Venting I need to talk

[bennay]

So my wife was killed in an accident and I was also in the same accident with her.

I have chronic pain, insomnia, ptsd, depression/anxiety.

I have seen a few doctors about all this but my energy over time just keeps draining faster and faster regardless of meds. Those that I have talked to will say "try this" "try that" but the thing is after so many…..I don't want to do it anymore, like my reason for being, my reason for happiness is gone.
Ive been trying to do things on my own to try and regain some sense of life, but no matter what I do or where I go, i just want to be with her.
idk anymore what percentage of me wanting to leave is because of her dying or the daily pain that I feel.

I guess I'm just wondering would it be so bad if the primary reason is for her?

I'm just so lost, and feeling plain out done with this life.

 

[bed]

Hey man, I understand going doctor to doctor for chronic pain/ mental health and getting nowhere. I have chronic pain as well. It is absolutely draining, especially when they don't take you seriously. I can't imagine what it's like to lose your wife, I'm terribly sorry you have to experience that. No words can really help with it.

I guess I'm just wondering would it be so bad if the primary reason is for her?

Only you can answer that I'm afraid. I ask myself if I'm acting rationally and logically with my decision to kill myself, that's how I've come to my conclusion with wanting to end my life. Also, I don't know when you lost your wife but if this is recent I'd give it some time to fully consider if this is what you want.

 

[bennay]

Hey man, I understand going doctor to doctor for chronic pain/ mental health and getting nowhere. I have chronic pain as well. It is absolutely draining, especially when they don't take you seriously. I can't imagine what it's like to lose your wife, I'm terribly sorry you have to experience that. No words can really help with it.


Only you can answer that I'm afraid. I ask myself if I'm acting rationally and logically with my decision to kill myself, that's how I've come to my conclusion with wanting to end my life. Also, I don't know when you lost your wife but if this is recent I'd give it some time to fully consider if this is what you want.

Thank you! It's been sometime now, I tried after it happened but pulled myself out because of that exact reason, I needed to give myself more time but everyday is just becoming harder and harder still.
Tphysical pain definitely doesn't help anything either, as I'm sure you understand.
I completely understand what you mean by doctors not taking you seriously esp because they think they know best.
I've just gotten to a point where I'm exhausted of the appointments, and different meds, different doctors and mostly just at the point where I just really don't want to do it anymore because life is still going to suck either way.

 

[ChobaniFlipSmores]

I'm really sorry for your loss, I can't imagine the mental anguish you are in. How long has it been since the accident?

 

[bed]

Thank you! It's been sometime now, I tried after it happened but pulled myself out because of that exact reason, I needed to give myself more time but everyday is just becoming harder and harder still.
Tphysical pain definitely doesn't help anything either, as I'm sure you understand.
I completely understand what you mean by doctors not taking you seriously esp because they think they know best.
I've just gotten to a point where I'm exhausted of the appointments, and different meds, different doctors and mostly just at the point where I just really don't want to do it anymore because life is still going to suck either way.

Yeah, it's completely understandable you feel this way. I'm exhausted of it too, the only appointment I really keep up with is my pain clinic one. I tried kratom for a while which helped as well but I didn't like some of the side effects but I'm generally sensitive to meds. Life just sucks when you have so many different issues that keep stacking, it's incredibly hard to deal with.

 

[bennay]

Yeah, it's completely understandable you feel this way. I'm exhausted of it too, the only appointment I really keep up with is my pain clinic one. I tried kratom for a while which helped as well but I didn't like some of the side effects but I'm generally sensitive to meds. Life just sucks when you have so many different issues that keep stacking, it's incredibly hard to deal with.

My tolerance to meds builds pretty quickly so they just stop working and some start intensifying the pain. I also feel like there might be something wrong with my heart, but the multiple doctors I've seen have continually blown me off, it just adds to the frustration.

I'm really sorry for your loss, I can't imagine the mental anguish you are in. How long has it been since the accident?

It's been 1.5 years now.

 

[bed]

My tolerance to meds builds pretty quickly so they just stop working and some start intensifying the pain. I also feel like there might be something wrong with my heart, but the multiple doctors I've seen have continually blown me off, it just adds to the frustration.

God i know what you mean, i wish i didn't. I don't understand why doctors get into the field and don't even bother trying to help.

 

[bennay]

God i know what you mean, i wish i didn't. I don't understand why doctors get into the field and don't even bother trying to help.

Yeah, I truly understand why so many people feel like this is the only way to get relief. Too many doctors are just too full of themselves in my opinion.

 

[Bone]

Man, this sucks. I think however you feel is valid and I'm sorry you've been through such a rough time.

Too many doctors are just too full of themselves in my opinion.

Yep, fuck doctors. Psychiatrists and regular doctors are both awful in the majority of circumstances. I used to work in an ER as a scribe and the things doctors would say about the poor, minority patients were despicable. All that training and money spent and a large portion of what many of them do is just educated guesswork. No oversight/nothing to hold them accountable in the vast majority of circumstances.

Just curious, have you tried weed/mushrooms etc. for your pain and other issues? I know some people are behind that a lot these days for alternative treatment. Thanks for sharing your story.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering. Life is just so unfair. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are struggling. I also feel done with life. We do have the right to take our own lives at a time of our choosing, we do not have to justify our reasons for doing so, it is your life, your decision. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Chockles]

I am sorry you are suffering so much. I too struggle severely with physical pain which only makes my mental health worse. I believe it is inhumane to be expected to stay alive when we want to end our lives. Euthenasia should be legal for anyone who wants it in every country.
I hope you find the peace you are looking for. I hope to soon too.

 

[bennay]

Man, this sucks. I think however you feel is valid and I'm sorry you've been through such a rough time.


Yep, fuck doctors. Psychiatrists and regular doctors are both awful in the majority of circumstances. I used to work in an ER as a scribe and the things doctors would say about the poor, minority patients were despicable. All that training and money spent and a large portion of what many of them do is just educated guesswork. No oversight/nothing to hold them accountable in the vast majority of circumstances.

Just curious, have you tried weed/mushrooms etc. for your pain and other issues? I know some people are behind that a lot these days for alternative treatment. Thanks for sharing your story.

Hi! Thanks for your input! Yes I've tried alternatives to big pharma. I'm all for it! They are great, while working for sure! But it's like I'll still have this constant pain in my body. I guess I'm just trying to determine where the quality of my life is and what I want it to be, you know?

I am sorry you are suffering so much. I too struggle severely with physical pain which only makes my mental health worse. I believe it is inhumane to be expected to stay alive when we want to end our lives. Euthenasia should be legal for anyone who wants it in every country.
I hope you find the peace you are looking for. I hope to soon too.

Thank you for your kind words! I 100% agree that euthanasia should be a free choice for everyone. I wish you peace as well

I'm sorry you are suffering. Life is just so unfair. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are struggling. I also feel done with life. We do have the right to take our own lives at a time of our choosing, we do not have to justify our reasons for doing so, it is your life, your decision. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Thank you! I know that you have been struggling for a while and a truly hope that you find your peace soon!