trying ungracefully
Member
- Jun 11, 2025
- 39
Has anyone had any tricks that worked that got them out of the house?
About last month ago I was going to job interviews and going outside. Job searching didn't go well and it just fucked things up for me.
I want to go get a library card though so I can start borrowing books and hanging out there if I feel like it. I want to go to the beach because summer is almost over and the lake is really warm right now. I want to go to the forest to read because it is such a beautiful scenery. I want to try volunteering to see if it will help with me getting a job.
I need to get a job. I need to get blood work done to figure out if I have hypothyroidism because I had blood work more than a year ago showing I probably did but I needed a follow up. I need to start picking up my own medication because I am an adult and it is embarrassing that my mom picks it up when the store is a 10 minute walk away.
I can't take the small steps that I am told to take. I'm told to literally start in my room and work my way to the front door slowly feeling how I feel and calming myself down but it is so hard to push myself to do that because it is so uncomfortable. But I need to feel uncomfortable for change which really sucks because it is hard to push myself into that forcefully.
Sometimes I get the energy and motivation and my brain is just off to go somewhere and it worked in the past. But if the bus doesn't come in a short time I get anxious and I just can't go because waiting is unbearable for some reason. Even though to go where I am going I can wait in my house and the bus stop is right at the corner. I just start overthinking and it is a lot. I think of everyone watching me, the space I want to keep from them, how I feel large in a bus, how people might stare, how people might think I am weird, how I am clumsy on buses, etc. It just all overwhelms me at once and then I get back in my head.
But I am supposed to go on a trip with my boyfriend soon, it has been put off a lot because of different things with him. It is out of state and I am excited for it because I am hoping it gets me feeling okay with being outside more. It's going to be easier there because I feel like it doesn't matter if people look at me and think I am weird since I don't live there, I don't get anxiety sometimes but that's what's going on in my head. Then I convinced him to go to the beach with me soon because it is a lot easier to go out with someone I think is safe I just wish I could go alone. I am 21 and never have been to the beach alone. It really is a big goal I love the beach and I hate being ghostly pale I want to tan.
Maybe those things will get me on a roll to go out more. I also applied to jobs to see if my obsession with charms from Pandora right now will help me. I did the math and it is going to take around $1000 more to fill it completely which would be easy if I got a job because I could spend my first paycheck on that since I am supported the save from there. I bought one charm and got it already and I am going to get another one soon. After that I am all out of money though.
About last month ago I was going to job interviews and going outside. Job searching didn't go well and it just fucked things up for me.
I want to go get a library card though so I can start borrowing books and hanging out there if I feel like it. I want to go to the beach because summer is almost over and the lake is really warm right now. I want to go to the forest to read because it is such a beautiful scenery. I want to try volunteering to see if it will help with me getting a job.
I need to get a job. I need to get blood work done to figure out if I have hypothyroidism because I had blood work more than a year ago showing I probably did but I needed a follow up. I need to start picking up my own medication because I am an adult and it is embarrassing that my mom picks it up when the store is a 10 minute walk away.
I can't take the small steps that I am told to take. I'm told to literally start in my room and work my way to the front door slowly feeling how I feel and calming myself down but it is so hard to push myself to do that because it is so uncomfortable. But I need to feel uncomfortable for change which really sucks because it is hard to push myself into that forcefully.
Sometimes I get the energy and motivation and my brain is just off to go somewhere and it worked in the past. But if the bus doesn't come in a short time I get anxious and I just can't go because waiting is unbearable for some reason. Even though to go where I am going I can wait in my house and the bus stop is right at the corner. I just start overthinking and it is a lot. I think of everyone watching me, the space I want to keep from them, how I feel large in a bus, how people might stare, how people might think I am weird, how I am clumsy on buses, etc. It just all overwhelms me at once and then I get back in my head.
But I am supposed to go on a trip with my boyfriend soon, it has been put off a lot because of different things with him. It is out of state and I am excited for it because I am hoping it gets me feeling okay with being outside more. It's going to be easier there because I feel like it doesn't matter if people look at me and think I am weird since I don't live there, I don't get anxiety sometimes but that's what's going on in my head. Then I convinced him to go to the beach with me soon because it is a lot easier to go out with someone I think is safe I just wish I could go alone. I am 21 and never have been to the beach alone. It really is a big goal I love the beach and I hate being ghostly pale I want to tan.
Maybe those things will get me on a roll to go out more. I also applied to jobs to see if my obsession with charms from Pandora right now will help me. I did the math and it is going to take around $1000 more to fill it completely which would be easy if I got a job because I could spend my first paycheck on that since I am supported the save from there. I bought one charm and got it already and I am going to get another one soon. After that I am all out of money though.
