Venting I really want to die am planning it out tonight/ body issues

[PrettyKitty]

Since I was 11 years old I have had obsession with losing weight and scared of gaining it. I struggled with my weight alot to the point I had developed an ED I was around 105 pounds at my lowest (I know that's normal to alot of people but to me it was very unhealthy. I struggled with bulimia and anorexia for 2 years. I've been recovered for years now. I've been weight lifting and Chloe ting stuff for years. Had abs for awhile than stopped carrying about abs and focused on cardio. I've never ate unhealthy and not worked out ever in my life. But I recently found out I'm overweight by BMI my BMI is 25-26 I've been told it's not accurate and I do have some muscle. Even if I don't have a double chin or fat on my stomach I do have tons of fat on my thighs and butt.

I am so sad by my weight that it's one of the main reasons I want to CTB before you say "go on a diet" workout or something I've done tons of those and have lost around 20 pounds. I just wish I could be happy with myself I never quit but this BMI thing makes me want to CTB.

I'm very insecure but for this sake I will provide a pic of what my body looks like ( this not NSFW but it's okay if mods want to take it down.

If you've read this far than thanks

 

[Worndown]

While you see a body in distress, I see one that looks fine. We all have demons in us. Yours are winning. Are you sure you must ctb tonight?

 

[PrettyKitty]

While you see a body in distress, I see one that looks fine. We all have demons in us. Yours are winning. Are you sure you must ctb tonight?

I really don't think my body is normal maybe I have issues I don't know. I really am I've never felt so low before. Not sure if my method is painless or reliable but a chance is a chance. Thank you for the response

 

[Worndown]

What is your method?

 

[PrettyKitty]

What is your method?

Hanging is always my go to I have all the stuff for it and am doing research to make sure to works this time. Last resort is stabbing or cutting artery I know sounds very painful but I'm a deep cutter and handle pain well so I'm sure I can take it.

 

[Worndown]

Full hanging will knock you out quickly.

 

[PrettyKitty]

Full hanging will knock you out quickly.

I have never tried full I could give it a try I've done partial hanging before If you look at my past posts I have failed that due to not passing out/ choking to long but not dying.

 

[Worndown]

Partial has a very high rate of failure. You know that...

 

[PrettyKitty]

Partial has a very high rate of failure. You know that...

I didn't know thank you for the advice.

 

[Pluto]

There's two ways of approaching this.

Muscle weighs more than fat, so doing heavy weights throws the whole BMI thing out the window. (It's not like professional bodybuilders are considered obese, despite weighing a lot!) A lot of women prefer to mostly or wholly focus on cardio since it's less effort, and might be all they need to be healthy.

The second approach is to recognise that body dysmorphia is a very unpleasant psychological ailment that is probably treatable and would change your whole outlook.

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)

People with body dysmorphic disorder constantly worry about the way they look.

www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au

 

[PrettyKitty]

There's two ways of approaching this.

Muscle weighs more than fat, so doing heavy weights throws the whole BMI thing out the window. (It's not like professional bodybuilders are considered obese, despite weighing a lot!) A lot of women prefer to mostly or wholly focus on cardio since it's less effort, and might be all they need to be healthy.

The second approach is to recognise that body dysmorphia is a very unpleasant psychological ailment that is probably treatable and would change your whole outlook.

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)

People with body dysmorphic disorder constantly worry about the way they look.

www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au

I do really think I'm fat I don't know if I have bdd but all look in to it thank you for your response also I love your pfp reminds me of that Nyan cat games thing much love

 

[peachchildtenshi]

BMI is never exactly an exact measurement of your body weight, it does not distinguish your bone mass, and muscle.Even i am considered overweight in bmi scale despite working out.
I am not an expert but your fat deposits are normally distributed around your hips may just be normal thing for females.

 

[PrettyKitty]

BMI is never exactly an exact measurement of your body weight, it does not distinguish your bone mass, and muscle.Even i am considered overweight in bmi scale despite working out.
I am not an expert but your fat deposits are normally distributed around your hips may just be normal thing for females.

Thank you I feel abit better it's just hard when you can't stop thinking your unattractive and fat. I'm sure you look amazing thank you for the response much love

 

[peachchildtenshi]

Thank you I feel abit better it's just hard when you can't stop thinking your unattractive and fat. I'm sure you look amazing thank you for the response much love

Ahh, I too find myself unattractive since i look thin when I know im not, I hope you end up getting what you desired at the end of the tunnel.

