ToANewWorld
Rarity
- Apr 16, 2025
- 37
A year ago I developed a rare medical condition that has destroyed my life. To anyone interested it is called hyperacusis.
Every day sounds have become physically painful to listen to. That means no music, no phone calls, no videos, I have to wear earplugs when I go out and even then, some sounds in and outside of my home can send me into week-long crisises of physical pain, tinnitus and nasea.
It has been nothing short of torture and the icying on the cake has been how little medical options (2) there are to treat this condition.
A few months back I became convinced I needed to ctb while I still have some life force left. Not only does this illness suck the fun out of life, but it also literally destroys your physical body. I am in still making preparations though I have been suprised how much planning and how many "loose ends" I have had to tiddy up before "leaving"...
The hardest thing to deal with, psychologically, has been the fact I am leaving the world of the living without having children. I always wanted to be a father.
I was not expecting this turn of events in my life so I had other plans for my future and having children was one of them. Nothing would have made me happier than bringing life into this world. If I could have had children who could be prettier, smarter, or a better off (financially) than myself, I think I could go without too many regrets.
I am autistic (somewhat) and single-minded so although I am in my late 30s, my personal life is a mess. I have no girlfriend, I have some $$$ but other than that, I have built very little in terms of personal life.
Everything else does not bother me as much. My family? I'll miss them a lot but we are very different people and as selfish as it sounds I would not want to live a life where I am a disabled and at their "mercy". They are just not built for that.
It really really sucks to have been struck with this illness now. If only I would have had a few more years. I would have left this place, with far more grace and a clearer conscience
Every day sounds have become physically painful to listen to. That means no music, no phone calls, no videos, I have to wear earplugs when I go out and even then, some sounds in and outside of my home can send me into week-long crisises of physical pain, tinnitus and nasea.
It has been nothing short of torture and the icying on the cake has been how little medical options (2) there are to treat this condition.
A few months back I became convinced I needed to ctb while I still have some life force left. Not only does this illness suck the fun out of life, but it also literally destroys your physical body. I am in still making preparations though I have been suprised how much planning and how many "loose ends" I have had to tiddy up before "leaving"...
The hardest thing to deal with, psychologically, has been the fact I am leaving the world of the living without having children. I always wanted to be a father.
I was not expecting this turn of events in my life so I had other plans for my future and having children was one of them. Nothing would have made me happier than bringing life into this world. If I could have had children who could be prettier, smarter, or a better off (financially) than myself, I think I could go without too many regrets.
I am autistic (somewhat) and single-minded so although I am in my late 30s, my personal life is a mess. I have no girlfriend, I have some $$$ but other than that, I have built very little in terms of personal life.
Everything else does not bother me as much. My family? I'll miss them a lot but we are very different people and as selfish as it sounds I would not want to live a life where I am a disabled and at their "mercy". They are just not built for that.
It really really sucks to have been struck with this illness now. If only I would have had a few more years. I would have left this place, with far more grace and a clearer conscience
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