Story I missed you guys so much!!

[TiredHorse]

I just now logged on --and my day has now been made 10,000% better knowing you're still here. Oh heavens; I can breathe again.

I'm sorry you had a rough time with Crest33 and 311. Losing people here (in particular, BurningLights) has been more rattling to me than losing IRL people. And those in particular, the way you describe them, must have been especially awful. I'm glad you got through that tunnel; it sounds really dark.

Welcome back, GingerPlum. I hope things get a little easier for you.

 

[lost_soul83]

I'm so sorry, guys.

Here's the thing about me. I am unreliable AF. The more I feel like people are depending on me, the more I tend to flake on them. You guys made me feel needed, and valued, so naturally I panicked. I didn't want any fuss, but I felt obligated to say goodbye before I tapped out. For a bunch of different reasons. In that moment, I didn't have an active plan, I just did not want to live anymore. You guys were as kind and supportive as I knew you would be. Thank you all so much for being so sweet, your words were like a warm embrace at a time when I really needed it.

I spent the last few days crying, binge drinking, and moping. I really feel like it's gotten to the point where I think my kids would be better off without me. My daughter told me she keeps her earbuds in all the time so she can't hear me sobbing. I can remember very vividly how stressful and frightening it is as a kid to hear your mother crying; how unsafe and out of control it felt.

It's not ok that I'm doing this to her. Nothing about my selfish meltdowns is ok. Sometimes I think it's not even the sadness that bothers me; I think it's that I can still remember what it was like to feel really happy. That's the awful part, really... that I have such vivid memories of being super happy.

I was envious when I read that @TiredHorse was in recovery. Of course I am thrilled for him, but I'm definitely jealous of him having that kind of resiliency. How I wish it were me.

On top of being more depressed than usual, the loss of @Crest33 and then @311 hit me really hard. Crest's sister actually contacted me... that was pretty gut wrenching. I thought, I just don't know if I can do this anymore. I wanted so desperately to stop @311 from ctb, I actually thought about alerting the authorities. I knew his name, his brother's name, his birthday, the general area he was in, and his parents' professions. Yeah, I seriously fucking thought about it doing something that intrusive, an unthinkable violation of trust. I am embarrassed to admit that, but yeah, in that moment I was completely overwhelmed with maternal instinct to protect him from himself. So, I realized I needed some time and some perspective.

Sorry to ramble. Thanks for listening. It feels good to be back.

Omg I just checked my emails. God, you guys are the absolute best. Means the world to me, thank you, thank you all so much!

I'm glad you got what you needed, when you needed it, from the people on this site. You always will! There will always be people here to love, cherish and support you, no matter what choices you make. I've not been on here long and don't know you, but if you need a listening ear, I'm here. :-)

 

[littlelady774]

Gingerplum! You're back!!

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I remember you from... somewhere...
On this site, I mean. Somehow. Something in me lit up when I saw your name. I'm glad you've decided to stay. Welcome back, hope you enjoy your stay!

 

[Whatiwantiswhatiwas]

You have most definitely been missed. When I read the goodbye message from @Smilla I literally burst into tears. I haven't had much internaction with you as I haven't been on here for so long. However I have absolutely appreciated your advice, Your quick witt, your geniue care and because of you I now have discovered Dorthy Parker! I absolutely love her! You are an absolute star! I'm so sorry your feeling like this and trust me I know how it feels. The dark hole is horrible. Seeing @Crest33 @Eden2k @BurningLights leave in the short time I've been here. I feel absolutely gutted also. I find it absolutely crazy how we can grow so fond of people we have never met, but somehow we feel this connection and genuinely feel absolutely devastated they are gone. It's made my day seeing you back! @gingerplum

 

[Misanthrope]

I have not been here very long. But the way you carry yourself and the kindness you show is certainly valuable. I just wish you were not in so much pain in the first place.

 

[Stillnotsure]

Welcome back my friend. A few of us experienced the same "oh shit" moment when we thought you may try to ctb. It's funny, we all came here when we were in crisis mode and wanted to ctb, but we stayed because we found camaraderie and family in like minded people. I was impressed you gallantry tried to respond to each question when you knew the answer. Like @TiredHorse, I find myself getting tired of the same questions asked repeatedly by people who don't want to read the megathreads themselves. I too have taken a step back, choosing only to respond where a risk of harm or a good chance I can better the situation exists. You can't carry the world by yourself @gingerplum , but together, we will all hold it up, carrying one another when we get tired.

 

[iHeartRockArt]

OMG! You're back! Welcome back you beautiful soul! We missed you so much and I was so sad thinking something may have happened to you. I've thought about you, and your beautiful children for days. I wish I could offer something more than my words...would love to just give you the biggest hug ever and thank you for all you do for us here. I hope that you continue healing, as we will be here for you through every step. Love you, pretty lady. You deserve all the best.

 

[Jodes]

Meeting Crest's sister must have been incredibly character building. I seriously respect that, and wish I had the same courage and strength of beliefs. I'm glad you're still here!!

(Edit: sorry I am beyond awful at expressing emotion but good feelings are there I promise)

 

[Bluedew]

I never say much on this forum but I just have to say that I'm so very glad that you're still here !

 

[NotWorthLiving]

Welcome back. Glad you're okay. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. Hugs.

 

[Final Escape]

Glad you are ok. Yea this site can definitely be painful when people you kind of got to know finally decide to go through with it. I have a really hard time when people are leaving and it's hard to even respond. Anyway, good to see u back :)

 

[GhostedToast]

Welcome back! Glad to know you're ok.

 

[throwaway_2620]

Welcome back, gingerplum! I'm happy you're back and I wish you all the best.

