I need a way out

[SpaxeZ]

I'm so scre..ed.. I've f..ked myself royally. I'm a 24 year old boy that have been thinking about suicide 24/7 for the past 5 years. I have non curable Erectile dysfunction due to prone masturbation in my teen years. I lost all sensation when I was 20. Had to quit med school due to being depressed and not being able to study.. Where I used to live we had crazy rules regarding segregating girls and boys everywhere and it was not easy to have a partner outside marriage and my family members were complete control freaks. They used to warn me against getting married, taking responsibilty and raising children so it got imprinted in my mind that masturbating is the best way to go all my life but then you grow up and see how real life is different. I made it out of there and not a virgin anymore.. lost my virginity to a sex worker when I was 23 but it felt like nothing much due to my injury and loss of sensation down there. We had so many problems at home.. mom dying at early childhood.. being raised by crazy grandparents.. constant fights caused by my dad.. having to run away to the street some nights.. threats from him wanting to kill me when he was on drugs.. him bringing escorts or junky friends of his to our home.. I'm stuck in a very weird place right now. So f..ing frustrated. I might even be on autism spectrum. Might be having Asperger's. I have such a social anxiety when I go outside and can't look people in the eyes much or can't interact well at first unless get to talk with someone for a while and then we make strong connections. If only there was a fix for my male issue.. I would be working on other parts of my life. Constant self loathing took everything from me.. Most of my life was spent in my room just studying or masturbating or watching movies. Life is so hard for me right now. I'm suffering every f..ing day. I want out but committing suicide is not that easy as well as there's alway the risk of failing my attempt and ending up with permenant injuries. There's no cure for my issue. I feel subhuman. I have many dreams for life yet I am suffering and can't see myself continue living like this. My life has been an absolute joke. Wish there was an easy sure method for me to off myself..

 

[SoftWorries]

Have you seen doctors concerning your issues caused by prone masturbation? My ex had exactly the same issue who ended up seeing a sex therapist.

He did a multi month practice to redirect the pleasure in his penis. Just like pleasure can be redirected to the ears or other sensitive place on the body in the case of people with lower body injuries it can be redirected after prone masturbation.

If you haven't seen a doctor I'd really recommend it. My ex cured his sexual issues and ended up having a healthy sex life after years of stress and lack of sensation.

 

[SpaxeZ]

Have you seen doctors concerning your issues caused by prone masturbation? My ex had exactly the same issue who ended up seeing a sex therapist.

He did a multi month practice to redirect the pleasure in his penis. Just like pleasure can be redirected to the ears or other sensitive place on the body in the case of people with lower body injuries it can be redirected after prone masturbation.

If you haven't seen a doctor I'd really recommend it. My ex cured his sexual issues and ended up having a healthy sex life after years of stress and lack of sensation.

Thank you! I appreciate your response. I have seen some doctors in my home country but they just brushed it off saying it's nothing. I haven't visited a sex therapist yet. Anyway I would still be feeling subhuman even after that because it's never gonna be the same as before.. this has wrecked my self esteem and nothing gives me joy anymore