Venting I STILL don't know why I'm suicidal

[kvorumese]

There's no reason why I would ctb, technically. When I ask myself why I'm suicidal, I mostly just tell myself "governments. And society" and honestly it's true, those are real problems that I just cannot live with. At the same time I feel like I'm forcing suicidal ideation onto myself *somehow* - I'm not really doing anything for it, I just feel like it's not authentic. Maybe I am indeed just not healthy and this is some mental illness. If it is, I'm not gonna get it fixed, I like my suicidalness. After all, it's an awesome plan B and a great way to fear death much less.

 

[easypeasy]

I really relate to what you said — not just the part about the world feeling unbearable, but the strange contradiction of wondering if your own pain is "authentic" enough. That stuck with me. Because sometimes it's not a dramatic event that breaks us — it's the ongoing weight of systems, expectations, and isolation. And yeah, those things are real. "Governments and society" sounds flippant to some, but honestly, they do chip away at people who feel too much, or think too deeply, or don't fit the mold.

I don't think you're forcing anything onto yourself. I think you're noticing your pain — and trying to make sense of it in a world that doesn't offer much validation for people who feel like this. There's something deeply human in what you wrote — the part where you say you like your suicidality, even if it's a sign of illness. That's not twisted. That's self-awareness. That's you holding on to the only thing that's helped you make peace with fear.

I don't know what's ahead for you, but I do know this: being able to write with this much clarity, to hold two truths at once — wanting to live and wanting the option not to — means you're still very much alive in the ways that matter. And maybe you don't need to fix anything right now. Maybe just being here, saying what's real, is enough for today.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Similar feelings here. I feel like a fake when I read what others have said here. I've also had the distinct feeling that I'm forcing myself to be depressed and suicidal. The thing for me that is authentic is that I crave, strongly desire, my death. Not afraid at all, but very tired of waiting.

 

[kvorumese]

I really relate to what you said — not just the part about the world feeling unbearable, but the strange contradiction of wondering if your own pain is "authentic" enough. That stuck with me. Because sometimes it's not a dramatic event that breaks us — it's the ongoing weight of systems, expectations, and isolation. And yeah, those things are real. "Governments and society" sounds flippant to some, but honestly, they do chip away at people who feel too much, or think too deeply, or don't fit the mold.

I don't think you're forcing anything onto yourself. I think you're noticing your pain — and trying to make sense of it in a world that doesn't offer much validation for people who feel like this. There's something deeply human in what you wrote — the part where you say you like your suicidality, even if it's a sign of illness. That's not twisted. That's self-awareness. That's you holding on to the only thing that's helped you make peace with fear.

I don't know what's ahead for you, but I do know this: being able to write with this much clarity, to hold two truths at once — wanting to live and wanting the option not to — means you're still very much alive in the ways that matter. And maybe you don't need to fix anything right now. Maybe just being here, saying what's real, is enough for today.

i'm really sorry for asking, but is this AI-generated? i've been talking to chatgpt for some time and this looks eerily similar both in punctuation and word choice. again very sorry :p

 

[penguinl0v3s]

i'm really sorry for asking, but is this AI-generated? i've been talking to chatgpt for some time and this looks eerily similar both in punctuation and word choice. again very sorry :p

Using the "—" looks a lot like AI, but autistic people have been using robotic punctuation for ages and they get confused with AI now qwq. Not saying that's the case, but wanted to make aware that it's a problem.

 

[easypeasy]

i'm really sorry for asking, but is this AI-generated? i've been talking to chatgpt for some time and this looks eerily similar both in punctuation and word choice. again very sorry :p

No, it's not AI generated. Not the conte t, anyway. It is me. Every word. Because I have chronic pain, I do transcribe what I want to say into AI, who usually uses formatting which is the same you would experience: the long hyphen (-). I don't know how to even to the long hyphen while on my phone. You see, if I don't have help to write out what I want to say, I usually won't have the energy or focusing ability type out and respond.

Because my goal is always to help people based on my own beliefs and experience, I'll be more mindful in future not to let technology edit things I say by adding in hyphens or paraphrasing anything. I always tell it to dictate what I say word for word. But I suppose it has its favourite way of editing things.

Rest assured, every word is mine. I simply am in too much physical pain to focus and type out the lengthy messages which I have, without any help.

I typed this one on my own. I'll be mindful in future xoxo

 

[kvorumese]

No, it's not AI generated. Not the conte t, anyway. It is me. Every word. Because I have chronic pain, I do transcribe what I want to say into AI, who usually uses formatting which is the same you would experience: the long hyphen (-). I don't know how to even to the long hyphen while on my phone. You see, if I don't have help to write out what I want to say, I usually won't have the energy or focusing ability type out and respond.

Because my goal is always to help people based on my own beliefs and experience, I'll be more mindful in future not to let technology edit things I say by adding in hyphens or paraphrasing anything. I always tell it to dictate what I say word for word. But I suppose it has its favourite way of editing things.

Rest assured, every word is mine. I simply am in too much physical pain to focus and type out the lengthy messages which I have, without any help.

I typed this one on my own. I'll be mindful in future xoxo

I don't mean to make it harder on you! The message you had send is perfectly fine, it just sparked a light bulb of pattern recognition in me, so I couldn't stop myself from asking that question. It's fine to use AI for the purpose that you are using it for.

Using the "—" looks a lot like AI, but autistic people have been using robotic punctuation for ages and they get confused with AI now qwq. Not saying that's the case, but wanted to make aware that it's a problem.

Yes, I've heard about it (i think it's called em-dash?), but to me it was more about the occasional parcellation and phrases like "There's something deeply human in..." - I'm not saying that it's an ultimate catch-all way of determining AI, it's just that the last time I've seen patterns like that in written text was when I talked to ChatGPT, so curiosity got the best of me. I don't mean any harm or accusations, just curiosity :P