I lost my virginity and I don't know how to feel

[LivideLamb]

I lost my virginity. What made me me. I don't have many things, yet, I had my virginity

Yes, it was consensual. Yes, I did it for love, for my love for my man. But, I don't know how to feel. I'm happy to know what it feels like. But, it feels like I was robbed of a tilte. I want one man, and, one man only in my life. I don't know how I'll deal with it, if he leave me... I feel like there's a pit in my stomach wehenever I think about it, about my sweet virginity that is now non-existent, that I cannot take back, that I will never have it back

 

[Celerity]

I assume you are a woman. Do you think men obsess about their virginity in this way? Wishing you the best.

 

[LivideLamb]

I assume you are a woman. Do you think men obsess about their virginity in this way? Wishing you the best.

I am indeed a woman. Though, it's not an obsession. I want one man, and, one man only in my life. Maybe, maybe I gave him my virginity too soon. it's definitely not an obsession, it's about my morals. And, yeah, I assume some men "obsess" about it as well

 

[Celerity]

I am indeed a woman. Though, it's not an obsession. I want one man, and, one man only in my life. Maybe, maybe I gave him my virginity too soon. it's definitely not an obsession, it's about my morals. And, yeah, I assume some men "obsess" about it as well

Do you think it is wrong because you are not married yet? And men obsess about losing their virginity, generally, not keeping it.

 

[LivideLamb]

Do you think it is wrong because you are not married yet? And men obsess about losing their virginity, generally, not keeping it.

Exactly. I think it is wrong because I wanna make sure that my boyfriend is gonna be my one and only, yet, sometimes, I doubt it. It's terrible. I feel really bad about that

 

[Spiritual survivor]

losing virginity won't hurt u from a future partner, but u must be vigilant to avoid racking up partner after partner as this can ruin your ability to pair bond over time. Sex impacts women more in this way. We lose our ability to bond the more partners we rack up. U need to really screen for a guy who is interested in commitment and investing in u.

 

[LivideLamb]

losing virginity won't hurt u from a future partner, but u must be vigilant to avoid racking up partner after partner as this can ruin your ability to pair bond over time. Sex impacts women more in this way. We lose our ability to bond the more partners we rack up. U need to really screen for a guy who is interested in commitment and investing in u.

I wlil definitely not engage in hookup culture. It's just this feeling of feeling li,e a whore if I do it with more thatn one man. It goes against my morals, and, I don't know how to deal with it

 

[Kit1]

I lost my virginity. What made me me. I don't have many things, yet, I had my virginity

Yes, it was consensual. Yes, I did it for love, for my love for my man. But, I don't know how to feel. I'm happy to know what it feels like. But, it feels like I was robbed of a tilte. I want one man, and, one man only in my life. I don't know how I'll deal with it, if he leave me... I feel like there's a pit in my stomach wehenever I think about it, about my sweet virginity that is now non-existent, that I cannot take back, that I will never have it back

I am really saddened to read about how you felt here and you had also mentioned the word "whore" in a later post.

You have clearly waited to have a sexual relationship and you have mentioned that you did this for love - which makes that sexual act as "making love". You have not done anything wrong as you have spoken a language of love with someone you love and that intimacy (provided that it was a safe and completely consensual act) is part of being in a healthy relationship.

In this world, there are no guarantees that a human being will always have the same partner till the end as sometimes relationships can be separated through death, disagreements etc. So it will be difficult to have a 100% guarantee that a "life partner" will always remain that "life partner".

To give one's virginity in an act of love to someone they love is special and it seems like that is what happened - so please try and think of this as your special moment.

This is my opinion and I hope that I have not upset you. You are worthy of being in a loving, consensual relationship and you deserve to be happy in every way possible - which is brilliant. Take care.

 

[LivideLamb]

I am really saddened to read about how you felt here and you had also mentioned the word "whore" in a later post.

You have clearly waited to have a sexual relationship and you have mentioned that you did this for love - which makes that sexual act as "making love". You have not done anything wrong as you have spoken a language of love with someone you love and that intimacy (provided that it was a safe and completely consensual act) is part of being in a healthy relationship.

In this world, there are no guarantees that a human being will always have the same partner till the end as sometimes relationships can be separated through death, disagreements etc. So it will be difficult to have a 100% guarantee that a "life partner" will always remain that "life partner".

To give one's virginity in an act of love to someone they love is special and it seems like that is what happened - so please try and think of this as your special moment.

This is my opinion and I hope that I have not upset you. You are worthy of being in a loving, consensual relationship and you deserve to be happy in every way possible - which is brilliant. Take care.

Your post touches me quite a lot, I must admit that it's bringing tears to my eyes, it seems like a very "pure" post in some way. Thank you for your answer.

