I seem to mystify my psychiatrist

[End Piece]

I'm currently inpatient at a psych unit for women. I had an appointment today with the lead psychiatrist, just trying to be honest about my wish to die and the reasons supporting it. She looked puzzled and just didn't seem to be grasping the 'why'. Now, when I outline my problems, they don't sound as catastrophic as they feel. Lots of women on the floor have dealt with severe trauma, and I'm grateful to say that I haven't. Nonetheless, I still want to die, even though I'm not feeling as depressed. I just feel sure that my future is bleak, and want to end it before my situation becomes more pathetic. I guess I'm the only one that can help me, but I don't feel up to the task.

 

[SinisterKid]

Thats one of the main issues of talking to a none suicidal person, they cant understand what it actually feels like to be suicidal. They know and understand the theory, but that is far removed from the practicalities. Its why a forum like this place is worth its weight in gold to suicidal people. Others "get" them here and you find a lot of empathy and compassion which you seldom, if ever find on the wards.

I sincerely hope you are not there for too long. Take care and stay safe ok.

 

[echo_bravo]

I'm currently inpatient at a psych unit for women. I had an appointment today with the lead psychiatrist, just trying to be honest about my wish to die and the reasons supporting it. She looked puzzled and just didn't seem to be grasping the 'why'. Now, when I outline my problems, they don't sound as catastrophic as they feel. Lots of women on the floor have dealt with severe trauma, and I'm grateful to say that I haven't. Nonetheless, I still want to die, even though I'm not feeling as depressed. I just feel sure that my future is bleak, and want to end it before my situation becomes more pathetic. I guess I'm the only one that can help me, but I don't feel up to the task.

This struck a chord with me. I resumed therapy recently and I seem to get a mix of confusion and unspoken pity when talking about being suicidal. Laying my problems out there makes it seem to me like I'm overreacting and exaggerating. I'm sorry you have to deal with this especially in a psych ward. Hopefully you are out of there soon.

 

[Midnight]

They know and understand the theory, but that is far removed from Its why a forum like this place is worth its weight in gold to suicidal people. Others "get" them here

Yep, it takes one to know one.

 

[trynacbt]

The therapist I used to see would always say, Okay, but I know you don't *really* want to die. Then I'd be like, Uh, yeah I do. And she'd be like, But nah.

 

[GreyMonkey]

My therapist shared with me recently about her own experience of being suicidal... she even expressed at one point she wondered if it might be easier to just go totally mad. I've been there too.

If you look into the more person-centred therapies, rather than conventional psychology and psychiatry, there are many there who have the title of "wounded healer" and they are in the profession because they were helped by it.

Hard to find good ones though. And even then working with a therapist is like pissing in a swimming pool. It takes a long long fucking time to even look like progress is being made when you are so far down in the dumps.

I have constant pendulum swings where it seems like I'm making some progress, and I open a bit, and then I feel fucked again but not as fucked as before, yet still fucked enough to want to die... and then I have no idea if it's ever going to work out, if I'm ever going to find my way back a state of feeling ok about myself and life again and not just see a big, dark, bleak future.

 

[Zer031]

I have constant pendulum swings where it seems like I'm making some progress, and I open a bit, and then I feel fucked again but not as fucked as before, yet still fucked enough to want to die... and then I have no idea if it's ever going to work out, if I'm ever going to find my way back a state of feeling ok about myself and life again and not just see a big, dark, bleak future.

It's amazing how what you guys say "This place is gold for suicidal people" and its so true, because, what you say up there, its what exactly i've been feeling this last time. and its comforting too, not being alone, even if you are from countries far away from mine.

 

[Corraled]

I'm currently inpatient at a psych unit for women. I had an appointment today with the lead psychiatrist, just trying to be honest about my wish to die and the reasons supporting it. She looked puzzled and just didn't seem to be grasping the 'why'. Now, when I outline my problems, they don't sound as catastrophic as they feel. Lots of women on the floor have dealt with severe trauma, and I'm grateful to say that I haven't. Nonetheless, I still want to die, even though I'm not feeling as depressed. I just feel sure that my future is bleak, and want to end it before my situation becomes more pathetic. I guess I'm the only one that can help me, but I don't feel up to the task.

The Peacefull Pill book advises people in your situation to stash some poison in a secure location and go on with your life. Use the poison when the time comes, and not decades ahead. Basically, dont kill yourself now, wait a little more.

 

[LastFlowers]

Not a hard thing to do unfortunately. Many psychs are soft in the head.

 

[Nem]

Not a hard thing to do unfortunately. Many psychs are soft in the head.

Amen to that! Psychs are FUCKED in the head!
Peace/hugs

 

[woxihuanni]

I think it'd be easy to mystify a shrink by saying anything a five year old takes five seconds to process. When I rule the world, they will be rounded up and shot.