I let you down

[Leavesfromthevine]

Late nights are always the worst. It brings back so many memories but often those memories involve you. I wish I could forget you but you had too much of an impact on me. I just wish I had a better impact on you.

I remember when we first met we just needed someone to talk to. A lonely pandemic had made you look for comfort where you could find it and well I just had always been alone anyway. Somehow after talking for hours we decided to keep talking which led for talking to days and eventually years.

Seeing the life if your eyes when we would talk would fill me with joy. You always had such a pure heart and was just excited to talk to me and share how are days went. No matter how bad my days were they always got better just having you around. After so many of my bad days though I could see the life draining from you.

It went for excitement to talk to noticing you wanting to avoid it as long as possible. You stayed as long as you could and I'm sorry I let you do that. I never intended to let you get close with me, I knew it was for the best to let you go on with life instead of have me a part of it. I suppose I was selfish for that.

I'm glad you left. Not because I don't care deeply for you but because it was for the best. Maybe now you can love life again. There's no more worrying about me, no more of my negativity. You told me to keep living and try to do my best and to talk to people so that I can find someone to make me happy. That was never going to happen.

I was never meant to be happy. My whole life has just been people hurting me. I don't know how to love. I'm better off as a temporary person. I can help show people what they deserve but I can't stay to give them that. I tried with you and I damn near killed all of your joy. I'm sorry.

You're gone now and hopefully life is treating you good. Your heart is beautiful and you deserve the best of life. I hope you never have to experience what I'm dealing with but it's okay. My suffering will end soon. I know if you ever find out I killed myself you'll be disappointed but it's for the best. This world is better off without me. There will be no more lonely cold days, I'll have peace at last.

 

[ropearoundatree]

Just wanted to say that every relationship is a two-way street... & so, while you are looking at this only from your end; just keep in mind, that there is also one from hers. It's very honorable how you have framed it, however/or though... & so, I can just tell your worth as a person, and the kind of heart that you have. She was lucky to have you. And it was a beautiful thing that you both shared. Sometimes, things just have a shelf-life, and it isn't necessarily about what's right or wrong, in terms of what's been done. It's more about the natural evolution & growth that occurs and takes place. So at a certain point, with these changes. We sometimes reach a place where we no longer recognize the person we once had, or knew. So I hope you can know all that and realize it too. Just so as to help counterbalance the rest of everything out.