Venting I miss my ex every day, and that will probably be the reason for my CTB

[sla_porra22]

I simply give up. I don't understand how people get over relationships. I mean, it's not so hard when the person fuck everything up, but when it's the other way around, it's simply impossible. I think about it every day. I miss her every day. I can't feel happiness or joy for even a moment, and in these almost 6 months there hasn't been a single day that I haven't cried remembering about it. I'm just such an idiot. I wish I could go back in time and do everything differently. I feel like texting her saying I miss her and I just can't. I can't because I'd be a complete jerk just to reappear in her life. I don't even have any information about her because she's made her accounts private. She's never blocked me from anything, In fact, she even FOLLOWS me here on the forum, although I only logged into her account once, a day after creating it. so I COULD send a message. But I won't. I wanted to spend the whole night talking nonsense and laughing, discussing completely random topics that we stumbled upon out of nowhere, I can't talk about all the plans we had. I miss everything. I will never understand how people move on. It doesn't make sense. I hate every part of myself day after day And I'm only still alive because I'm too incompetent to kill myself. I'm thinking of trying again on Friday, probably semi-suspension or ligature strangulation. Unfortunately, these are the only methods I have available right now. I REALLY hope I can do it this time.

And for everyone who read this utter nonsense and thought about how futile and retarded the reason is that my depression has never been worse, I want to reward you with this:

A photo of my niece's rabbit receiving affection (he's very cute).

 

[kurgan]

So she gonna read this post since she follows you

 

[iwkmsssb]

i blame myself everyday as well, but that guilt will get you nowhere and will consume you until you can't take it anymore.

 

[sla_porra22]

So she gonna read this post since she follows you

I doubt it. She hasn't logged into her account since the day she created it

 

[sla_porra22]

I'm thinking of trying again on Friday, probably semi-suspension or ligature strangulation

I failed again, by the way. Every time I try, it goes wrong. I firmly believe I'm immortal because of some kind of curse or something

 

[Kokonoe]

my ex will also be the reason i die. i have a lot of reasons to ctb, but she is really the one pushing me into death. it feels so pathetic and sad to be dying because of another person, especially one that doesn't even care about me.

 

[anxiousdweller]

I was like this until month 8 when i decided to get on meds, of course its still not fully away and i on the side deal with a lot of other mental health issues but it did help tremendously for me to not keep hitting myself with the guilt hammer every minute and at least "function" in some way.

 

[sla_porra22]

my ex will also be the reason i die. i have a lot of reasons to ctb, but she is really the one pushing me into death. it feels so pathetic and sad to be dying because of another person, especially one that doesn't even care about me.

I am really sorry about that. Especially because she doesn't care about you.

I feel extremely pathetic too. But despite that, I think killing myself so I never have any chance of talking to her again is the greatest act of love I could do

I was like this until month 8 when i decided to get on meds, of course its still not fully away and i on the side deal with a lot of other mental health issues but it did help tremendously for me to not keep hitting myself with the guilt hammer every minute and at least "function" in some way.

Unfortunately, for me, medication has only made it easier to hide it from people. Internally, it's only gotten worse everyday

 

[Lambybahhhhhh]

I simply give up. I don't understand how people get over relationships. I mean, it's not so hard when the person fuck everything up, but when it's the other way around, it's simply impossible. I think about it every day. I miss her every day. I can't feel happiness or joy for even a moment, and in these almost 6 months there hasn't been a single day that I haven't cried remembering about it. I'm just such an idiot. I wish I could go back in time and do everything differently. I feel like texting her saying I miss her and I just can't. I can't because I'd be a complete jerk just to reappear in her life. I don't even have any information about her because she's made her accounts private. She's never blocked me from anything, In fact, she even FOLLOWS me here on the forum, although I only logged into her account once, a day after creating it. so I COULD send a message. But I won't. I wanted to spend the whole night talking nonsense and laughing, discussing completely random topics that we stumbled upon out of nowhere, I can't talk about all the plans we had. I miss everything. I will never understand how people move on. It doesn't make sense. I hate every part of myself day after day And I'm only still alive because I'm too incompetent to kill myself. I'm thinking of trying again on Friday, probably semi-suspension or ligature strangulation. Unfortunately, these are the only methods I have available right now. I REALLY hope I can do it this time.

And for everyone who read this utter nonsense and thought about how futile and retarded the reason is that my depression has never been worse, I want to reward you with this:

A photo of my niece's rabbit receiving affection (he's very cute).

Yes, my ex is a big part of my reasons to CTB. I really loved and cherished every moment we spent together. And I know it's immature but I can't see him the same way after well he probably got involved with other women. I could have asked him if we could try again, but I feel that would be embarrassing as he's hurt me a lot. We're still in contact as two weeks ago he made a burner account to bypass the original block I gave him. Blocked that account then he made another burner account. I guess he just wanted to know how I was. I crashed out today telling him I hate him and that I hope I don't cross paths with him again if there's an after life. Maybe I have a big ego. He told me to not do anything reckless and that I mean a lot to him. I doubt he means it. But anyway, thinking that we get to be together in another timeline makes me not so sad to CTB. I really wanted to live a long life with him and have children together. It's hard to accept that dream is dead.

 

[Kokonoe]

I am really sorry about that. Especially because she doesn't care about you.

I feel extremely pathetic too. But despite that, I think killing myself so I never have any chance of talking to her again is the greatest act of love I could do

for my situation, it's not an act of love. i don't think she deserves anything like that from me anymore. i feel completely trapped by her, and i just want it to end. i am not so lucky that i never interact with her again and can forget and move on. i can't get rid of her and i can't really take it anymore. j can't handle how she treats me anymore and i can't handle how i can't just stop being affected by her. suicide is just an act of mercy for myself to let this suffering end. and while i am so worthless my death would be meaningless to her, i would be lying if i didn't say that i feel the slightest sense of "need" to ctb just as a way to get back at her somehow. it feels like all i can do. i get put through so much abuse and the most i can do in return is kill myself and hope it upsets her. it's completely pathetic.

It's hard to accept that dream is dead.

god do i feel this so much. this exact thought is what haunts me so much. she was the only person i wanted to share my life with and that dream is long dead. how am i supposed to keep living when the life i wanted is now completely unobtainable to me.