Story I lost my only friend because I asked her out

[RosebyAnyName]

I wasn't even super into her, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask just for the heck of it. If she said no, I was perfectly fine just staying friends.

Well, since I'm socially inept, I didn't know that asking someone out could have negative consequences, now she won't even talk to me and I lost my only friend. And here I was told that asking someone out "could never hurt" and "the worst they could say is no." How was I supposed to know that wasn't actually true?

I looked up why this could happen, and learned that people can feel uncomfortable around someone that asked them out and it's common for them to no longer want to be friends with them. How the hell was I supposed to know that? If I knew that, I just wouldn't have asked since I wasn't super into her anyways. Why are the social rules always changing? I can never keep up with what I'm "supposed" to do in social situations, it's hopeless. I keep learning new things but there's always more I miss and it never gets better.

Now I'm alone again, just like what always happens when I make friends. I fuck something up unintentionally because of something that I think is innocuous actually being some huge social faux pas. Like in the past when I'd make social mistakes and try to explain myself, apparently trying to explain yourself is actually also a faux pas so now I never do. Now whenever I fuck up I just cry alone and wait for people to reach out to me again, only for it to never happen. Why am I retarded? Being a social failure despite trying as hard as possible is a fate worse than death.

 

[Grog]

If you weren't into her, why did you ask her out?

 

[eupdplishlp]

I wasn't even super into her, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask just for the heck of it. If she said no, I was perfectly fine just staying friends.

Well, since I'm socially inept, I didn't know that asking someone out could have negative consequences, now she won't even talk to me and I lost my only friend. And here I was told that asking someone out "could never hurt" and "the worst they could say is no." How was I supposed to know that wasn't actually true?

I looked up why this could happen, and learned that people can feel uncomfortable around someone that asked them out and it's common for them to no longer want to be friends with them. How the hell was I supposed to know that? If I knew that, I just wouldn't have asked since I wasn't super into her anyways. Why are the social rules always changing? I can never keep up with what I'm "supposed" to do in social situations, it's hopeless. I keep learning new things but there's always more I miss and it never gets better.

Now I'm alone again, just like what always happens when I make friends. I fuck something up unintentionally because of something that I think is innocuous actually being some huge social faux pas. Like in the past when I'd make social mistakes and try to explain myself, apparently trying to explain yourself is actually also a faux pas so now I never do. Now whenever I fuck up I just cry alone and wait for people to reach out to me again, only for it to never happen. Why am I retarded? Being a social failure despite trying as hard as possible is a fate worse than death.

damn you really been hit with a machette of a sword bro. I feel that and that's heavy. First fact is 1 there's nothing u can say now to make it worse she already isn't speaking to you. This frees up oportunity to say whatever you want. If it were me i'd be like I'm hurt you don't honour our friendhip or assume I woudln't honour mine despite how I feel. say somthing like. I apologise if I made you feel any kinda way but i'd never do anything to make you feel uncomfortable if you ever want a genuine friend im here. and if she really was a good friend a time willcome when she needs to speak to someone again and you'll pop up in her mind

If you weren't into her, why did you ask her out?

 

[RosebyAnyName]

If you weren't into her, why did you ask her out?

I was into her, but I was fine being just friends too. Sorry I wasn't clear about that.
Additionally, I'm socially retarded and thought she was flirting with me first, so I thought by asking her out I could "break the mold".

 

[Grog]

Sometimes, when a friend discovers that you have feelings for them, it changes the dynamic and it might make your friend uncomfortable because they know you see them as more than a friend; the feelings just don't go away. And, she might feel that her friendliness towards you might be misinterpreted and maybe she just wants to avoid all that. Her feelings are valid. Yours are too, though. I'm really sorry this happened.

 

[eupdplishlp]

I was into her, but I was fine being just friends too. Sorry I wasn't clear about that.
Additionally, I'm socially retarded and thought she was flirting with me first, so I thought by asking her out I could "break the mold".

it's up to you if you want to talk to her or not depending on how you feel. if you really want to talk to her and feel you know in your heart you can respect the freidnship boundary then communicate it. But at some point if she doesn't want to speak that will also need to be accepted

 

[RosebyAnyName]

it's up to you if you want to talk to her or not depending on how you feel. if you really want to talk to her and feel you know in your heart you can respect the freidnship boundary then communicate it. But at some point if she doesn't want to speak that will also need to be accepted

We were getting along great before, we even still talked a bit afterwards, but after me not posting and giving her the opportunity to reciprocate, she didn't reach out to me. She might be interested in still being friends, but honestly, knowing my luck I'll probably fumble that communication somehow and fail anyways. I think I won't say anything right now.