 

[Robanon]

I'm so sorry, guys.

Here's the thing about me. I am unreliable AF. The more I feel like people are depending on me, the more I tend to flake on them. You guys made me feel needed, and valued, so naturally I panicked. I didn't want any fuss, but I felt obligated to say goodbye before I tapped out. For a bunch of different reasons. In that moment, I didn't have an active plan, I just did not want to live anymore. You guys were as kind and supportive as I knew you would be. Thank you all so much for being so sweet, your words were like a warm embrace at a time when I really needed it.

I spent the last few days crying, binge drinking, and moping. I really feel like it's gotten to the point where I think my kids would be better off without me. My daughter told me she keeps her earbuds in all the time so she can't hear me sobbing. I can remember very vividly how stressful and frightening it is as a kid to hear your mother crying; how unsafe and out of control it felt.

It's not ok that I'm doing this to her. Nothing about my selfish meltdowns is ok. Sometimes I think it's not even the sadness that bothers me; I think it's that I can still remember what it was like to feel really happy. That's the awful part, really... that I have such vivid memories of being super happy.

I was envious when I read that @TiredHorse was in recovery. Of course I am thrilled for him, but I'm definitely jealous of him having that kind of resiliency. How I wish it were me.

On top of being more depressed than usual, the loss of @Crest33 and then @311 hit me really hard. Crest's sister actually contacted me... that was pretty gut wrenching. I thought, I just don't know if I can do this anymore. I wanted so desperately to stop @311 from ctb, I actually thought about alerting the authorities. I knew his name, his brother's name, his birthday, the general area he was in, and his parents' professions. Yeah, I seriously fucking thought about it doing something that intrusive, an unthinkable violation of trust. I am embarrassed to admit that, but yeah, in that moment I was completely overwhelmed with maternal instinct to protect him from himself. So, I realized I needed some time and some perspective.

Sorry to ramble. Thanks for listening. It feels good to be back.

Omg I just checked my emails. God, you guys are the absolute best. Means the world to me, thank you, thank you all so much!

Glad you're back.

All this stuff is really complicated. People come here for all sorts of reasons and those reasons ebb and flow like tides for each of us.

All any of us can do it try our best to find a path and to help others find theirs - and those paths may head to different places.

The other thing we can all do, and you do do, is be kind. Everyone here has their own reason, their own story. But all of them, all of us, need kindness x

 

[JustAboutDone]

The other thing we can all do, and you do do, is be kind. Everyone here has their own reason, their own story. But all of them, all of us, need kindness x

This is lovely x

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

Welcome back

 

[lifeisbutadream]

 

[311]

Dont know If you're still here but I was found unconscious by my father and sent to a hospital, then a psych hospital.

 

[Kingkelly]

I'm so sorry, guys.

Here's the thing about me. I am unreliable AF. The more I feel like people are depending on me, the more I tend to flake on them. You guys made me feel needed, and valued, so naturally I panicked. I didn't want any fuss, but I felt obligated to say goodbye before I tapped out. For a bunch of different reasons. In that moment, I didn't have an active plan, I just did not want to live anymore. You guys were as kind and supportive as I knew you would be. Thank you all so much for being so sweet, your words were like a warm embrace at a time when I really needed it.

I spent the last few days crying, binge drinking, and moping. I really feel like it's gotten to the point where I think my kids would be better off without me. My daughter told me she keeps her earbuds in all the time so she can't hear me sobbing. I can remember very vividly how stressful and frightening it is as a kid to hear your mother crying; how unsafe and out of control it felt.

It's not ok that I'm doing this to her. Nothing about my selfish meltdowns is ok. Sometimes I think it's not even the sadness that bothers me; I think it's that I can still remember what it was like to feel really happy. That's the awful part, really... that I have such vivid memories of being super happy.

I was envious when I read that @TiredHorse was in recovery. Of course I am thrilled for him, but I'm definitely jealous of him having that kind of resiliency. How I wish it were me.

On top of being more depressed than usual, the loss of @Crest33 and then @311 hit me really hard. Crest's sister actually contacted me... that was pretty gut wrenching. I thought, I just don't know if I can do this anymore. I wanted so desperately to stop @311 from ctb, I actually thought about alerting the authorities. I knew his name, his brother's name, his birthday, the general area he was in, and his parents' professions. Yeah, I seriously fucking thought about it doing something that intrusive, an unthinkable violation of trust. I am embarrassed to admit that, but yeah, in that moment I was completely overwhelmed with maternal instinct to protect him from himself. So, I realized I needed some time and some perspective.

Sorry to ramble. Thanks for listening. It feels good to be back.

Omg I just checked my emails. God, you guys are the absolute best. Means the world to me, thank you, thank you all so much!

Your a valued member and person. So sorry your going thru all this. So @Crest33 confirmed :/ was wondering how he was. Xoxo hugs

 

[JustAboutDone]

I wanted so desperately to stop @311 from ctb, I actually thought about alerting the authorities. I knew his name, his brother's name, his birthday, the general area he was in, and his parents' professions.

@311 does Ginger plum know you are around atm? She was really stressed out about you

 

[311]

@311 does Ginger plum know you are around atm? She was really stressed out about you

I have no idea where she is

 

[JustAboutDone]

I have no idea where she is

Weird! x maybe she's still taking time off

 

[311]

Weird! x

It seemed like she just came back then vanished. I'm worried

 

[JustAboutDone]

It seemed like she just came back then vanished. I'm worried

I think someone said she was online browsing last week. Is it school holiday time in the US? Maybe she is away with her children? I assumed she had been in touch with you via a pm that's why I thought I'd ask x