Devils_candY
Afraid of life... scared to sleep...
- Oct 23, 2020
- 46
I need this tonight. What, I just can't pin down. Im in so much pain tonight. So much darkness in this conscious mind that I fear to leave the comfort of my bed. I need help tonight, anything.
Im seriously struggling. Feigning the state of masochistic pleasure. Why I do this to myself I don't know. It just seems no matter what I do I end up back in the throes at death's door.
I need this tonight... brittle emptiness in the depths of my mind. Needing this, death, sweet release, please help. I don't know what to do.
Will this be it? Im sorry but I'm a poet and I tend to write in similar fashion when I'm truly expressing myself. Thing is this. Im really struggling right now. The worst time of day for me is night. Im up, my roommates asleep along with all my irl friends. I really need someone to relate to me and talk to me while I'm down. I never sleep anymore cause I honestly fear dreaming. More off I fear walking back up. So I tend to keep myself up. Every time I close my eyes I see painful memories of past trauma pleading with myself to wake up out of that fear only to find myself in a living nightmare when I wake back up and see my life has not changed. It's gonna be a long one tonight and I have nobody to keep me company.
Im reaching out tonight... I hope tomorrow will be better even though I know it'll be the same. I still carry hope, even though it's hard to do anymore. I will not just give up. Although I fear that day is coming soon...
Thus is an old song, but a good one that I just shared elsewhere. I feel it appropriate to my state of mind tonight. Maybe some will find it true...
Im seriously struggling. Feigning the state of masochistic pleasure. Why I do this to myself I don't know. It just seems no matter what I do I end up back in the throes at death's door.
I need this tonight... brittle emptiness in the depths of my mind. Needing this, death, sweet release, please help. I don't know what to do.
Will this be it? Im sorry but I'm a poet and I tend to write in similar fashion when I'm truly expressing myself. Thing is this. Im really struggling right now. The worst time of day for me is night. Im up, my roommates asleep along with all my irl friends. I really need someone to relate to me and talk to me while I'm down. I never sleep anymore cause I honestly fear dreaming. More off I fear walking back up. So I tend to keep myself up. Every time I close my eyes I see painful memories of past trauma pleading with myself to wake up out of that fear only to find myself in a living nightmare when I wake back up and see my life has not changed. It's gonna be a long one tonight and I have nobody to keep me company.
Im reaching out tonight... I hope tomorrow will be better even though I know it'll be the same. I still carry hope, even though it's hard to do anymore. I will not just give up. Although I fear that day is coming soon...
Thus is an old song, but a good one that I just shared elsewhere. I feel it appropriate to my state of mind tonight. Maybe some will find it true...
