Venting I live in a world where my death will solve my financial problems than if I continue to live

[ringo99]

I'm 36, no intention of marrying, no friends and recently had to move in with my parents because I couldn't afford rent and associated expenses anymore post covid. My father is a piece of shit but my mom's an absolute rock. He and his family emotionally abused her throughout her life which left her with a plethora of health problems. She's in her 60s but she still continues to work. We're not in a financially hopeless situation but in a position where a single major medical emergency will wipe out our life savings.

I'm not sure if it has a name but I suffer from a problem that makes it extremely hard to learn and process anything new. This has only become worse the older I've gotten. I work in the tech industry which requires constant updation and I'm losing ground. It's only a matter of time before I'm laid off like the rest. In this shithole of an economy my prospects of finding gainful employment again are next to nil. I still have somewhat decent health insurance so long as I have a job, a bit of savings that hasn't grown any larger since covid and a life insurance plan that I've been paying into for over a decade now.

My father's a worthless pile of trash who pissed away most of his money on, if you can believe it, an even more useless younger brother (who ironically doesn't talk to him) and a bunch of Filipina nurses when he was working abroad. I don't consider him as part of my family anymore. He will not figure into my post-ctb plans.

After watching Falling Down I've realized that I'll soon be joining the ranks of the "economically not viable". This will close a lot of doors on me and severely diminish my and worst of all my mom's standard of living in the future. Her health's only getting worse and she won't be able to continue for much longer. There's no social safety net or universal healthcare here and mental healthcare is a joke. Even if I decide to live there's nothing but abject poverty and possible homelessness in my future due to my diminished mental and earning capacity.

The only way I can secure a reasonably secure financial future for my mom is suicide. In one of life's cruelest ironies, the longer I continue to live, the more of a drain I end up being. I have a life insurance policy that I've been paying into for over a decade that will provide a pretty good payout in case of suicide and some savings. When I'm gone I'll actually be able to alleviate any financial woes that my mom may experience. She also has two older sisters and plenty of friends who will help her emotionally. I'm in the process of finding a lawyer who will discreetly draft my last will and testament. A will here requires two witnesses so I'll probably have to pay a couple of randos to sign.

I've reached the point which is perfectly explained by that line in Joker:

"I just hope my death makes more cents than my life"

 

[katyusha_kat]

I can relate. I used to work in finance but got laid off in 2022. That was my third layoff. I'm so tired of my life being subject to the whims of the Feds and interest rates. My retirement savings and liquid savings was destroyed entirely. I was recently discharged from chapter 7 bankruptcy but my two rebuilding cards are already maxed out due to my car needing things. I can no longer afford to live alone so I had to move back in with my mom.

I don't think my mom has a life insurance policy on me, and unfortunately I had to cancel the policy I had on myself. But I'm to the point where I think I'd be worth more dead than alive.