I did make love, it definitely wasn't a one night stand, or, a hookup of any sort. I did it because I love my man. Though, he always tells me about how I'm living in this fairytale land, where I want one partner only, but, that he can't garantee it. I never asked for him to garantee it, I just always asked for him to be honest about his intentions with me. But, whenever we argue, or, fight, I question my decision. I tell myself that maybe I should've waited a little more. Maybe, maybe just a little more...

 

[R_N]

What is done is done. It is also not a big deal as it may seem. What matters is you seem loyal yourself, if others aren't, that is on them.

Don't feel bad about it.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I wlil definitely not engage in hookup culture. It's just this feeling of feeling li,e a whore if I do it with more thatn one man. It goes against my morals, and, I don't know how to deal with it

i understand how you feel. i dont want to think about it but im fairly confident i broke every rule i had for myself, not having sex before im married or with more than 1 person included...

it doesnt help that when i unoptionally moved back in with my ex husband he said something about "moving on so quick", i dont think he knows ive been with someone else yet but i was only gone for 2 days (even though it was our 1yr anniversary)..
(im sorry but i honestly have this thread on ignore because i relate and its triggering/upsetting... not that it matters considering it still shows up on the home screen if it was the last one commented on)

 

[Spiritual survivor]

I wlil definitely not engage in hookup culture. It's just this feeling of feeling li,e a whore if I do it with more thatn one man. It goes against my morals, and, I don't know how to deal with it

I did unfortunately not understanding the damage I was doing to myself. I was not intentionally trying to be like that, but I just had low standards and low self esteem, was a victim of child sexual abuse. I think it impacted me to be predisposed. I was using sex to feel better about myself but it actually did the opposite.

 

[Kit1]

Your post touches me quite a lot, I must admit that it's bringing tears to my eyes, it seems like a very "pure" post in some way. Thank you for your answer.

I did make love, it definitely wasn't a one night stand, or, a hookup of any sort. I did it because I love my man. Though, he always tells me about how I'm living in this fairytale land, where I want one partner only, but, that he can't garantee it. I never asked for him to garantee it, I just always asked for him to be honest about his intentions with me. But, whenever we argue, or, fight, I question my decision. I tell myself that maybe I should've waited a little more. Maybe, maybe just a little more...

Maybe, but you loved him with all your heart and virginity does not only relate to our bodies, but to our minds as well. You loved him with your heart and that is enough.

However one word of caution - for those of us who have been sexually abused as children, we tend to have a low view of ourselves because our abuser/s have treated us as cheap commodities and sometimes the experience of trying g to get away also gives us the wrong views of ourselves. What was done to us and stolen from us as children is the ultimate betrayal and the fault is never the children's, but the abusers and anyone who turns a blind eye to the suffering of children.

You are now an adult and in a relationship that you are truly loyal to and in love with someone - and please always remember that the other person should be worthy of your love. If there is betrayal there, then it is theirs to hold.

I hope that your love blossoms and you will always be loved and cared for in a mutual, trusting, loving relationship.

Take care.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Virginity is a completely artificial construct. It only has to have the importance that you assign to it. The first time with a new partner can be special too if it gets to that point.

 

[Terry A. Davis]

Virginity is a completely artificial construct. It only has to have the importance that you assign to it. The first time with a new partner can be special too if it gets to that point.

Wrong

It's true: Sex changes the brain - and it IS different for men and women

A Japanese study of tiny spines that occur between brain cells revealed virgin male rats to have far more of them than more sexually experienced counterparts.

www.dailymail.co.uk

 

[piddincir]

I think it speak to your emotional maturity on this that you even consider this.

Most people engage in sex for the first time in the wrong way. I did with a girl I really liked but turns out didn't want anything more from me than a one night stand, that really fucked me up and made me feel unworthy of love. My late wife did at an early age because she had low self esteem and was taken advantage of, again that really fucked her up.

It wasn't until we both met that we really experienced sex properly, the love making that it sounds like you engaged in. There is nothing wrong with hooking up if that's your thing but you need to have the right mentality for it and it can be fun no doubt but nothing beats making love.

I get you only want one man for life, but trust me from age and what I've learned from life, even if you're not this with this person for life, you won't regret losing your virginity this way. It's the way it should be done

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Wrong

It's true: Sex changes the brain - and it IS different for men and women

A Japanese study of tiny spines that occur between brain cells revealed virgin male rats to have far more of them than more sexually experienced counterparts.

www.dailymail.co.uk

It is when it comes to the psychosocial implications that are attached to the state of being a virgin and which OP is talking about. Rat brains are irrelevant in that case.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your suffering and I know it cannot be taken back or undone. I hope there is some way to find peace with your values and morals.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Wrong

It's true: Sex changes the brain - and it IS different for men and women

A Japanese study of tiny spines that occur between brain cells revealed virgin male rats to have far more of them than more sexually experienced counterparts.

www.dailymail.co.uk

Red flag #1 - That study was done on rats, thus the results don't necessarily apply to humans. That's actually one of the biggest problems with animal studies in general.

