I need to be more active about dying

[Mr. Incapable]

I can't keep sitting here day by day just wishing and waiting. Unless you're super lucky, nobody gets anything without putting in the effort. I'm so suppressed by my own depression that I'm not trying hard enough with anything anymore and I can't continue like that. My death won't come if I sit here doing nothing and only thinking about it. Every person who hung themselves made the decision, the plan and did it.. every person who jumped from height or in front of a train made the choice, travelled to that location and committed to their decision to die. The same goes for every other method. Sitting at home day by day doing nothing but wishing to die is the most pointless, waste of time.. it's my birthday on Friday and I just don't even want to see a day passed that day.. I need to try again. It's been a while since my last proper attempt. I think I'm gonna try tomorrow or on Friday. I don't want to live like this anymore.. I can't keep putting it off

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand. It feels like I have spent so long just wishing not to be here, hoping that somehow I will peacefully pass away in my sleep. In my case I feel trapped in this world because of the fear of failing ctb, I wish that it is easier to leave. I do envy those who have the courage to exit this world, as if you do not exist it means that you cannot suffer. I know what it is like wanting to leave this world so badly and I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from your suffering.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I can't keep sitting here day by day just wishing and waiting. Unless you're super lucky, nobody gets anything without putting in the effort. I'm so suppressed by my own depression that I'm not trying hard enough with anything anymore and I can't continue like that. My death won't come if I sit here doing nothing and only thinking about it. Every person who hung themselves made the decision, the plan and did it.. every person who jumped from height or in front of a train made the choice, travelled to that location and committed to their decision to die. The same goes for every other method. Sitting at home day by day doing nothing but wishing to die is the most pointless, waste of time.. it's my birthday on Friday and I just don't even want to see a day passed that day.. I need to try again. It's been a while since my last proper attempt. I think I'm gonna try tomorrow or on Friday. I don't want to live like this anymore.. I can't keep putting it off

I can relate… I don't have the energy to do anything whatsoever much less end my life which requires a lot of effort… I keep trying to sleep but I can't…

 

[Cryptonite]

We all need to be strong and commited! Otherwise we will easily end up living decades in inexplicable suffering

 

[Musketeer]

when enough suffering piles on you, you will find the courage to ctb. Everyone has a certain amount of coping resources to deal with this shitty world, once we exeed that we will ctb. To me it's not a matter of courage it's a matter of my suffering not exeeding my ability to cope with it to the extent I'd risk dying.

 

[jimmy7754]

Today I am so heated I drove for awhile aimlessly around playing out the scenario of my method in my head.. asking myself "hypothetically can I go through with it? If I had everything in my car right now.. SN.. of N and the hotel booked.. can I face death? Can I face the fact I'll never wake up again as this person?"

It is so hard for me to think about doing it.. but some days I'm so heated and done on myself in this moment.. my animosity towards myself and how things played out are out of control.. the building just burns and burns I want to jump out the window yet I'm still here.. why can't I do it? I think it's fear and lose of hope in death.. nothingness is inconceivable.. you can't perceive time in death.. you don't sleep.. you don't experience REM sleep or any sleep at all.. this is why religion is created to give us hope that learning to die has some sort of salvation at the end of it.. I want to believe in something.. I want something to be out there better than this planet.. this planet is a nightmare.. the way life goes is a nightmare.. it's unforgivable..

 

[ConstantPain]

Yes, I also am so sick of waiting but can't find the energy to do anything. I'm 45, a chain smoker, drink nothing but coffee and soda, eat like crap, and take lots of pills. A doctor promised me 10 years ago that if I didn't quit smoking and continued taking birth control pills, that I would have a blood clot or stroke. I'm waiting! When I have ocular migraines I get a little hopeful that maybe it's finally happening but am let down every time.
I'm also so afraid of failing and the repercussions of that. I'm so unhappy but never have the energy to either leave my husband or just end it. My heart goes out to all of us here, stuck in this misery.

 

[Mr. Incapable]

Since posting this I've had three separate anxiety attacks, which is quite rare for me when I'm just at home alone. Something about my oncoming birthday on Friday is giving me a lot of stress and anxiety, and making my desperation to ctb so much more intense. Whilst preparing my dinner, one of my attacks got so bad I thought I was going to pass out and I clumsily dropped food all over the floor because I couldn't keep my balance. Even now my heart is still racing and my breathing is rapid.. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Maybe that's a good thing.. Usually I just feel numb every day, but maybe this will manifest into enough strength, emotion and determination to end things if I still feel this way tomorrow or on Friday

 

[ConstantPain]

I can't keep sitting here day by day just wishing and waiting. Unless you're super lucky, nobody gets anything without putting in the effort. I'm so suppressed by my own depression that I'm not trying hard enough with anything anymore and I can't continue like that. My death won't come if I sit here doing nothing and only thinking about it. Every person who hung themselves made the decision, the plan and did it.. every person who jumped from height or in front of a train made the choice, travelled to that location and committed to their decision to die. The same goes for every other method. Sitting at home day by day doing nothing but wishing to die is the most pointless, waste of time.. it's my birthday on Friday and I just don't even want to see a day passed that day.. I need to try again. It's been a while since my last proper attempt. I think I'm gonna try tomorrow or on Friday. I don't want to live like this anymore.. I can't keep putting it off

Birthdays are the absolute worst.

 

[jawdropped123]

I can't keep sitting here day by day just wishing and waiting. Unless you're super lucky, nobody gets anything without putting in the effort. I'm so suppressed by my own depression that I'm not trying hard enough with anything anymore and I can't continue like that. My death won't come if I sit here doing nothing and only thinking about it. Every person who hung themselves made the decision, the plan and did it.. every person who jumped from height or in front of a train made the choice, travelled to that location and committed to their decision to die. The same goes for every other method. Sitting at home day by day doing nothing but wishing to die is the most pointless, waste of time.. it's my birthday on Friday and I just don't even want to see a day passed that day.. I need to try again. It's been a while since my last proper attempt. I think I'm gonna try tomorrow or on Friday. I don't want to live like this anymore.. I can't keep putting it off

If it was your time to leave you would already be gone. Maybe you know deep down that youre not ready to leave yet. Dont rush to do something that you will regret later. Im really sorry that you feel this way. Your time to leave this earth will come. Have a great day.