how to raise healthy children. It is probably the reason why I am on here.
Maybe I have mommy issues and want a mother type as girlfriend.
Despite all what I have just described. My rational considerations say to me that having children is also very selfish. There is a discrepancy about what I feel about those woman and what my rationality tells me. Maybe these are my biological instincts.
I think having children can have selfish and selfless components. Sacrificing everything for the sake of your child feels selfless for me. Your youth, your body, your sex life, your good sleep, huge parts of your income. Despite the fact my mom made my life a living hell because the way she raised was totally insane and very violent. She does everything she can that I feel good as possible now. I would probably never ever consider to do that much for any individual. But I also would never consider to beat up a child starting at the age of 5 on a daily basis as a proof of "love". She never said that though. I think she wanted to fulfill her vocational dreams through me. It was all totally insane. But the way my mom cares for me seems illogical to me. I would never do something like that for anyone. Maybe part of it is the guilt.
The way parents can love their children feels irrational to me. Maybe love feels also sometimes irrational to me.
I think most people should probably not become parents though. People who don't know how to raise kids. And there are many. People who cannot offer their children good prospects or that their basic needs are fullfiled. It feels insane that most people are thinking I want to have children because I want them to have a better life than me. This does not make sense. And something like that often backfires. The motives for having children can backfire as in the example of my mom. I think it is insane that in civil war countries, people who live in extreme poverty still think getting children was a good idea. I know education is a problem there. And the lack of contraceptives. But if you know your whole life was fucked up shit. And you don't notice changes from your life as a child compared to the life as adult why do you think your children be better off? People think they could outsmart their own parents. But often the same mistakes are just repeated in a different way. I don't think I have what it needs to be a good dad. Even if I was healthy. Raising kids in a reasonable way is very hard and needs a lot of resources and a lot of luck.
The world is pretty fucked. So much horrible shit can happen. Thousands of people get raped, murdered, mutilated, traumatized on a daily basis. For bullying it is probably rather millions. There are many good reasons for not wanting to procreate.
The statement is more about the average likelihood I am interested in their personality. I often swipe women who want children (older than 25) left despite the fact I consider them interesting. I became close with one woman I met on a dating app and she wanted children. I always thought it will not last forever because of that. It turned out the had borderline and she ghosted me in record time after our first date.
I wonder though why this is the case. I am pretty convinced I don't want children and there is not much room to negotiate. I also don't want to convince these women to not have children. I think it is a very personal decision.
I think I am interested in well educated women. And sometimes the desire wanting to procreate as a woman feels to me selfless and altruistic. I know my mom told me as a child never get children they do too much work. I know I had such a smart mother who knew how to raise healthy children. It is probably the reason why I am on here.
Maybe I have mommy issues and want a mother type as girlfriend.
Despite all what I have just described. My rational considerations say to me that having children is also very selfish. There is a discrepancy about what I feel about those woman and what my rationality tells me. Maybe these are my biological instincts.
I think having children can have selfish and selfless components. Sacrificing everything for the sake of your child feels selfless for me. Your youth, your body, your sex life, your good sleep, huge parts of your income. Despite the fact my mom made my life a living hell because the way she raised was totally insane and very violent. She does everything she can that I feel good as possible now. I would probably never ever consider to do that much for any individual. But I also would never consider to beat up a child starting at the age of 5 on a daily basis as a proof of "love". She never said that though. I think she wanted to fulfill her vocational dreams through me. It was all totally insane. But the way my mom cares for me seems illogical to me. I would never do something like that for anyone. Maybe part of it is the guilt.
The way parents can love their children feels irrational to me. Maybe love feels also sometimes irrational to me.
I think most people should probably not become parents though. People who don't know how to raise kids. And there are many. People who cannot offer their children good prospects or that their basic needs are fullfiled. It feels insane that most people are thinking I want to have children because I want them to have a better life than me. This does not make sense. And something like that often backfires. The motives for having children can backfire as in the example of my mom. I think it is insane that in civil war countries, people who live in extreme poverty still think getting children was a good idea. I know education is a problem there. And the lack of contraceptives. But if you know your whole life was fucked up shit. And you don't notice changes from your life as a child compared to the life as adult why do you think your children be better off? People think they could outsmart their own parents. But often the same mistakes are just repeated in a different way. I don't think I have what it needs to be a good dad. Even if I was healthy. Raising kids in a reasonable way is very hard and needs a lot of resources and a lot of luck.
The world is pretty fucked. So much horrible shit can happen. Thousands of people get raped, murdered, mutilated, traumatized on a daily basis. For bullying it is probably rather millions. There are many good reasons for not wanting to procreate.
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