Venting I sometimes want to live but there's genuinely no future for me

[ChiseHatori]

Title.
I have my medical conditions which have left me needing to use a wheelchair and attend physical therapy, my kinda shitty roommates who make a huge mess of the place (triggering my asthma...) and are impossible to even hang with, and I have a overseas partner of almost 5 years that I can't live with due to idiotic laws with extremely high wage ceilings. This isn't even going into my PTSD and the other myriad of things working against me. I wish I was stronger. Some people deal with way worse.

I spent most of my days alone in my room as a semi-neet, occasionally getting to do art commissions or one off odd jobs online. I have a variety of "skills" such as writing, video editing, and social media management but it's definitely not enough to get by with, and with my conditions even that kind of work can be exhausting.

I can't stand the thought of being alone like this forever. It's driving me crazy. I really need support but I can't bring myself to burden anyone further. I have always felt as though I should be put down like a sick dog. I don't know how people continue to fight. I'm just so fucking inadequate, lonely, tired... touch starved, etc. I suppose many of us here feel the same so it's nice to be in good company.

If only I was brave enough to actually go through with it. None of my plans have followed through. God, I hate myself.

 

[willow115]

Same. I relate to many of your circumstances. Life has a way of trapping us.

 

[Ondine0000ff]

That's actually so sad, I wish I could do more than just this… But you're right, we'll always be here to listen and support you

 

[Tombs_in_your_eyes]

I can feel your pain in your post. I know myself how hard and lonely it is to have disabling medical conditions, and it must be even harder without emotional and practical support from the people you live with. But we are here for you to vent to.