I need help

[Imthevillain]

I'm in full panic attack mode now. I just cut and it's just not enough and I just want to od so badly, but that I know would only cause me more problems bc I know it wouldn't work but I just wanna take every pill of everything I have and j can't and I have to be here and it's just not fair it's not fuckinhg fair


Update: I have taken extra pills but not enough to kill me. It has at least stopped my anxiety for the moment and I happily and gratefully will take that and any peace I can get.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Please do not cut and try to OD on pills. These are the least effective methods and can result in catastrophic side effects like nerve damage and organ damage/failure.

Unfortunately we can no longer talk about methods but the November edition of the PPH is stickied at the top of the page. It will contain all the information you will need on peaceful methods.

 

[Imthevillain]

Please do not cut and try to OD on pills. These are the least effective methods and can result in catastrophic side effects like nerve damage and organ damage/failure.

Unfortunately we can no longer talk about methods but the November edition of the PPH is stickied at the top of the page. It will contain all the information you will need on peaceful methods.

It's not there for me. I looked. I'm also incredibly stupid so that could be my problem. Ty for trying

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Please stop right now. These methods will not work and you will make your life much worse by trying. You can suffer permanent damage from both cutting and overdoses.

There are people here and we see that you are suffering. Talk to us and we'll help you through this impulsive time.

CTB is not to be done on impulse. Your chances of failing and hurting yourself are sky high.

 

[Imthevillain]

It just hurts so much I can't understand why I have to be here. I'm not cut out for this life. I'm absolutely just not. Nvr have been. I even made a stupid meme about it…

Please stop right now. These methods will not work and you will make your life much worse by trying. You can suffer permanent damage from both cutting and overdoses.

There are people here and we see that you are suffering. Talk to us and we'll help you through this impulsive time.

CTB is not to be done on impulse. Your chances of failing and hurting yourself are sky high.

Ty btw I appreciate the kindness

 

[Crazy4u]

Can you please go to the hospital? taking all these pills is too painful and won't do any good. The sooner the better, please.

 

[Imthevillain]

Can you please go to the hospital? taking all these pills is too painful and won't do any good. The sooner the better, please.

I would end up in the psych ward and I'd only be allowed to get my meds a week at a time. I do understand your concern and ty Truly I'm ok tho. Just much calmer

I'm in full panic attack mode now. I just cut and it's just not enough and I just want to od so badly, but that I know would only cause me more problems bc I know it wouldn't work but I just wanna take every pill of everything I have and j can't and I have to be here and it's just not fair it's not fuckinhg fair


Update: I have taken extra pills but not enough to kill me. It has at least stopped my anxiety for the moment and I happily and gratefully will take that and any peace I can get.

Update 2: Does anyone wanna maybe chat some? Even here on this thread. I'm calm but also I still feel deep pain and if anyone wants to talk about anything at all, that would br awesome rn

 

[Crazy4u]

I will be here for sometimes. What do you want to talk about

 

[Imthevillain]

I will be here for sometimes. What do you want to talk about

I'm open to anything. The unfairness of being forced to live, maybe a tv show we have in common haps, different types of shrimp, if you could do anything tmw (exception of dying) and actually felt good enough to do it, most embarrassing story….haha I'm sry I'm just not particular. Oh I can tell something embarrassing. All growing up I thought it was "imparticular"and I didn't know any differently until the first time auto correct laughed at me

 

[Crazy4u]

I'm open to anything. The unfairness of being forced to live, maybe a tv show we have in common haps, different types of shrimp, if you could do anything tmw (exception of dying) and actually felt good enough to do it, most embarrassing story….haha I'm sry I'm just not particular. Oh I can tell something embarrassing. All growing up I thought it was "imparticular"and I didn't know any differently until the first time auto correct laughed at me

fair enough oh where to start

Around 9 years ago, I fell from stairs at work. I was new. The fall was TOO LOUD. People from many departments came to watch me and helped me. I was fine but laughed so hard due to my nervous giggle problem. I consider nervous giggle my most embarrassing habit.

I don't wanna talk about food I gained weight and ate LOTS of popcorn in the last few days.

Your turn. I want to hear about a funny confession

 

[Imthevillain]

Omg that would be totally embarrassed I think I'd have tried to play that off w a just kidding as I limped away

Hmm ok I have one from last night actually. So I was in a state of total confusion. I could not, COULD NOT, find where this stupid blue light was flashing from. It got to where I thought I was hallucinating. So I grabbed my roommate and was did you see that???

…..

It was the light on my earbuds I had in my ear while listening to music looll so basically, one could maybe argue that in some what of a similar fashion, I was trying to figure out my own shadow

 

[Crazy4u]

very similar scenarios happened with me as well :) I wouldn't call it embarrasing.

What did you have for dinner?

 

[Imthevillain]

I have only had toast today. Just no appetite at all. You? Hopefully better than mine ha

 

[Crazy4u]

ouch. i had 1 tortilla and some nuts. I don't feel like eating or doing anything. It is a strange day

 

[Imthevillain]

Strange how come? You can msg me if you're uncomfortable for any reason talking about here. Also ofc you don't have to answer it. There's that too

 

[MolinaKeyLime]

I would end up in the psych ward and I'd only be allowed to get my meds a week at a time. I do understand your concern and ty Truly I'm ok tho. Just much calmer


Update 2: Does anyone wanna maybe chat some? Even here on this thread. I'm calm but also I still feel deep pain and if anyone wants to talk about anything at all, that would br awesome rn

I would end up in the psych ward and I'd only be allowed to get my meds a week at a time. I do understand your concern and ty Truly I'm ok tho. Just much calmer


Update 2: Does anyone wanna maybe chat some? Even here on this thread. I'm calm but also I still feel deep pain and if anyone wants to talk about anything at all, that would br awesome rn

Could you tell me more about yourself and what your going through rn?

