Venting I lament not dying yesterday

[3FailedAttemptss]

As the title says, I lament not dying yesterday. It was a golden opportunity that doesn't come often. I managed to sneak out of the psych ward And get to the train tracks.

But something wasn't right. I couldn't hit send on my goodbyes to my ex. That was the only thing that was preventing me from killing myself was I just couldn't say goodbye. I couldn't hit send. I couldn't do it. I had everything written out. I had my voice message recorded. Everything was ready to go, but I just couldn't send it. Saying goodbye was just too difficult. I was even on the tracks. I feel like dying was the easy part, but hitting send was just impossible.

And now I'm stuck with the consequences of a prolonged stay in the psych ward and the two week no contact period is gonna be over pretty soon and I'm assuming my ex will contact me and I don't know how that's gonna affect me mentally, that scares me. I should've just killed myself. I hate that I'm alive. I hate it so much when I had such a good opportunity.

 

[HNR_]

You shouldn't beat yourself over it, sometimes, these sort of actions can be the hardest to actually do
Why? You're the only person that could figure it out I'm afraid
But hey, if you can, try to relax in the meantime, and maybe think about the reason why (assuming it was more subconscious than anything), it should help you figure out the course of action