Venting I should either ctb or just somehow accept ill never be happy.

[obei]

I have been spiraling out of control for a while now. Alcohol and clonazepam addiction, eating disorder behavior, depression hitting me hard, anxiety around everything…
I dont think I have anything left…
I dont go to uni, I dont work, I dont do anything. Literally. Im just a waste of space.
How to accept youll never be at peace or happy again? Is that really a life?

 

[DrearyAsh348]

Feel the same. Just want to say you're not alone.

If you want to vent more in this thread, please do.

 

[figurehead]

I have been spiraling out of control for a while now. Alcohol and clonazepam addiction, eating disorder behavior, depression hitting me hard, anxiety around everything…
I dont think I have anything left…
I dont go to uni, I dont work, I dont do anything. Literally. Im just a waste of space.
How to accept youll never be at peace or happy again? Is that really a life?

I've been on and off in such terrible place for a long while, since before my diagnosis as bipolar. But acceptance can be also a terrible thing. I do accept lots of bad things, like having bipolar and illnesses in general. That when I'm depressed I'm certainly a waste of space and that's why when things are better I run like crazy to - at least try - to accomplish things. I have absolutely no idea of what comes after suicide, but I'm certain I can't be someone who stagnated to death. Like my dogs love and need me. Sometimes I think that not even them do. Sometimes I even believe that I'm bad for them somehow, that they won't miss me. But I'm settling for that for now.

 

[Limerance]

I know everyone's different, but I kind of just accepted I'll probably won't be completely happy, so I made a goal out of helping others be happy.

Sure, I always feel like dying, and my emotions basically don't work. But, those 5-20 minutes of joy I get from making others laugh or have a good time are worth the hassle.

A while ago, I saw a speech about life being suffering, and how the most noble thing to do is to try and ease that suffering for others while carrying yours. That perspectives was huge for me, and it's made life bearable.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally don't see any kind of suffering as acceptable but of course it's always up to the individual deciding what to do. I just wish it's not so difficult to cease existing on our own terms so that people can easily free themselves from this existence if that's what they want. Nobody should ever feel like they have to suffer against their wishes.