I maybe HIV positive

[Parnate]

Well i am a man and gay, 29 years old.
So i am sexually active and do for oral sex with anonymous people. Prior to my last hiv test i had unprotected sex with many men
Since my last hiv test in 2021 when i tested negative for hiv, i have not had unprotected anal sex with anyone. Only oral sex. That is others giving me blowjobs
But recently i was self medicating with amantadine for concentration and my depression. on 17th March while cruising, i lost my control and initiated unprotected anal sex with a man i found at the cruising place. I didn't complete it nor did i completely insert my penis inside his ass but i did try.
Also i had a condom at hand but i was tempted to have unprotected sex and did try a bit.
I don't know his hiv status. I could have got on post exposure prophylaxis,but didn't. I dint think it as a big risk at all. I was tempted many times before this to have unprotected sex but i didn't givw in to the temptation.
Since last Monday i am having these chicken pox like rashes on my upper body and arms . And i think this is a seroconversion rash. Also i have weird feeling in wrists. Sudden and intense itching for a few seconds .
I have premonition like feeling that this time that maybe i have caught it. I also feel like it is written in my destiny, fate whatever. Me using the amantadine, becoming impulsive on it,having unprotected sex with a random stranger. It's as if god is wanting this to happen. I was meant to do it. Its as if it was meant to happen anywhich ways. Well these symptoms could be an alergy or anything.
Only a hiv test can tell if i really have it or not .
But if i become positive it will be a death blow.

Recently i started amitriptyline, also self medicating. It is sort of one of the last hopes i have. And i did sort of feel better on it in the beginning. Less depression, less anxiety, more self acceptance. It felt like finally there was one medicine i could cling to . And then this happens.
I know it is a treatable disease nowadays and i people with hiv acn lead normal lives.
But the guilt for me will be unbearable. I will never be able to tell it to my family.
Right now I am not as anxious or worried. I am thinking only a test can tell if or not i have it .
So let's wait for the test.

 

[Das Nichts]

How long do you have to wait ?

 

[Parnate]

How long do you have to wait ?

I had on 17th of March so three months from then means 17th of june

 

[bigdog]

Well i am a man and gay, 29 years old.
So i am sexually active and do for oral sex with anonymous people. Prior to my last hiv test i had unprotected sex with many men
Since my last hiv test in 2021 when i tested negative for hiv, i have not had unprotected anal sex with anyone. Only oral sex. That is others giving me blowjobs
But recently i was self medicating with amantadine for concentration and my depression. on 17th March while cruising, i lost my control and initiated unprotected anal sex with a man i found at the cruising place. I didn't complete it nor did i completely insert my penis inside his ass but i did try.
Also i had a condom at hand but i was tempted to have unprotected sex and did try a bit.
I don't know his hiv status. I could have got on post exposure prophylaxis,but didn't. I dint think it as a big risk at all. I was tempted many times before this to have unprotected sex but i didn't givw in to the temptation.
Since last Monday i am having these chicken pox like rashes on my upper body and arms . And i think this is a seroconversion rash.
I have premonition like feeling that this time that maybe i have caught it. I also feel like it is written in my destiny, fate whatever. Me using the amantadine, becoming impulsive on it,having unprotected sex with a random stranger. It's as if god is wanting this to happen. I was meant to do it. Its as if it was meant to happen anywhich ways. Well these symptoms could be an alergy or anything.
Only a hiv test can tell if i really have it or not .
But if i become positive it will be a death blow.

Recently i started amitriptyline, also self medicating. It is sort of one of the last hopes i have. And i did sort of feel better on it in the beginning. Less depression, less anxiety, more self acceptance. It felt like finally there was one medicine i could cling to . And then this happens.
I know it is a treatable disease nowadays and i people with hiv acn lead normal lives.
But the guilt for me will be unbearable. I will never be able to tell it to my family.
Right now I am not as anxious or worried. I am thinking only a test can tell if or not i have it .
So let's wait for the test.

Yeah condom sucks but I like women.

 

[outrider567]

Well i am a man and gay, 29 years old.
So i am sexually active and do for oral sex with anonymous people. Prior to my last hiv test i had unprotected sex with many men
Since my last hiv test in 2021 when i tested negative for hiv, i have not had unprotected anal sex with anyone. Only oral sex. That is others giving me blowjobs
But recently i was self medicating with amantadine for concentration and my depression. on 17th March while cruising, i lost my control and initiated unprotected anal sex with a man i found at the cruising place. I didn't complete it nor did i completely insert my penis inside his ass but i did try.
Also i had a condom at hand but i was tempted to have unprotected sex and did try a bit.
I don't know his hiv status. I could have got on post exposure prophylaxis,but didn't. I dint think it as a big risk at all. I was tempted many times before this to have unprotected sex but i didn't givw in to the temptation.
Since last Monday i am having these chicken pox like rashes on my upper body and arms . And i think this is a seroconversion rash. Also i have weird feeling in wrists. Sudden and intense itching for a few seconds .
I have premonition like feeling that this time that maybe i have caught it. I also feel like it is written in my destiny, fate whatever. Me using the amantadine, becoming impulsive on it,having unprotected sex with a random stranger. It's as if god is wanting this to happen. I was meant to do it. Its as if it was meant to happen anywhich ways. Well these symptoms could be an alergy or anything.
Only a hiv test can tell if i really have it or not .
But if i become positive it will be a death blow.

