Venting I miss my best friend.

[untildeathdousapart]

It has been around two months since my best friend committed suicide. The more i found out about it, the more anger i feel. She did it while she was hospitalised. The staff watched her doing that impulsive decision. She was hopeful and starting to make plans for her near future again, we even talked about meeting up only a few hours prior. That evening she got triggered, and had no one to remind her that she's loved. They watched her jumping off there, they watched her even going back from the railing first, before doing what she did. They didn't try talking nor did they try to get in contact with her. As she died, something deep within me also died. Everyday gets harder and more unbearable and I'm unsure how long I can keep going. I'm in contact with her mother, we often message each other and have met up a few times. Everything feels hopeless and horribly sad. I wish I could hug her one last time again. If i'd die, maybe I could see her again.
I need to correct myself, i do not feel anger towards her, i would never. I feel angry at the staff and how poorly they've done their job and afterwards dealt with it. (e.g. saying that they have done nothing wrong and starting arguments with the family).

 

[SadLad]

I hope you'll be okay. I'm struggling so badly right now too. Please dm me if you want to chat.

 

[theboy]

I'm sorry you had to go through that terrible situation. Undoubtedly, people who commit suicide leave a painful mark on those who survive (friends and family). I hope you can recover and heal your wound. I lost an online friend who committed CTB and I still remember it.

 

[untildeathdousapart]

I hope you'll be okay. I'm struggling so badly right now too. Please dm me if you want to chat.

same goes to you, im bad at talking about my own problems (at least in a direct manner, writing into the void is easier) but if you feel like talking to a stranger feel free to do so.

I'm sorry you had to go through that terrible situation. Undoubtedly, people who commit suicide leave a painful mark on those who survive (friends and family). I hope you can recover and heal your wound. I lost an online friend who committed CTB and I still remember it.

That is true, indeed. As she died she took a million pieces of other people with her. If only she could've seen how many people went to her funeral amd how much she was loved. I'm deeply sorry you had to go through that too. It must be hard to not being able to say a proper goodbye since you've only met them online.

 

[absntaknwldgmnt]

I can't believe how people can start arguments with a grieving family like that. Plus, her life was in their care, they have culpability

 

[untildeathdousapart]

I can't believe how people can start arguments with a grieving family like that. Plus, her life was in their care, they have culpability

it's horrible, they just kept saying that they haven't done anything wrong and even told the family that it was inevitable (which it was indeed not). the mother put a candle at the place where she committed, they just threw it away. Such heartless people that are supposed to help in a mental crisis.

 

[Bunnybrains]

that sounds like alot of super heartless humans- I'm so sorry for ur loss and seeing as your friend was making plans with you even at her worst it seems like she really loved you. I hope u can find a brief respite from the pain somehow

 

[untildeathdousapart]

that sounds like alot of super heartless humans- I'm so sorry for ur loss and seeing as your friend was making plans with you even at her worst it seems like she really loved you. I hope u can find a brief respite from the pain somehow

I hope she knew how much she meant to me. And thank you for your kind words. I'm not sure how long i can keep going, everyday just gets harder and harder.