 

[PrettyKitty]

Ahh, I too find myself unattractive since i look thin when I know im not, I hope you end up getting what you desired at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you love your beautiful either way even if I got issues I wanna say that you seem very kind thank you for the replies it means alot to me.

 

[Pluto]

I love your pfp reminds me of that Nyan cat games thing much love

Here you go.

I don't know if I have bdd but all look in to it

Please do look into it. Sorry to sound like an annoying parent, but you are only 18 and haven't had any support with this yet. With these psychological gremlins under control, you are young and beautiful and can enjoy being in your prime and seeing what life has to offer. Even if it all goes badly, the option to CTB isn't going anywhere.

 

[PrettyKitty]

Here you go.

View attachment 107595


Please do look into it. Sorry to sound like an annoying parent, but you are only 18 and haven't had any support with this yet. With these psychological gremlins under control, you are young and beautiful and can enjoy being in your prime and seeing what life has to offer. Even if it all goes badly, the option to CTB isn't going anywhere.

Thank you so much also I just realized it's pusheen cat I love that little fella I have a stuffy it in my room it's so cute it brings me joy. Thank you for all your support we need more people like you on this earth all try to talk to my friend and reconsider even if it's hard.

 

[RoundaboutResolved]

You look healthy & beautiful. I'm sorry you are suffering over this. I hope one day you can see what the rest of us see. Hugs!

 

[PrettyKitty]

You look healthy & beautiful. I'm sorry you are suffering over this. I hope one day you can see what the rest of us see. Hugs!

Your so kind. Hugs thank you I hope one day I can see myself and love myself.

 

[old_constant69]

You don't look fat at all, seem very healthy. have you tried speaking to a mental health professional? Your very young and have your whole life ahead of you. Sometimes your mind can play sick tricks on you without you even realizing it.

 

[PrettyKitty]

You don't look fat at all, seem very healthy. have you tried speaking to a mental health professional? Your very young and have your whole life ahead of you. Sometimes your mind can play sick tricks on you without you even realizing it.

I have not about body issues though. Thank you for cheering me up abit. It means alot to me

 

[Zegers]

I wish i had those legs

 

[Walk]

I don't think you look fat at all. As someone who does workout on a daily, it could just be body dysmorphia. I experience this myself and many other people such as bodybuilders and powerlifters experience it too. It's something I just try to push to the side and just try to love myself. I hope this helped.

 

[PrettyKitty]

I don't think you look fat at all. As someone who does workout on a daily, it could just be body dysmorphia. I experience this myself and many other people such as bodybuilders and powerlifters experience it too. It's something I just try to push to the side and just try to love myself. I hope this helped.

thank you so much!! <3

I wish i had those legs

really? its my biggest insecurities

 

[Pluto]

I did a quick search. There's a nice Reddit community with hundreds of others facing the same challenge. Even some uplifting success stories, example below. Check it out if you like.

 

[PrettyKitty]

I did a quick search. There's a nice Reddit community with hundreds of others facing the same challenge. Even some uplifting success stories, example below. Check it out if you like.

Thank you so much hon

 

[heLLishLandscape]

i struggle with body dysmorphia as well, so i share your pain. but i see a very healthy body, so please take it from someone in your shoes, your mind is tricking you into seeing something that isn't real. you're beautiful inside and out (:

 

[PrettyKitty]

i struggle with body dysmorphia as well, so i share your pain. but i see a very healthy body, so please take it from someone in your shoes, your mind is tricking you into seeing something that isn't real. you're beautiful inside and out (:

Thank you

 

[whatevs]

You objectively seem to have that "thicc" body type that is not only not considered fat but is sexually attractive and associated with youth and fitness. Meaning, you are thicker than average but it looks toned instead of flappy.

I would say your suffering is mostly stemming from mental distorsions but that doesn't make it less real. Hopefully you can find relief without resorting to well, death, but I do understand how someone lands here. It's the "quickest solution" that at least beats continuing to exist without improvement. Good luck, keep in mind that to me at least you look pretty good.

 

[PrettyKitty]

You objectively seem to have that "thicc" body type that is not only not considered fat but is sexually attractive and associated with youth and fitness. Meaning, you are thicker than average but it looks toned instead of flappy.

I would say your suffering is mostly stemming from mental distorsions but that doesn't make it less real. Hopefully you can find relief without resorting to well, death, but I do understand how someone lands here. It's the "quickest solution" that at least beats continuing to exist without improvement. Good luck, keep in mind that to me at least you look pretty good.

thank you for cheering me up abit its nice to know im not ugly, I do think I should lose some weight on my thighs though considering some parts are more fatty than muscle.