Recently i started amitriptyline, also self medicating. It is sort of one of the last hopes i have. And i did sort of feel better on it in the beginning. Less depression, less anxiety, more self acceptance. It felt like finally there was one medicine i could cling to . And then this happens.
I know it is a treatable disease nowadays and i people with hiv acn lead normal lives.
But the guilt for me will be unbearable. I will never be able to tell it to my family.
Right now I am not as anxious or worried. I am thinking only a test can tell if or not i have it .
So let's wait for the test.

Highest risk is for bottoms, then tops--oral sex is much less of a risk--So how did Charlie Sheen get HIV positive?----Although HIV drugs keep AIDS at bay, long term use of these drugs can cause serious health problems decades from now

 

[Das Nichts]

I had on 17th of March so three months from then means 17th of june

Three months, wtf ? I would have thought there are faster ones.

Yeah condom sucks but I like women.

There are condoms that are way thinner then the normal ones. It's not exact the same as without but very close.

 

[bigdog]

Three months, wtf ? I would have thought there are faster ones.

There are condoms that are way thinner then the normal ones. It's not exact the same as without but very close.

Thanks I will try

 

[warriorofeld]

I had on 17th of March so three months from then means 17th of june

Could I pm you?

 

[Parnate]

Yeah condom sucks but I like women.

Could I pm you?

Yes please go ahead

 

[Aisley]

Remember it's spring time. Rashes and itching are common this time of year. Take antihystamines for a few days straight and I bet it'll go away.

this sucks but to be fair, deserved.

What the hell is wrong with you? A death sentence is deserved for casual sex? Wait and see how you feel about it if you ever get laid, you stupid kid.

 

[Death is my goal]

Wait and see how you feel about it if you ever get laid

lol you think i go and have sex with every man i see?
also, it's not a "causal sex"

 

[Aisley]

No. Obviously I think you're a virgin. And it was casual sex. A reread of both my comment and op's comment will clear both of those points up for you. Gonna come on to a suicide forum and go on about your irrelevant and highly subjective moralities? Grow the fuck up.

 

[Parnate]

Could I pm you?

Yes please

 

[watchingthebuses]

Remember it's spring time. Rashes and itching are common this time of year. Take antihystamines for a few days straight and I bet it'll go away.

What the hell is wrong with you? A death sentence is deserved for casual sex? Wait and see how you feel about it if you ever get laid, you stupid kid.

definitely not agreeing with the comment you replied to but HIV is no longer a "death sentence" per say, there are medications now that are so much better than what we used to have (gosh PIs are so bad aren't they) and with the new generics available, they are also not bankrupting-expensive. And I heard there might be programs to help afford them if needed, but not 100% on that, at least in the US.

I know OP said they know it's treatable, but just reiterating to help change the perspective on it. Still awful disease, just wouldn't call it a death sentence.

 

[Aisley]

Yup. I thought that after, and prolly should have editted it. Showing my age more than anything else, eh? I was just so fucking angry lol.

 

[LittleJem]

Hey...I read that flu-like symptoms is the early sign of HIV...and also a nucleic acid test can usually detect HIV the soonest (about 10 to 33 days after exposure).

OP I hope you continue to feel better from depression, I hope your test is negative and then in future this is such a high risk activity that is there a way to ensure you don't do it again, even if you are on drugs? or next time get the post exposure thing...

I had unprotected sex the other week because I just stopped caring about catching anything. But maybe we should look after ourselves better in future, just for other people if not for ourselves. I also was really hoping I had cancer (I had a little sign of it) but it turned out I don't. It was my dream exit ticket! Oh well.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

this sucks but to be fair, deserved.

I can't even believe you would say this when someone is opening up and looking for support on a site like this. IN 2023. Sounds like something out of the 1980s but at least the ignorant masses could blame that on fear of a new virus back then, what's your excuse?

 

[pharmacoepia]

I think you have herpes rather than HIV. HIV symptoms are flu like in the early stages. Herpes and other viral STD's seem like your issue. Also, i'm sure that tops have a lesser risk of contracting illness.

If it isn't HIV, most of the others are curable, and herpes remains inactive in your sensory ganglia for the rest of your life, occasionally reactivating.

lol you think i go and have sex with every man i see?
also, it's not a "causal sex"

You have no idea if the person is a sex-addict or is an impulsive man that suffers from a multitude of conditions that could cause impulsivity like this. It's not always clear if somebody is just stupid, or if other issues like bipolar mania, an iatrogenic condition or lesion caused disorder in his OFC, or the tens of other conditons that cause that behavior.

I think it's very ignorant and a very fast conclusion you made when you say that he "deserved it" without any other context.

 

[EmmaD]

I had on 17th of March so three months from then means 17th of june

I don't know what country you are in but I'm pretty sure there are tests which are accurate that you can take quicker than waiting 3 months.
Please don't panic about this. I have an HIV positive friend who has been positive since the 90s, still going strong, still dating, still living a good life.

 

[never mind me]

I'm sorry you're in this situation. But there is no reason to feel guilty. There are quite a few other sexually transmitted diseases you could have contracted, that are not as dangerous as HIV, but that may you require to get treatment like antibiotics. So if possible you should go and see a doctor and tell him/her about your symptoms and that you had unprotected sex. OF course you should also get the HIV test when enough time has passed. But your symptoms might also be something else.