Venting I miss my old life

[dmdmdm]

I used to have friends, fun, a loving partner, a vision, basically everything. Essentially, I was doomed to be happy.

Little did I know I kept working against those things and they vanished one by one right in front of my eyes. And what was most important to me just disappeared.

Now I'm left alone, stranded. Scared of people, scared to trust and love, scared to open up. I don't know how much longer, but I know not much longer.

I'd give everything to get back what I once had

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I can relate to this. Waaay back in my youth, I was a heavy party-er. Beer, whisky, marijuana. High all the time. Had lots of "friends", too. I (purposely) made a change in my mid 20s and stopped partying 100%, marijuana first, and then drinking. Not having that in common with my "friends" anymore, the friendships slowly dissolved one by one. Guess that's really all we had since everything centered around the partying. Never was able to make any new friendships at college or work for a bunch of different reasons, one being just didn't have the time. Now, I find myself older and friendless. What I didn't see coming is that all my relatives would end up dying, leaving me as the sole survivor. Not a good place to be and a big reason why I'm not planning on waiting until old age gets me and has its way with me. Old age takes support, at least of some kind, and I just don't have that. And then there's the loneliness, not to mention that I just don't want to try anymore. I see no reason to. I think for a lot of us, life's circumstances ends up making our decisions for us. It's not fair, but it is what it is. I don't really miss my old partying life, but I miss certain aspects of it. I still wouldn't ever go back, though. My past is my past, even though my "future" didn't work out so well.