Help I need someone who will make me not hesitate and finally ctb

[Boudika]

I don't want to live anymore. I'm tired of it. People keep using me for their own needs, I'm that therapist friend and idiot who believed she could do the impossible. I have been planning a ctb since August however, something keeps pulling me away from it. First it was my toxic mother's birthday, then I didn't want to spoil my friend more, then I actually believed I could make my dream come true. But honestly? I'm tired of fighting. I don't care that I'm supposed to meet an online friend on Sunday, I don't care that the woman I love lost a friend today who also ctb. I'm sick of worrying about others. Only, however, for some reason something still keeps me here and I can't reach out to SN even though I really want to. And I don't know what to do. I know it's against the rules to encourage - but I need at least words of support.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so tired of suffering in this existence and I understand that it's dreadful feeling trapped here. But anyway best wishes, I hate how it's not more straightforward to cease existing on our own terms.