Help I need to clean

[willitpass]

My apartment is disgusting. There's not getting around it, I live in filth. I hate myself for it but my mental health has been so poor these last few months I haven't had the energy to exist, much less clean. But I'm beyond overwhelmed. I want to get things clean before I either CTB or die suddenly from my failing health but I don't even know what to do. I don't want to die or end up in the hospital and be found in what's probably not far from a biohazard or leave my family to have to clean it up after I'm gone but I simply can't find the energy or motivation to begin. I have a mountain of recycling that needs to be taken out, bags of trash that need to go. I have dirty dishes piling up that are starting to smell. I haven't changed my sheets in at least a month. Every inch of flooring needs vacuumed but I can't do that until I get all of the shit off of them. I don't want to leave with my apartment like this someone please help.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Can you do one or two tasks a day?

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I'm sorry for your situation, I wish I was nearby so I could help you clean your apartment up. It's easier with two or more people. Are there any cleaning tasks you enjoy? Otherwise I would start by filling the sink with water (with the dishes in) and then taking some trash out. You'll feel better afterwards without them hanging over you and it'll keep flies away.

 

[Forveleth]

Take it in baby steps. Take out a few pieces of trash per day. Wash just a few dishes at a time until they are done. Over time you'll get there!

 

[rozeske]

Is there a time of the day that you feel less miserable? It might help to try and do a few tasks in that window of time. Or if you can manage to get a cleaner?

 

[divinemistress36]

Can you hire someone to come clean?

 

[LunarLight]

I feel for you. Haven't cleaned mine since my partner and I moved in (six months ago). It's truly disgusting. Fortunate that we have no friends to visit us.

 

[thot88]

Do one small thing every day. It will become cool with time. Also, be kind to yourself.

 

[willitpass]

A family member is over to help clean. I truly just want it clean by the end of the day. I can't fathom dying in these conditions.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

i had to move recently and had to throw out so much trash and that could only be done at certain times. not to mention my legs/feet were killing me and i lived on the fifth floor with no elevator. it took me over 2 months and still have to hire people to take out whatever was left. that was torture. if you really want to clean it yourself, i'd say to get started asap and yes, take it little by little. garbage just keeps building up so i imagine it will be hard just to keep up with that.

 

[Ash]

I was hoping you were feeling all Monica Gellar/Bing and were offering to turn up at someone else's house to do the cleaning! Mine's an absolute state too. I moved my bedside table the other day when I dropped something behind it and the dust bunnies were more like elephants.

I try to do it by time (e.g. spend 5 minutes hoovering or whatever) but I think I've only touched the hoover twice this year and dusting is accidental if I brush up against something.

 

[willitpass]

It took the whole day but my apartment has been deep cleaned, as well as getting some decluttering done along the way. I now feel better if I die soon. One less thing for people to worry about, as well as a prettier scene to be found in if I die at home.

 

[anhedonya]

I'm sorry you're going through this but I'm glad you had some help with the cleaning. I know it's your choice 100% but on a personal level I really do wish there was a way for you to live. Even when talking about death, you're thinking ahead about those who will come after and how they're going to have to handle your space. Maybe you could try doing something for just yourself? If you feel you're going to CTB soon then it can't hurt to try. I know it's easier said than done but even going to a spa day can make a difference and lighten the mental load. I wish you the best :(

 

[willitpass]

I'm sorry you're going through this but I'm glad you had some help with the cleaning. I know it's your choice 100% but on a personal level I really do wish there was a way for you to live. Even when talking about death, you're thinking ahead about those who will come after and how they're going to have to handle your space. Maybe you could try doing something for just yourself? If you feel you're going to CTB soon then it can't hurt to try. I know it's easier said than done but even going to a spa day can make a difference and lighten the mental load. I wish you the best :(

I've been depressed since I was 9, I'm in my 20s now. I've tried more treatment options than you could think of. I've tried every lifestyle change. No matter what I always end up back in the same place. I simply am not made for life. At this point I'm just doing as best as I can to lighten the load for those left behind, but even that is too much for me some days.

 

[lain_iwa]

this might be one of the only things holding me back rn, i need to be seen as clean but that need might go away on its own eventually

 

[willitpass]

Having a clean place to live has made my head feel much clearer. I'm still suicidal and ready to go, but my depression has lifted. I'm more comfortably suicidal than desperately suicidal now. Not living in such filth really is good on the mind.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

I was hoping you were feeling all Monica Gellar/Bing and were offering to turn up at someone else's house to do the cleaning! Mine's an absolute state too. I moved my bedside table the other day when I dropped something behind it and the dust bunnies were more like elephants.

I try to do it by time (e.g. spend 5 minutes hoovering or whatever) but I think I've only touched the hoover twice this year and dusting is accidental if I brush up against something.

Accidental... That makes me feel better, just a little.