 

[Imthevillain]

Could you tell me more about yourself and what your going through rn?

Of course. I guess I'll start w I have BPD. Ugh it's draining. My brain is constantly telling me to mill myself. I thought it was just intrusive thoughts, but now I kinda wonder if it's been my mind trying to warn me that it only gets worse. It has been a steady downhill fall. I give up. There's so much wrong w me. I'm a freak of nature I have BPD, bipolar 2, ADHD (which my psychiatrist refuses to believe , but trust me I have just, 3. Severe anxiety and depressive episodes. So that's my abhorrent mental state. On top of it all, my FP doesn't care or want me around anymore. Thereby solidifying my abandonment issues. Just feels like my world is collapsing. Imma big baby is the real problem

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Just feels like my world is collapsing. Imma big baby is the real problem

There is nothing to be ashamed of. None of us asked for this life. Sometimes I feel like crawling in a ball and crying myself to sleep. But I have no more tears left to shed. Once things start spiraling out of control it is really hard to get back on track. It sounds like you are at war with your own mind, which is a torturous way to live. I wish I had the answers I really do.

 

[Imthevillain]

Ty it is. I'm so sick to death of myself. I'd abandon my own self if I could.

 

[MolinaKeyLime]

Of course. I guess I'll start w I have BPD. Ugh it's draining. My brain is constantly telling me to mill myself. I thought it was just intrusive thoughts, but now I kinda wonder if it's been my mind trying to warn me that it only gets worse. It has been a steady downhill fall. I give up. There's so much wrong w me. I'm a freak of nature I have BPD, bipolar 2, ADHD (which my psychiatrist refuses to believe , but trust me I have just, 3. Severe anxiety and depressive episodes. So that's my abhorrent mental state. On top of it all, my FP doesn't care or want me around anymore. Thereby solidifying my abandonment issues. Just feels like my world is collapsing. Imma big baby is the real problem

What's a fp? And my mom has bpd... I'm sorry I've heard it's hard.

 

[Imthevillain]

What's a fp? And my mom has bpd... I'm sorry I've heard it's hard.

This is going to sound so stupid and I WISH I wasn't like this. Ppl w BPD tend to sometimes focus all on one person. The sun will rise and set a this person. Pleasing them means everything to you. You make them your life. To be abandoned by one, I'm just saying it figures. I always knew I was impossible to love. Pity party aisle 3 needs mopping.

I'm sry for your mom

 

[MolinaKeyLime]

This is going to sound so stupid and I WISH I wasn't like this. Ppl w BPD tend to sometimes focus all on one person. The sun will rise and set a this person. Pleasing them means everything to you. You make them your life. To be abandoned by one, I'm just saying it figures. I always knew I was impossible to love. Pity party aisle 3 needs mopping.

I'm sry for your mom

It's OK I'm sorry for you and the fact that it's made you suicidal. What things do you do to cope with it? Besides venting online
And does it feel like you become obsessed with your partner? Or is it different?

 

[Imthevillain]

It's OK I'm sorry for you and the fact that it's made you suicidal. What things do you do to cope with it? Besides venting online
And does it feel like you become obsessed with your partner? Or is it different?

I'm sry I fell asleep. I'm struggling to cope at the moment tbh and I only know unhealthy coping mechanisms. I've just started DBT and I haven't been practicing enough. So when I panic I can't think of them. I took extra pills and cut today. I can't feel it when I panic. I will probably take extra pills again today. I will try not to cut.

I am totally and hopelessly obsessed w him. He used to be the same BUT I'm me. I can only be tolerated for so long. I have abandonment issues yeah…well that's pretty normal I think considering I've been abandoned as a child. I was even passed around as a baby. I remembered something today for some reason. I have had poor coping mechanisms since I was basically a toddler. I haven't remembered this in years, but today I remembered when I would get upset I would bang my head against the floor. I remember ppl laughing and feeling ashamed. I nvr stood a chance

 

[MolinaKeyLime]

I'm sry I fell asleep. I'm struggling to cope at the moment tbh and I only know unhealthy coping mechanisms. I've just started DBT and I haven't been practicing enough. So when I panic I can't think of them. I took extra pills and cut today. I can't feel it when I panic. I will probably take extra pills again today. I will try not to cut.

I am totally and hopelessly obsessed w him. He used to be the same BUT I'm me. I can only be tolerated for so long. I have abandonment issues yeah…well that's pretty normal I think considering I've been abandoned as a child. I was even passed around as a baby. I remembered something today for some reason. I have had poor coping mechanisms since I was basically a toddler. I haven't remembered this in years, but today I remembered when I would get upset I would bang my head against the floor. I remember ppl laughing and feeling ashamed. I nvr stood a chance

Are you religious at all? Personally I'd be scared if reincarnation bc I'd hate to come back. and I'm very sorry you went through that especially since childhood I'd directly affects the rest of ur live so I'd imagine it would feel impossible to change ( which is gow I feel)