Venting I should've never let my guard down

[sometimes.sometimes]

I have been doing things by myself for the past couple of weeks. Of course, right after I post about my accomplishments in the website's recovery section, something ruins it. I don't want to say what happened. Not because it happened ten minutes ago, but because it is a long, embarrassing story.

 

[FuneralCry]

After all existence is just too cruel, I find it awful how existing here can very easily get much worse causing more suffering to be experienced as a result. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Aisley]

This do be the place for long embarrassing stories, but obv, it's up to you. It's exhausting to be on guard, in defense mode at all times, but I end up (after some cringe time has passed) looking at these moments as necessary reminders to keep up those walls. As further mortar to thicken areas that need it. Fuckin sucks, tho.

 

[ForNow]

I also learned a similar lesson, but to be fair I had a "good streak" of some supportive people who had promised (red flag right there!!) that they were with me no matter what. Until yet another diagnosis came along, and medical bills shot up.... now it's "one too many" and some people don't want to be bothered with me anymore. So, for now I have one person that I trust not to abandon me, but they're in another country and I don't want to abuse their kindness to me. Otherwise - blood relative is meaningless, religious people are even worse, promises are irrelevant, and most use the term "friend" very loosely. I admit that this sudden "where'd everybody go" experience has me feeling like the biggest burden again, and that I should not be here. Would definitely make my family's lives easier if I weren't, and it would wipe out a lot of debt.

 

[Dead_Mouse]

I wish I had read this post sooner! I ended up posting my onion story on the old thread in the recovery section. I'm sure your long, embarrassing story is much worse than not being able to buy onions at a grocery store, but don't let that discourage you from going out and doing things!

Also, if it feels like your presence in public spaces makes everything worse for everybody around you (like me bothering a store employee to get an onion), maybe try pretending you're bothering people on purpose - anything to keep going out and doing thing. I do something similar to keep myself in a club