I need to CTB... but I have a baby

[azo]

Besdies, I'm such a big failure that literaly almost any man in this country would be a better husband/dad

I don't think you should be so harsh on yourself. You clearly care about your wife and child—you're looking out for their best interests. I agree with the general sentiment of the thread that you took on a responsibility when your baby was conceived and I understand that fulfilling that responsibility might seem to you to entail dying. But being gone means that you won't actually know what happens to your family. That you do care about and accept you have a responsibility to them makes you better dad/husband than a lot of men out there might turn out to be and I think it's possible that your lack of success in other areas of life may be preventing you from seeing that.

That said, the purpose of this comment isn't to push you in a particular direction so much as to suggest considerations. Like Linda said, this is a decision only you can make.

 

[thenamingofcats]

If you feel that you might ctb maybe you could look for another man that your wife would want to marry who you think would be a good husband and father.

 

[AlexYaBoy]

Don't leave little bro all alone.

"Did he want to die, more than he loved me?"

 

[jajajamielee]

Exactly what @Ephemeron said. You have a responsibility now. You brought someone (your child) into existence without his consent and it's not his fault that you r in a bad condition. You should try everything to improve and to grant a good childhood to your child! It's your responsibility!

But that is the same for op. They didn't ask to be born either.

 

[botanist_dude]

If you feel that you might ctb maybe you could look for another man that your wife would want to marry who you think would be a good husband and father.

That is kinda genius. I didn't think of it

 

[hopeless08]

You'd be surprised how bad fathers can be. I think you should stick around, for the baby and also your wife. I don't think it would be right to leave everything in her hands.

You could also bump your wife up a few notches in responsibility priority, she has chosen to stay with you after all. I think you should try to take care of her too.

I wish I had a kid :(

I don't mean any disrespect by this as I as well always wanted a baby but the odds were not in my favor and it also hurts very much that I wasn't able to have the family I always wanted, so I understand you wanting a kid but to be honest if someone is severely depressed I don't think it's a wise nor fair to bring a child into the world, growing up witnessing a parents
Pain and suffering would have everlasting psychological damage to the child.
I'm sorry I don't mean to offend you in any way but I'm just looking at it from my perspective

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I don't mean any disrespect by this as I as well always wanted a baby but the odds were not in my favor and it also hurts very much that I wasn't able to have the family I always wanted, so I understand you wanting a kid but to be honest if someone is severely depressed I don't think it's a wise nor fair to bring a child into the world, growing up witnessing a parents
Pain and suffering would have everlasting psychological damage to the child.
I'm sorry I don't mean to offend you in any way but I'm just looking at it from my perspective

Who said I'm severely depressed though? And there's always adoption. I honestly don't think I would be a bad parent even if I don't have a role model.

 

[hopeless08]

Who said I'm severely depressed though? And there's always adoption. I honestly don't think I would be a bad parent even if I don't have a role model.

Sorry I really didn't mean any disrespect.
I thought since you were on this site you might be struggling with depression.
And yes, there is also adoption.
In my case I've always dreamt of having kids and I know I would have given them so much love as I'm sure you would too, as you want to have a child.
I just believe that my depression would not allow me to be the mother I want to be, I'd be afraid the child would witness my suffering and be psychologically scared.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

In terms of male role models, no one is perfect or even close.

I've learned far more from witnessing all my father's mistakes than from the positive things he's done.

As a result, I'm pretty sure I won't repeat most of them, although if course I'm fucking things up in completely new ways. Anyway, I still learned a lot from him, even if it was in terms of how I don't want to live my life.

 

[akwa]

I disagree with everyone guilting tripping this person. This is how people snap, kill their entire family, and THEN kill themselves.

OP, I am so sorry for your suffering. I hope that you find peace.

 

[ChildrensITV]

Easy answer, don't.

There is no easy answer.

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

Dont' worry man, sound as pissed as you want. I can take it. Complete and full honesty is why I'm here in the first place

Forgot to add more stuff lol.
You are right that I need to give him the best possible life. And that could be attainable with my death. I could have 3 jobs and it wouldn't be enough. I would even sell a fucking organ if I could (if you know about that... by all means tell me)

I agree!
but precisely about granting him a good childhood is why I want to die. I'm just such a big failure, he doesn't deserve to have a dad who is just a big freaking loser with no money. If I die, my wife could remarry to a better man who could be a better father and role model. That is my reasoning

I agree!
but precisely about granting him a good childhood is why I want to die. I'm just such a big failure, he doesn't deserve to have a dad who is just a big freaking loser with no money. If I die, my wife could remarry to a better man who could be a better father and role model. That is my reasoning

I also have a daughter of 1,5 years old, and I also want to ctb. I'm also no good for her and even a danger for her. I think my husband will find a good wife and mother instead. I understand completely how you feel!

 

[evannave]

There is no easy answer.

