I put a loaded gun to my head.

[Burnout_Wizard]

These last few days my usual coping methods stopped working and the full weight of my reality hit. All the wasted time, all the years spent numbing myself into a listless haze, how I've let my body rot, the friends I've begun pushing away, the realization that the rest of my life may just be an endless cycle of trying to get better and spiraling back down, and just how far I am from even beginning to fix my problems. I couldn't stop thinking of killing myself, I kept breaking down crying. I acquired a handgun, loaded it, and put it to my head to see if I really had it in me to pull the trigger. My mind has never felt more empty and calm than in that moment with the cold steel pressed against my skin, and I just sat there for a minute with my finger on the trigger. The gun is on my desk, it looks so unassuming next to my mug. I don't know what to feel, I don't know if I can/want to recover, I don't know if I'm ready for the end.

I called the crisis hotline a couple days ago, but I can't call them again for this without the cops getting involved. So, I gotta dump this here.

 

[assisted]

i'm running from the hotlines, too. i envy you

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's SI that stops us and interfere even if suicide is the most logic decision for us and the circumstances we have to deal with. Human bodies can endure so much more physical and mental torture we cannot even imagine. What's causing your crisis? External circumstances that cannot be solved? There's no solution unless the CAN be solved. I'm sorry you're suffering so much, in my case external circumstances make me suicidal. Gun suicide can be quick and painless but it's also one of the methods with so much more SI to be defeated.

i'm running from the hotlines, too. i envy you

Can your issue be solved from the hotlines?

 

[DefinitelyReady]

These last few days my usual coping methods stopped working and the full weight of my reality hit. All the wasted time, all the years spent numbing myself into a listless haze, how I've let my body rot, the friends I've begun pushing away, the realization that the rest of my life may just be an endless cycle of trying to get better and spiraling back down, and just how far I am from even beginning to fix my problems. I couldn't stop thinking of killing myself, I kept breaking down crying. I acquired a handgun, loaded it, and put it to my head to see if I really had it in me to pull the trigger. My mind has never felt more empty and calm than in that moment with the cold steel pressed against my skin, and I just sat there for a minute with my finger on the trigger. The gun is on my desk, it looks so unassuming next to my mug. I don't know what to feel, I don't know if I can/want to recover, I don't know if I'm ready for the end.

I called the crisis hotline a couple days ago, but I can't call them again for this without the cops getting involved. So, I gotta dump this here.

Can you ask someone you trust to hold onto the gun and hide it for you?
I'll buy the gun from you. That's legal.

i'm running from the hotlines, too. i envy you

Yeah Im running from my therapist, peer support person, and care coordinator. Cant fake it to keep up appearances so I won't get carted away I'm distancing and cutting sessions short.