Venting I slowly become my dad.

[ranaway]

Yesterday, one of my relatives told me that the more I grow old, the more I sound and act like my dad.
I don't want to be him. I love him, but I don't want to be him at all.

My family was built but also ruined because of him. He's a good dad to me but not to my brother; he's a good friend and coworker but not a good husband. After years of being in an abusive marriage and dealing with domestic violence and cheating, my mom finally broke out of it.

I'm now living with my mom, and I don't want to remind her of him. I also become an absolute piece of shit to people around me too.
I want to die but my mom would be devastated.

 

[absolomonisgone]

i think given time, we all get old and start thinking like old men...., you can't avoid thinking like your dad as you age. life gives all of us a beating. natural process.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm very sorry that you life is so painful but I can also understand your mum. She loves you and if you CTB you'd be a great loss to her.

I know that this is a very difficult and painfuly situation for you and your desires. Perhaps time can heal wounds here.