Venting i need my method

[violetforever]

that feeling of sitting on the floor of my tiny room after a self harm session and just looking around for something that i could end my life with. i don't think i have anything good enough. if i do, i'm not confident in methods yet. my impulsivity wouldn't let me prevail. i need to land on a method and start preparing. i always come back to this feeling. it's the realization of a point with no return. i'm physically stuck sitting here for now because there is nothing to get up for. i don't want to do or try anything anymore as a poor attempt to feel temporary contentment. my only thought after self harming is that it's not enough. i just keep repeating to myself that i want everything to be over. i know that's what i want because i feel so empty with nothing else coming to mind.