Venting I still blame myself...

[AShipinthedark]

I still blame myself for the death of my last girlfriend. Everyone tells me that without me, her daughter could have been in the fire as well, but it was me who broke things off with her in such a cold way, days before she passed. Ive been trying to get help, I'm in an IRTS facility now, I'm medicated properly, and there are a lot of nice people here. All of it just doesn't matter though, I still feel guilty and responsible and I'm not sure I can ever forgive myself or stop blaming myself. It's just one of the things that pushes me to want to CTB. I don't know why I'm posting this, I just want to cry and grieve and die...

 

[puella]

I'm so sorry. Those are huge feelings to have weighing on you, you must be in so much pain. I'm here for you.

When you forgive someone who hurts you, you free yourself from the burden of the anger you've felt towards them. You need to forgive yourself, even if you continue to take responsibility, because you deserve to be free from that anger.

 

[AShipinthedark]

I don't know how to forgive myself. I had a terrible dream last night, and I know its meaning...I was in another parallel dimension to our own. In our world, the sky was red and nothing was good, but in the other world the sky was blue and everything made of gold. I met with my ex and I did everything right, asserted my boundaries, helped without asking, and just showed love unconditionally. I even brought her to the red dimension to meet her daughter. I was met with weapons and anger and hate.