Venting I know i sound so stupid

[sillyprincessmeow]

I probably sound so idiotic and like an attention whore to you guys oh my God, I'm so disappointed in myself for ever sharing any of the thoughts that I do with the world, I'm just such an evil person.
I just wanna be clear and let everybody know that I am not going to take my life simply because of one man.
I'm taking my life because from a very young age I have never experienced happiness or what being healthy is. I have never been able to eat enough or sleep enough or be comfortable enough or be able to live enough. I have never been able to have a conversation with my family and open up about the things that I feel, I've never been heard, since I was a little girl, and my mother would always tell me that I did not have What it takes to be depressed, I know she was going through a lot though.
I come from abusers, abused, drug addicts, alcoholics, mentally ill, psychos, my bloodline is nothing to be proud of, and as depressing as it is to say that, because I truly do love my family, there is nothing in this world that is worth staying for.
Like I replied to somebody, I've said this many times, the only way that I would ever stay alive is if I got exactly what I wanted because all I've done is stop people from hurting themselves and giving people the last few crumbs of myself that I have left.
My cup has never been poured into and I do not expect that to change soon. All I do is go out to clubs and fuck people, but I'm not a whore like that, I only did that one time and the dude was pretty chill so he was like a friend with benefits. But he ghosted me so I guess that doesn't matter.
But see, I am just genuinely a terrible person I've cheated on my ex? My boyfriend? I don't even know what it is anymore, more times than he probably has me, actually no I take that back, but I just did it a lot worse than he did.
I'm just so evil and childish and I will never be able to put myself in a position where I'll be happy so that's why I wanna take my life.

I don't wanna take my life because of someone, I wanna take my life because my life has never been good enough, I feel so bad for the little girl trapped inside of me. Nobody loved her and neither can I.

 

[bankai]

I can't say much about this since your issues are vastly different from mine. But I will say that it isn't stupid at all. Your struggles are very valid and you've obviously had a difficult life. I hope you find peace either way.

 

[iamrealandyouarenot]

On a very basic level cheating isn't a big deal. It's not kind. It's shitty, sure, but for the vast majority of human history, most humans did it in some form or another. It's not evil. There's a reason a ton of peoples favorite television characters cheat, because it's forgivable. If you feel guilty about something, there's nothing really to do aside from not doing it again. I've done far worse. So have my parents, grandparents, siblings, professors, doctors, bosses, etc. everyone does things they're not proud of, we're here too long not to. Don't beat yourself up about it too bad, even if you did something actually fucked up like you can still be better. There's nothing that can stop you from not repeating mistakes. Try to remember you're in control.

And I want to make it clear I say this as someone who has not cheated, and has been cheated on. I'm not biased.