Venting i really can't do it anymore

[ceriseange♡]

hello friends, long time no see! I hope you've been well ♡

I'm sorry that we always meet like this, but unfortunately I'm back again after another very very bad panic attack :(
With the way things are going both in my life and just generally, I really don't think I can do it anymore

I really did want to try. There's still things I'd love to do or see, but those desires are barely there anymore and I think thats a sign that it might be time to start being proactive.
Despite the medication and positive changes in my life the ideations have started turning from passive to active. I'm still unsure of how I'll feel once I calm down. I know th adrenaline from upsetting or scary things really puts me in this headspace but scares me once I start calming down, but honestly I don't know anymore :(

I've been considering methods (scary step ngl !!!) but I haven't really found one yet. I keep going back to guns, but that would be very loud and messy and I already feel bad enough at the thought of anyone finding me. Im just very scared that SI is going to kick in for anything less instantaneous and then I'll go alone and afraid. I really want it to be peaceful even if that might not be the most plausible thing ever.

I don't know, really - I just think with the way I've been handling and processing simple things, I'm tired of my heart always racing and my chest being tight when it shouldn't be.
I don't think I'm meant to survive and that's okay !! Sometimes people can't handle things and I'm not very very good at adulting or living - which isn't the best thing to be bad at but here we are !!

if anyone has any tips or advice it would be appreciated :) checking out some mega threads right now so maybe I'll find something that fits for me?

also this might be a very silly question but would alcohol be a major hindrance? the idea of doing this sober is a lil scary but I don't want to be inebriated if that will worsen the chances or make things harder

tysm and I hope you have a good day in even the smallest of ways <3

 

[_Maya]

hello friends, long time no see! I hope you've been well ♡

I'm sorry that we always meet like this, but unfortunately I'm back again after another very very bad panic attack :(
With the way things are going both in my life and just generally, I really don't think I can do it anymore

I really did want to try. There's still things I'd love to do or see, but those desires are barely there anymore and I think thats a sign that it might be time to start being proactive.
Despite the medication and positive changes in my life the ideations have started turning from passive to active. I'm still unsure of how I'll feel once I calm down. I know th adrenaline from upsetting or scary things really puts me in this headspace but scares me once I start calming down, but honestly I don't know anymore :(

I've been considering methods (scary step ngl !!!) but I haven't really found one yet. I keep going back to guns, but that would be very loud and messy and I already feel bad enough at the thought of anyone finding me. Im just very scared that SI is going to kick in for anything less instantaneous and then I'll go alone and afraid. I really want it to be peaceful even if that might not be the most plausible thing ever.

I don't know, really - I just think with the way I've been handling and processing simple things, I'm tired of my heart always racing and my chest being tight when it shouldn't be.
I don't think I'm meant to survive and that's okay !! Sometimes people can't handle things and I'm not very very good at adulting or living - which isn't the best thing to be bad at but here we are !!

if anyone has any tips or advice it would be appreciated :) checking out some mega threads right now so maybe I'll find something that fits for me?

also this might be a very silly question but would alcohol be a major hindrance? the idea of doing this sober is a lil scary but I don't want to be inebriated if that will worsen the chances or make things harder

tysm and I hope you have a good day in even the smallest of ways <3

the suicide resource compilation thread links to threads for certain suicide methods. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/suicide-resource-compilation.3/
hanging seems the most "peaceful" next to something like SN, as you black out quickly.