i remember being younger and convinced things were going to be looking up. when i tried to kill myself at 13 and ended up in the mental hospital for the first time, i remember being so optimistic that this was where my life would turn around. the same thing happened in 2020 when i survived SN and was sent to residential after exhausting all other options. this is where my life would change for the better. residential was the last option i hadn't tried. now there is nothing i haven't done. if i survive this next attempt, whenever that may be, there is no hope left. if i survive i will be put through everything i have already tried. i miss having hope
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FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 48,332
This life can be very disappointing after all. Often any kind of hope just leads to more suffering. It sounds like you have been through a lot and it must had been tiring having had to endure those failed attempts.
I wish you the best.I'm so sorry. It's clear how much you have suffered and still fought to carry on. I haven't had the same trauma that you have and I feel so bad for you. I do understand your feelings around hope though. I guess it's all we have to stop us giving up completely. I've found quite often it's when I'm the most hopeful that I get kicked in the teeth again. It's made me so cynical. A part of me believes it's naive of me to feel hopeful even but then I guess I look around at other people who seem to be happy and successful and think- I guess it worked for them. I wish I knew what to say to help.I feel you.
I destroyed my hope myself. That's what make me want to punish myself.
I hope you can restore yours or find the peace you seek. Please search yourself and see what it is that is eating you. I know exactly what eats me. Medicine numbs it some, but it doesn't go away.
People say the past is the past. Nothing can be done.
Well no kidding..but I have one last thing to do about it if I get to the tipping point again.
Hell If they'd let me live in the ward to save others from my pain, I'd take it over being free and miserable and making others worry about me.l and give them grief.they'dLast edited:
theboy
Illuminated
- Jul 15, 2022
- 3,416
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