I need something to live for

[lilb0wpeep]

I don't mean I need to give my life meaning, or just that I don't wanna live and there for have nothing to live for. But I need a reason to 'go'… I do not have anything that makes it worth it to stay alive, I would absolutely rather not exist at all. But (seeing as I can not escape) I need something that pulls/pushes me forward everyday. Like I have no sense of purpose so doing anything at all is dreadful. I don't want to live, I don't want to wake up, I don't want to go to work, I don't want to take care of myself. The only things I do want is to quit work, quit waking up, quit attempting to take care of myself, and binge eat as it's the only thing that being me some sense of satisfaction. Which is then followed up with negative feelings and consequences.
I've tried searching for a job that would be enjoyable and feasible, and no luck. I love my friends but they aren't getting me out of bed everyday if I'm only seeing them once every few months. I've tried to get myself to live for future me and to "be better", it honestly worked for little bit. But I can't fucking take it anymore, now it feels like the stupidest shit I've ever thought of.
I know you don't actually need a reason to live, but that's also the stupidest shit I've heard. Because if u didn't have a reason then you also wouldn't be able to wake up and do anything every day. I want to give up on everything+ life and so I need a reason to get up and not quit on my life. A reason to not quit and something to (physically)do as I'm trapped in this life.

 

[tonicer]

I am a purpose seeker.

The only purpose i have right now is to help my mother as good as i can. She's almost 80 and needs more help with everything each year. Once she's gone i have nothing and no-one.

No reason or purpose.

If only i could get a job. I write application after application go to interview after interview but i always get rejected. I know i am ugly but why does that matter for a simple 1st level IT tech support job?! Most of the things they do is via telephone and my voice isn't that bad. A job would mean purpose and also some money so i can safe some up and travel a bit.

I guess i am cursed to be miserable.

 

[Redacted24]

It might not work for you but... for years I did volunteer work. I had to get up early early on Saturdays, drive 40 min to the site, work 6 hours. By the time I was done I was filthy with dirt, sweaty, and sore.

But I look back at those years with huge fondness, and miss them.

I miss the feeling of seeing the good that happened, in part because I was there.

I still carry that inside.
I wish I could find something like that again.

If I didn't have that, I would have just puttered around the house all day. But after shower and lunch I was ready to do things, I felt energized, rejuvenated.

Just a thought, sorry if I'm not understanding wholly.

 

[pelicanportal]

same, nothing motivates me to live