Venting I keep getting hurt and it's getting harder to stay alive

[SanguineShark]

Once again turns out someone I considered a best friend for years, started slowly moving away from me for the whole past year, because I did something that annoyed them a year ago and they just never told me
I keep trusting people and bonding and loving them, only to fuck something up and get abandoned
I don't even know what I did, they haven't told me yet, they only mentioned it wasn't something big or something that I'd repeat so they just never brought it up
but they still decided to move away instead of talking
I'm never good enough and I will never be good enough, I hoped I'd have at least one good day this week, but ever since monday, every day is just pain and I keep having mental breakdowns.. Some of you may be aware of my posts this week
I hate myself and I hate people, I'm really on the edge and extremely close to just killing myself, I don't think anyone would miss me much at this point, I just keep getting more stressed and hurt which causes me to overreact emotionally to shit which hurts my relationships and will backfire and hurt me, it's an endless cycle I'm out of my control to stop, I will really consider just hanging myself this week
I'm so tired of pain, my whole life is just filled with endless suffering, I have no worth at all and I'm easily disposable, I don't think my death would be much of a loss to people, just one less pathetic fuck up in people's lives
How could someone so shitty and worthless like me get born on this planet?
Life is just not worth the effort

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Please understand that 99% of relationships are out the intent to gain something. It is human nature for people to be selfish and that is what will happen when they no longer stand to gain anything. I think most suicidal people tend to be more self-aware, which is why we leave and suffer in slience in these types of situations.

 

[SanguineShark]

Please understand that 99% of relationships are out the intent to gain something. It is human nature for people to be selfish and that is what will happen when they no longer stand to gain anything. I think most suicidal people tend to be more self-aware, which is why we leave and suffer in slience in these types of situations.

I'm a people pleaser, I always sacrifice myself for others hoping that will make me have some worth keeping around... but my actions don't change who I am, I'm replaceable and I will never be able to change that

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I can relate. I also learned the hard way that most people that would ever accept help from me aren't likely to ever reciprocate.