I may take my SN tonight

[Bijinal]

It's 5:45 PM where I live. I'm probably waiting until ~11:30 PM to make the SN cups.
I'd like to go in depth about how I got here, what is leading me to these decisions and actions but honestly, my brain feels like mush

The only two things that sadden me at this moment are robbing my family from leading a normal parental experience of seeing their son go through school, graduate college and earn a living for himself, and for not being able to break off this cycle of relapse / depression / stagnation and small illusions of victories that I've battling against ever since I left High-School.

However that's not the first time I've had impulses like that, so there are good chances I'm just deluding myself again, faking that I'm actually capable of making meaningful life plans. Anyways, if that's the case, I'll (try to) return to this post and update it / ask a mod to delete it.

Sorry about the weird post

 

[dory]

The only two things that sadden me at this moment are robbing my family from leading a normal parental experience of seeing their son go through school, graduate college and earn a living for himself, and for not being able to break off this cycle of relapse / depression / stagnation and small illusions of victories that I've battling against ever since I left High-School.

Guilt is one of the biggest things about CTB, i hope when its time you are at peace and things are smooth, wishing you luck :)

 

[deleted442]

No need for apologies @Bijinal. It is 22:11 here where I am.
Not a weird post at all. The fact you are reaching out says a lot.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

When the time is right you will have the strength to defeat SI. I hope things go well for you and you find peace & freedom on the other side!

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm also sadden to know my family will never see me go to college, get married etc, I'm too big of a Fuck up for any of those. I hope you find peace

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[Dot]

Am sre tht membrs wll b opn 2 tlk if u hve n.e secnd thghts or jst wn2 tlk thngs thru

 

[whywere]

Always around if you want to talk, saying no more nor no less.

Walter

 

[LaVieEnRose]

If you want to talk things through I am also willing to talk to you.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm sorry that I was never able to give my mother the grandchildren she wanted. It's too late now, as she's passed away, but I'll regret that until the day I die. We sure do pile up a bunch of regrets on life's roadway, don't we?

 

[betternever2havbeen]

Please open up if you can before you do anything. You might as well right?

 

[reaching_zer0]

May you find peace.

 

[wanttodie]

good luck hope you as peace soon

 

[Bijinal]

Hello,
Sorry it took that long so send an update, despite saying I'd do so in case I didn't go through it. So, yeah, obviously since I'm posting right now I didn't CTB that night.

Although my perspective on CTB in general hasn't changed -it is something that gets viewed with prejudice by historical, cultural and, maybe, instinctive aspects, and there should be more thought and dialogue put it and the topics that surround it, such as mental health and the pressure in living-, I reached the conclusion that I don't want to do so yet (I still want to "try life out", whatever that means).

I don't want to go into too much detail because the situation at the moment is...well, weird, but for those that saw my introduction in the "intro post", I did come out to my parents about failing college, but I haven't had the guts to talk about some of my other issues yet. I have been blessed with supportive parents who understand, in their own ways, failing in life, so they've welcomed me home back, but at the cost of, at times, saying some "triggering" things about mental health, CTB and things alike, stuff that a lot of you probably know from experience what I am talking about. But maybe I've been wishing for way too much.

So, yeah, again sorry I didn't update this post earlier, it's been hard finding time to access the forum -and I may not do so much in the future, I do want to think about and try things to do with my life going forward-. I appreciate everyone's messages of wishing me a peaceful "travel" or lending a hand to hear me out. I might reach a mod and ask to delete or block further messages in here in case that's what is best, I'm not sure I haven't done any sort of thing like this before xD.

 

[Huntfish34]

Amen brother, I understand much ( not all ) that you speak of; especially with kind, loving, and accepting parents. Do what is best for You.....

Thoughts and prayers to you always- Godspeed. ♥

 

[whywere]

Hello,
Sorry it took that long so send an update, despite saying I'd do so in case I didn't go through it. So, yeah, obviously since I'm posting right now I didn't CTB that night.

Although my perspective on CTB in general hasn't changed -it is something that gets viewed with prejudice by historical, cultural and, maybe, instinctive aspects, and there should be more thought and dialogue put it and the topics that surround it, such as mental health and the pressure in living-, I reached the conclusion that I don't want to do so yet (I still want to "try life out", whatever that means).

I don't want to go into too much detail because the situation at the moment is...well, weird, but for those that saw my introduction in the "intro post", I did come out to my parents about failing college, but I haven't had the guts to talk about some of my other issues yet. I have been blessed with supportive parents who understand, in their own ways, failing in life, so they've welcomed me home back, but at the cost of, at times, saying some "triggering" things about mental health, CTB and things alike, stuff that a lot of you probably know from experience what I am talking about. But maybe I've been wishing for way too much.

So, yeah, again sorry I didn't update this post earlier, it's been hard finding time to access the forum -and I may not do so much in the future, I do want to think about and try things to do with my life going forward-. I appreciate everyone's messages of wishing me a peaceful "travel" or lending a hand to hear me out. I might reach a mod and ask to delete or block further messages in here in case that's what is best, I'm not sure I haven't done any sort of thing like this before xD.

Howdy!

Like I mentioned before me and others are here to talk with, as I consider SS a global family and we are all in this together, hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder.

No matter what a person does with ones' life we should love, care, have empathy and kindness towards each other always.

Sending you lots of hugs, love and the knowledge that you are a vibrant and loving soul.

Walter

 

[ToTheTwillight]

I admire your gutsiness to admit to your parents your big fear. I myself am scared to confront mine about my issues. I was kind of in the same boat as you are and wanting to CTB just a week ago, but may have to push it forward for a little while longer. Here to talk if you ever want to

 

[whywere]

I admire your gutsiness to admit to your parents your big fear. I myself am scared to confront mine about my issues. I was kind of in the same boat as you are and wanting to CTB just a week ago, but may have to push it forward for a little while longer. Here to talk if you ever want to

You are a loving and wonderful spirit, and your post made me feel kindness and love and that SS is a global family.

Thank you so very much,

Walter