Venting i only feel happy when i'm not sober

[FirstLove]

(sorry for bad spelling/grammar english is my second language) (i also don't feel like reading it again and fixing mistakes so sorry if it doesnt make sense)

i was at a party this friday, and even though i woke up with the worst hangover i've had in a long time and despite having only gotten 2 hours of sleep, it was the first time in a while i felt truly happy. it really kicked in when i caught myself getting excited for next weekend when im going drinking again. being sober is the long and painful wait until i can go back to my happy place. i know i'm still insufferable when drunk but i don't care as much. everything is just a happy daze. pain doesn't affect me in the slightest. when some people are drunk they get more touchy and i finally get some human contact (doesnt mean in a sexual way, people give more hugs).

i don't get drunk too often cause i go to a fancy school that you live at (idk the proper english name) and there its against the rules to drink while at school. not to say i dont do it anyway. its hard getting your hands on, so instead i get high to pass the time. which is better than being sober but the aftermath of being high is a bunch of dissociation and memory gaps for times when im not high.

i wish i could find happiness in the world around me. i wish i enjoied being alive. no matter what situation i'm in i don't like being alive. its not my environment or the people around me. i've changed schools. i've changed my friend groups. i've been shy i've been outgoing i've been dumb i've been smart. nothing changes. only when im away from my sober prison do i truly feel at peace. i can't afford that right now, so maybe i'll just kill myself. it's faster and more perminant.

thank you for reading this.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

The reason there is drugs and alcohol is because life is so shitty, that this is the only way people can get through the delusion that life is good.

 

[LittleJem]

I am the same. But have you tried medication? Just in case it can give you happier when sober.

 

[FirstLove]

The reason there is drugs and alcohol is because life is so shitty, that this is the only way people can get through the delusion that life is good.

i agree. but then again, some people live their whole life not touching alcohol or drugs of any kind. there has to be a way to feel happy without it right? Or is that just the select elite?

I am the same. But have you tried medication? Just in case it can give you happier when sober.

I'm on adhd medication which does help some, but it mostly just takes my appetite away

 

[shinohara]

I completely understand what you mean, I used to do the same thing a lot but slowed down because constantly being hungover does not help my already bad mood. Also I do worry about the effects it has on my already broken brain. Not that I stopped drinking completely, I just try to space it out a bit more now.
It's difficult to resist that urge to get completely drunk almost everyday, but I just try to remember that alcohol is a depressant. So even though it does give you that "high", it will most likely have that rebound effect that will make you feel at least slightly worse for a good while after.
Of course, it doesn't feel like it matters much anyways since my life is still not ideal and my brain is like this even when I don't drink, hence why I still do it

 

[GoForDeath]

I used to take a lot of drugs and they made me happy for a while, but at some point I had to stop them.. It took a while, but I finally managed to be okay without them.

 

[Darkover]

i have to smoke weed or take coke to feel happy

 

[FirstLove]

I used to take a lot of drugs and they made me happy for a while, but at some point I had to stop them.. It took a while, but I finally managed to be okay without them.

I'm really proud of you for getting clean. How did you manage to find contentment without them? If its okay i ask

 

[GoForDeath]

I'm really proud of you for getting clean. How did you manage to find contentment without them? If its okay i ask

Thank you, well I moved to a country where they were no longer legal, so I had to learn to live without them. I guess the fact that I couldn't use anymore made it easier for me, but it did take some time to get used to.