Story I made peace with death during my ketamine trip.

[traingirl]

I was fully expecting relief from my suicidal thoughts with a ketamine experience but I feel like it just reinforced the opposite. That my problems and pain are too big for this world. That it's ok if I die. I was so scared of dying before but now I'm not afraid anymore. I already died the day my mom died. My life was over from that point on and anything going forward has just been a joke. A semblance of a life. Bandaging it with pills and drugs and addictions to get by. I don't know if this will still make it any easier to pull the trigger but at least I came to this realization. Every bit of my trauma resurfaced and it's so much that I don't think I can bear to hold it much longer.

 

[Sadbanana]

I also expected psychadelics to cure my depression. In many ways it made me feel better, but it also made me realize a lot of negative things about my life I was trying to supress. It's not as much cure as just removal of all mental filters. But I still think it mostly helps, fully accepting death is a good thing. Even better would be if I accepted this shitty life, but I'm not sure if that's even possible.

 

[traingirl]

I also expected psychadelics to cure my depression. In many ways it made me feel better, but it also made me realize a lot of negative things about my life I was trying to supress. It's not as much cure as just removal of all mental filters. But I still think it mostly helps, fully accepting death is a good thing. Even better would be if I accepted this shitty life, but I'm not sure if that's even possible.

The crying part feels good but I'm just reminded of the things I wanted to suppress. Every painful memory came back. Now I can't stop thinking about my dead dog and my dead mom and how I lost my job and how alone I truly am.