Summer Child
-cognitive dissonance personified-
- Oct 15, 2022
- 23
Weird title I know. Probably wondering what this has to do with suicide, but it's a lot for me.
I've always had trouble making and maintaining human connections. I'm very possibly autistic, I just can't do it the way everyone else does, and I'm expected to too. It's a gap that most people who are NT really won't understand. I hate how they pretend to care about you, or appear like they will try to understand you as much as you try to understand them, have tried to on a daily basis for your whole entire life. The truth is, they really won't give the same effort back, no matter how good their intentions are. I'm kind of sick of it. I don't mean badly, I don't mean to be weird, or cringe, or anything, I'm trying my best here. But one misstep and you're creepy, or trying too hard, or they get mad at you for not understanding something, and you get excluded. Doesn't matter if they're people who have claimed to be your friends for years, you will never get the same effort back. You only get empty platitudes.
But cats, cats are much easier for me to get along with. I can read them much easier, it's very easy once you learn the language and the particular cat. They don't deliberately mix their signals, they are clear about their boundaries, and, they will be direct if you do something wrong. I love cats so much. I don't get why it's so hard to interact with humans, but so easy to do so with a being I have much less in common with, species wise.
I have a cat, too. It's been the only reason I've been able to hang on this past year or so, I'm so very grateful to her for it. I'm only alive to take care of her. It's a little less lonely for me, too, when I can hang out with her at night, and I feel a bit better when she shows me her little displays of affection. I feel like I have to stay alive to protect her. I don't know what I'd do if I lost her, she's almost everything to me. I'm barely hanging on as is.
Well okay cat rant over. Thanks if you read.
I've always had trouble making and maintaining human connections. I'm very possibly autistic, I just can't do it the way everyone else does, and I'm expected to too. It's a gap that most people who are NT really won't understand. I hate how they pretend to care about you, or appear like they will try to understand you as much as you try to understand them, have tried to on a daily basis for your whole entire life. The truth is, they really won't give the same effort back, no matter how good their intentions are. I'm kind of sick of it. I don't mean badly, I don't mean to be weird, or cringe, or anything, I'm trying my best here. But one misstep and you're creepy, or trying too hard, or they get mad at you for not understanding something, and you get excluded. Doesn't matter if they're people who have claimed to be your friends for years, you will never get the same effort back. You only get empty platitudes.
But cats, cats are much easier for me to get along with. I can read them much easier, it's very easy once you learn the language and the particular cat. They don't deliberately mix their signals, they are clear about their boundaries, and, they will be direct if you do something wrong. I love cats so much. I don't get why it's so hard to interact with humans, but so easy to do so with a being I have much less in common with, species wise.
I have a cat, too. It's been the only reason I've been able to hang on this past year or so, I'm so very grateful to her for it. I'm only alive to take care of her. It's a little less lonely for me, too, when I can hang out with her at night, and I feel a bit better when she shows me her little displays of affection. I feel like I have to stay alive to protect her. I don't know what I'd do if I lost her, she's almost everything to me. I'm barely hanging on as is.
Well okay cat rant over. Thanks if you read.