I said goodbye to my therapist

[Stroopwafel.]

I had my last appointment with my therapist from the hospital today. I will miss her a lot. She's one of the very few people in the mental health care that I actually liked a lot. She could not help me feel better, she could not solve my problems, but she really was there for me. She truly listened to me. She understood a lot of what I was telling her and going through. She has been at the point that she was suicidal as well, she tried to kill herself as well. For a long time she believed I could get out of this hell as well. She told me many, many times, untill a few months ago. She never told me again. She knows pretty well I will not get out of this shit and she stopped pretending I would.

She's a honest person and we had some small fights as well, but she always was there for me. Man I didn't think I would ever miss someone from the damn mental health care system EVER, but here I am lol. I will miss her. A lot. I will have one more appointment with here after her vacation, in about three weeks from now. At this point I honestly don't know if I'll still be around at that time. I'm drunk and I send her a message thanking her for anything she has done for me. Maybe this is our goodbye.

The place where I'm at now, it doesn't have people like her or the hospital. I feel very lonely again. No one is really listening to what I'm saying. Those therapists I need to go to are a damn joke, they will never be able to help me. I hate them already. This place where I live, I don't wanna be here. I don't wanna live in here. I don't want to. I hate it here. I hate it. Even though the people are actually nice mostly. I will never be able to call this my 'home' I don't think I've ever felt so depressed before as I did in the last few weeks.

Sorry if this whole story doesn't make sense at all. I'm drunk and sad and crying.

 

[Snake of Eden]

It must be nice to have someone to feel good about knowing. I hope you would find peace alive or not

 

[FuneralCry]

You were lucky to have a therapist like that, certainly being suicidal themselves gives them an understanding of what you are going through. Sorry you are stuck in a place you do not like, I can imagine how unpleasant that must be. I wish you well.

 

[Meliæ]

This is absolutely unprofessional but still a beautiful human story

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

It's nice you liked her. It's too bad you can't still go. Are you stuck in a hospital/home?

I've never liked any therapist. It's nice you had a good one. Don't base ending your shit on not being able to see her. She is just a person. This sounds like a fixation. It sounds like a reason to get upset.

Look at your existence...if there's options to change and get better. She would have wanted that. Idk. It's hard. Good luck.

What advice did she give that was good? Can you take it with you?

 

[xBrialesana]

I was going to say maybe a letter or not just thanking her for the extensive kindness and guidance you were given- I sent my surgeon Starbucks cards and a thank you note!

But I see you're drunk and considered messaging them- for your sake I hope you didn't or at least you didn't say anything alarming. For your sake.

I'm glad you had a brush with a positive experience dealing with mental health. That seems to be rarer and rarer. Best wishes

 

[Stroopwafel.]

It's nice you liked her. It's too bad you can't still go. Are you stuck in a hospital/home?

I've never liked any therapist. It's nice you had a good one. Don't base ending your shit on not being able to see her. She is just a person. This sounds like a fixation. It sounds like a reason to get upset.

Look at your existence...if there's options to change and get better. She would have wanted that. Idk. It's hard. Good luck.

What advice did she give that was good? Can you take it with you?

I've been stuck in institutions for a while now. I left the hospital a bit over a month ago and I now live it this place with people monitoring and taking care of me 24/7.

I'm definitely not gonna end my life because I won't see her again. I mean I loved her, but my life never improved during the time I had therapy with her. I don't think there's a way for me anymore to get better. I tried everything I could in the past 6 years and I just feel worse and worse. Life is just not for me. I'm done with it.

I was going to say maybe a letter or not just thanking her for the extensive kindness and guidance you were given- I sent my surgeon Starbucks cards and a thank you note!

But I see you're drunk and considered messaging them- for your sake I hope you didn't or at least you didn't say anything alarming. For your sake.

I'm glad you had a brush with a positive experience dealing with mental health. That seems to be rarer and rarer. Best wishes

I wrote the letter when I was sober, I sent it when I was drunk. So there was nothing disturbing in it lmao. She wrote back to me the next day, she was thanking me for the letter and she was happy I sent her the letter (I'm really not good in saying the things that I said in my letter in person) she wrote a letter back to me and she said some really sweet things that really touched me. It really felt like a goodbye tho. She knows I will probably end up killing myself in the end.