There isn't, to be honest. But in my own opinion, the duty to raise your child is above yourself.

 

[errorsinmypast]

Oh gosh I feel your pain so deeply. I have 2 kids and also need to ctb, it breaks my heart a thousand times a day, every single time I think about missing them getting a year older or leaving school, learning to drive, get married etc.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

This is a very hard situation which should have been avoided to begin with. I'm so sorry you're in this predicament.

I'm not sure what you should do, I think even if I had the exact same circumstances as you I wouldn't know what to do.

I think you have your right to free will so, based on that, you have the right to ctb. At the same time, you brought a dependant onto this world, there was a choice there, and to that there are consequences.

Only you know what you value more: your right to die or your son.

 

[lostforever77]

What the title says. For information, my baby is a 10 month old boy

I recently had a very nice conversation on the chat area and most (if not all) told me that whatever is going on in my life, shouldn't be enough to leave a baby alone. But I still wanted to take tha conversation here. The whole thing goes like this:

1. I am employed. But I make very little money
2. I have loans, credits overdue and other debts that are unpayable at this point
3. Because of #2, collectors annoy my family, friends, collegues... literally everyone gets visits in their homes, phone calls, etc. Most of them alredy hate me (with good reason)
4. My father is a very old man and he is quite dissapointed at me, because of my financial failure. He has a heart condition and if he starts to get also annoyed by collectors, I would be afraid for his life. His heart could hot handle the stress caused by me. I mean, having some big dude striking at your door at 1 am is not a good thing, specially if you're a 80 year old male with a heart condition and probable cancer (recent news, he's fine but he's getting treatment)
5. My wife and me are quite apart. We live together for the sake of the baby, but she doesn't really care about me (hence she's so down in this list). She's a great mother, but my death wouldn't really affect her other than money availability. We come from a very conservative background so women don't work. She will never work, like NEVER.
6. Because of 5, my wife is 100% dependent on me. If I die, she'll have a very tough time caring for the baby. Fortunately, we have a big family and I'm sure they'll help, but ultimately it would be her alone with our baby.
7. And finally, I'm possible the absolute worst male model for my baby. Only a rapist or ped0 would be worse. I'm sure he'll be better by having no male role model, or just hope that my wife will marry a better man. Which honestly, will be quite easy compared to me

For these reasons, I decided that CTB is the best way to tackle this issue. I live in a third world country where people die every day of very violent stuff. My death would be just one in a bunch so I wouldn't expect any investigation and if I'm careful, my family will be able to collect the money from insuranc. It is more than enough to pay for every debt and to start over for at least a year.

What do you think?

So honestly I completely understand your logic, way more than I wish I did. I too am going through a divorce, have huge amounts of debt, car just broke down 2 days after moving out of my own house...it is a lot. But coming up this Sunday while everything else is happening to me, is mother's day, the day my mom died when I was 8 yers old. At least in the past I had other things to take my mind off it, like spending time with my ex to celebrate the day for them, or with my kids. Now I have none of that. And loosing a parent to cancer is really bad, if it was ctb, I think it would be worse, and it has already scarred me for life. I am not tying to say your feelings are not valid, just something to think about.

 

[RejectedKarma]

@botanist_dude
I'm very sorry you're going through this
The fact that you're a parent doesn't give you any super powers in the face of mental health struggles so it's completely okay to have these experiences.
It might help you a bit knowing that you are not alone and there's a few parents around here that have difficulties being open about this subject because it's so stigmatized and you get a lot of simplistic answers to complex issues.
It also sounds like you have no support for yourself and your baby, wife and father depend on you somehow. But what about you? Where do you charge yourself? Who takes care of your needs whatever those would be?
You're not an infinite fountain of resources that can go on forever.
So whatever you choose to do I hope you find what you really need.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

If you do decide to go the life insurance route, you better make damn sure that your policy doesn't have a suicide clause or waiting period. And that it has fail safe as far as being guaranteed to pay out.

 

[ChiseHatori]

Putting in my two cents as someone who lost my father to suicide at a very young age.

Your kid is gonna remember this forever, if they can even live a normal life after. I understand why you feel the way you do, and I do believe it is ultimately your choice. But just know you are affecting them in horrifying ways you will not ever be able to comprehend. Just look up the many things that happen to bereaved children.

I feel that you may have more options than you think, but I understand the world is quite difficult right now, and I don't blame you for your situation given the context I'm given here. Just consider their feelings in their future - if you really don't care, that's your choice. No one will respect you for it, but there's nothing else we can say or do.

I wish the best for you and your family.

 

[supertrianguloid]

Don't you want to watch your son grow up? Teach him to read? See the sparkle in his eyes when he learns exciting things about dinosaurs or outer space?

Having a child is like having a fresh start at life. Isn't that worth whatever downsides there are?

He is YOUR son, you are his ONLY father, and no debt collectors or exes or poor things happening in life will ever change that. It is absolute.