Venting I should end everything here, before it gets worse.

[Boller Bryant]

I should end everything here before it's too late. I shouldn't be a fucking pussy that always fantasize without actions, I already have ropes and place but what can't I just do it. I firmly believe that everything will be worse tomorrow.

I said that I should end everything now for years, and guess what? I'm still fucking alive and didn't do anything... i know i hate myself but shit, me dragging myself into the doomed future, is even to cruel for myself.

I'm already feel separated between my soul and my body, earlier wishes to end everything here but latter wish to continue on while hoping a miracle to happens. I don't even know myself anymore! Am I just being overreacting all the time, is my problems really are a fiction that caused by my desire to be acknowledge, is my problems even real?

I honestly don't know what's real what's not and honestly, I gave up for even trying to differentiate them. I just want to everything to end now! Life, pain, pressures, expectations.

Can't I just life in peace? I don't want to interact with anything, I just want to see everything unfold in front of my eyes. Why's everyone near me always wants to "Fix" or "Improve" me with something that will make me hate them and myself more? Can't they learn about it? Or at least ask me about my feelings toward their at attempt to "Fix" or "Improve" me. I know myself better than them, and they should just leave me alone.
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I know this rant is not the best one you ever read, and I'm sorry for that. I just want to scream for once about the absurdity of life. If you managed to read to this point, you have my sincere thanks.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's certainly very much understandable just wishing to be free from all the suffering, I hope that you eventually find what you search for as I get that it's so dreadful feeling trapped in this existence.