We do have something scheduled in the future where we will need to meet (it's mandatory), not sure how I'm going to navigate that but maybe she won't be as upset then and I can at least just share what I'm feeling and let her come to her own conclusions.

 

[eupdplishlp]

We were getting along great before, we even still talked a bit afterwards, but after me not posting and giving her the opportunity to reciprocate, she didn't reach out to me. She might be interested in still being friends, but honestly, knowing my luck I'll probably fumble that communication somehow and fail anyways. I think I won't say anything right now.

We do have something scheduled in the future where we will need to meet (it's mandatory), not sure how I'm going to navigate that but maybe she won't be as upset then and I can at least just share what I'm feeling and let her come to her own conclusions.

then bro honestly sounds like she's just thinking it over how long ago did you tell her?

 

[Dejected 55]

I learned to never ever tell a woman I like her. It never goes well. I learned that I should never have tried.

 

[Thunderstorm]

I'm sorry

Your thread really spoke to me. You put into words really well how I been feeling as well.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

then bro honestly sounds like she's just thinking it over how long ago did you tell her?

About three weeks ago, not sure if that changes anything. I highly doubt she's interested in a relationship.

 

[eupdplishlp]

About three weeks ago, not sure if that changes anything. I highly doubt she's interested in a relationship.

3 weeks is a long time you've done the hard part. if your curious communication can defo help clarify where things are. if not you will get a chance to clarify things when you see her at that manditory thing. ask her if shes up for the mutual frienship stuff and if infact she has been ignoring you. I've asked people before if they've been ignoring me and they say they thought I was ignorning them.

 

[Grog]

3 weeks is a long time you've done the hard part. if your curious communication can defo help clarify where things are.

If it's been three weeks with no communication, then things are evidently non-existent.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Made that same mistake 7 years ago and I chose defeat, i walked away, and left that place the same, that day *fake your death begins playing in the background*

 

[RosebyAnyName]

Minor update: something came up and I needed to contact her again (related to our meetup later), and she was just so formal, using my legal name instead of my preferred name, offering to do certain things in advance instead of later like we had planned, and it hurt so much.

It's so over. I can't even get out of bed anymore unless I need to do something. I've just let myself go, hoping that if I'm numb enough it won't hurt anymore, but it still just keeps getting worse. Nobody will love me, I'm so tired of trying but I'm even more tired of remembering that all my relationships fail because of my own fault. I could have completely avoided this if I wasn't retarded.

I have a therapy session tomorrow but I'm not even sure what to say. I'll just be told that I should treat this like a "learning experience," as if any amount of learning I've tried to do is ever enough. I'm tired and ready to go to bed even though the day has just started, I'm ready to just throw in the towel.

 

[Rynalia]

I've always hated this so much, losing friends after someone confesses.

For me I'm usually on the receiving end of the confession though. But I always want to keep my friends even though I don't want to get romantically involved with them.

We can still hang out, we can still share life happenings, we can still vent, we can still goof off together... Why stop?

They always start to avoid me like the plague and treat me indifferenly at best and coldly at worst, and honestly it sucks. It hurts a lot.

Did everything that came before mean nothing? Is what I would often just ask myself.

It takes a lot for me to stay self aware and as objective as possible about the situation though. But after a while of continued neglect or poor treatment I end up splitting and man oh man it gets so bad. So much for trying to repair the relationship then.

But that brings up a certain point now, is there a possibility that their actions are fueled by their own mental demons?

 

[psp3000]

there is a chance that someone could think or assume that the only reason why you wanted to become friends with them or were friends with them was because you wanted to get to know them romantically / they may think or probably will assume that it was all a lie and the friendship was fake or just a facade

every flashback to moments of kindness, fun, and vulnerabilty may be viewed as things done with ulterior motives
or questioned and thought of in a different light

after such a confession (from the perspective of someone who has been on the receiving end/opposite side of this situation before)

Sometimes, when a friend discovers that you have feelings for them, it changes the dynamic and it might make your friend uncomfortable because they know you see them as more than a friend; the feelings just don't go away. And, she might feel that her friendliness towards you might be misinterpreted and maybe she just wants to avoid all that. Her feelings are valid. Yours are too, though. I'm really sorry this happened.

^^