Red flag #2 - You used the Daily Mail as your source. I don't think I need to elaborate further on that one...

I'm not saying this because I'm looking to get into a debate or to annoy you, I just wanted to go over this quickly. A lot of people have a tendency to go over studies they've found from media articles without taking into consideration certain aspects of the study (in this case, whether it was conducted on humans or not), or who is writing the article (media articles don't always do a great job at correctly reporting on findings from studies).

 

[Celerity]

losing virginity won't hurt u from a future partner, but u must be vigilant to avoid racking up partner after partner as this can ruin your ability to pair bond over time. Sex impacts women more in this way. We lose our ability to bond the more partners we rack up. U need to really screen for a guy who is interested in commitment and investing in u.

The pair-bonding thing is a myth. The truth is that scientists don't understand enough about how the brain works to call any hormone the "love hormone" or create theories about how they work. Animals that do not produce oxytocin can still pair bond, indicating that oxytocin is not as essential as previously believed. If there is any relationship between a lack of pair-bonding and promiscuity, the causal direction is likely reversed: a tendency not to pair bond drives promiscuity.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

The pair-bonding thing is a myth. The truth is that scientists don't understand enough about how the brain works to call any hormone the "love hormone" or create theories about how they work. Animals that do not produce oxytocin can still pair bond, indicating that oxytocin is not as essential as previously believed. If there is any relationship between a lack of pair-bonding and promiscuity, the causal direction is likely reversed: a tendency not to pair bond drives promiscuity.

I guess it could be the case, we are lied to about a lot of stuff science is not all honest.

 

[LivideLamb]

I wi

What is done is done. It is also not a big deal as it may seem. What matters is you seem loyal yourself, if others aren't, that is on them.

Don't feel bad about it.

I wholeheartedly agree with it. What is done is done. I cannot change the past. Yet, I still wonder why I did it. I felt like I lost my "pure maid" aura

i understand how you feel. i dont want to think about it but im fairly confident i broke every rule i had for myself, not having sex before im married or with more than 1 person included...

it doesnt help that when i unoptionally moved back in with my ex husband he said something about "moving on so quick", i dont think he knows ive been with someone else yet but i was only gone for 2 days (even though it was our 1yr anniversary)..
(im sorry but i honestly have this thread on ignore because i relate and its triggering/upsetting... not that it matters considering it still shows up on the home screen if it was the last one commented on)

I relate to this too freaking much

I also broke every rule I had for myself. Sex before marriage. Sex before being sure that my partner will be long-term... I really don't wanna have sex with more than one person, I really don't want to. It's eating me from the inside out.

Maybe I shouldn't have donee it. I did it for love. Was it the right time, the right men,

I completely understand that this whole thing can be triggering. I honestly can understand it. And, I apologize to everyone who might have be triggered by this thread

I think it speak to your emotional maturity on this that you even consider this.

Most people engage in sex for the first time in the wrong way. I did with a girl I really liked but turns out didn't want anything more from me than a one night stand, that really fucked me up and made me feel unworthy of love. My late wife did at an early age because she had low self esteem and was taken advantage of, again that really fucked her up.

It wasn't until we both met that we really experienced sex properly, the love making that it sounds like you engaged in. There is nothing wrong with hooking up if that's your thing but you need to have the right mentality for it and it can be fun no doubt but nothing beats making love.

I get you only want one man for life, but trust me from age and what I've learned from life, even if you're not this with this person for life, you won't regret losing your virginity this way. It's the way it should be done

Thank you for sharing your experience, it warms my heart, in some way. It's heartwarming to know that people out there are having healthy sex life

I just don't know what to think right now. From childhood, I only wanted one man, one husband, one partner. I feel lost in the fog of the reality of life

I'm sorry to hear about your suffering and I know it cannot be taken back or undone. I hope there is some way to find peace with your values and morals.

Thank you, I really appreciate this

 

[Ashu]

I wlil definitely not engage in hookup culture. It's just this feeling of feeling li,e a whore if I do it with more thatn one man. It goes against my morals, and, I don't know how to deal with it

I know this is easy to say, but you need to examine your morality freely and objectively. The conception of sexual morality that you describe is harsh and premodern, and will probably end up hurting you. Be kinder to yourself. You want to share love with your partner. This is a beautiful and innocent desire, whatever may happen in the future. Love is never a sin.

 

[TooConscious]

Sex never filled the void I felt in this cesspit of debauchery and suffering, hypocrisy.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

It doesn't make a difference in practice. I cared a lot about this at the start. But then when we broke up for good because he was not very nice, and 10 months later I was ready to try again but with a friend. It did not feel like anything was lost, everything felt all the same. It was just a silly act of intimacy.

I would still not give myself up to anyone, but there is not just one special person in the world. There are many people who I love and value.