ggetout33
Just stuck here.
- Mar 3, 2023
- 177
As of writing, I'm 22 years old. But I miss who I used to be when I was about 17-19. My post-high school but pre-COVID years.
I think COVID slowly caused a radical shift in how I view the world since I missed out on the social opportunities that are normal for people that age, I spent a lot of time stuck in my room, and via the internet I got a front-row seat at how vile, selfish, and stupid people can be. And how incompetent at best and malicious at worst the institutions we depend on can be.
But before I was 20, I had a passion for living. I wanted to do art, I wanted to fall in love, and I had a plan for how my life would go. But as you can tell, it all fell apart. I got fat, dating opportunities dried up, no medication could treat my ADD without causing severe side effects so I gave up on that. Couldn't crack it at drawing so gave up on that. I thought I had a second wind by trying to publish erotica a few months ago but I personally blew that up. Haven't been motivated since.
Only thing I haven't given up on is guitar but that's only because I have other people to practice with and help me learn, and they count on me to remember my parts, its also the only thing I've consistently practiced since I was 17. I still try to practice but I think I could use more consistency.
Even though I know so much more compared to who I was back then, I also feel very aimless and ummotivated. I don't feel any sense of purpose beyond "be a guitar player" or work another wage-slave job. And honestly, if I were a ghost who found out I died in my sleep, my reaction would probably be something like: "Oh well, it wasn't gonna get better anyways. Sucks for my family and friends."
Sometimes it sucks to know more.
I think COVID slowly caused a radical shift in how I view the world since I missed out on the social opportunities that are normal for people that age, I spent a lot of time stuck in my room, and via the internet I got a front-row seat at how vile, selfish, and stupid people can be. And how incompetent at best and malicious at worst the institutions we depend on can be.
But before I was 20, I had a passion for living. I wanted to do art, I wanted to fall in love, and I had a plan for how my life would go. But as you can tell, it all fell apart. I got fat, dating opportunities dried up, no medication could treat my ADD without causing severe side effects so I gave up on that. Couldn't crack it at drawing so gave up on that. I thought I had a second wind by trying to publish erotica a few months ago but I personally blew that up. Haven't been motivated since.
Only thing I haven't given up on is guitar but that's only because I have other people to practice with and help me learn, and they count on me to remember my parts, its also the only thing I've consistently practiced since I was 17. I still try to practice but I think I could use more consistency.
Even though I know so much more compared to who I was back then, I also feel very aimless and ummotivated. I don't feel any sense of purpose beyond "be a guitar player" or work another wage-slave job. And honestly, if I were a ghost who found out I died in my sleep, my reaction would probably be something like: "Oh well, it wasn't gonna get better anyways. Sucks for my family and friends."
Sometimes it sucks to know more.
