I keep doing drugs and making myself feel awful

[ScaredToLive]

Why am I doing this? I did it again. I did coke and have been an anxious mess again. I just want to die. I have a job helping people but I don't feel any better as I'm sad my dog is at home alone I just want to die really bad.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Are you coming down from coke atm?
It is not like you can just stop doing coke, so I wouldn't blame yourself for that.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Cocaine is a hell of a drug

 

[motel rooms]

Why am I doing this?

Because you hate yourself & you "just want to die really bad"... Why is that the case? I don't know, I'm not familiar with your life story, but I'm sure it's really sad...

 

[ScaredToLive]

Are you coming down from coke atm?
It is not like you can just stop doing coke, so I wouldn't blame yourself for that.

Yeah coming down and have terrible anxiety. Wanting to just hang myself to escape it

Because you hate yourself & you "just want to die really bad"... Why is that the case? I don't know, I'm not familiar with your life story, but I'm sure it's a really sad one...

A lot of things, I had terrible childhood, violent father, SA, went off the rails at 14, have never achieved any of the things should have, as I have had undiagnosed adhd till now (I'm 35). I think my self hatred stems from him, never giving me any praise for anything. It just spiraled. I've had a lot of trauma. I'm always anxious and hate myself for it

 

[Starryeyes]

Same! Got on it last night and regret it big time. Felt good at the time but the cone down spirals my depression

 

[ScaredToLive]

Same! Got on it last night and regret it big time. Felt good at the time but the cone down spirals my depression

It's the worst feeling I don't know why I keep doing it to myself. It's so stupid. I always feel like I've done something terrible and like I'm gonna get killed or something as stupid as that is
God I hope this community never ends, so many helpful people. So many nice people. You guys have helped me from the edge so
Many times
I've really thought a few times of contacting Vice and writing an anonymous article in defense of this site but I don't know if the site mods want any attention

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are in so much pain. Being alive really is horrible. I hope you find peace.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Yeah coming down and have terrible anxiety. Wanting to just hang myself to escape it

It is ok, It will pass. Just hang on for now. Have you thought about quitting coke?

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

not trying to encourage drug use, but if you're doing uppers its a good idea to have something to help the come down

 

[ScaredToLive]

It is ok, It will pass. Just hang on for now. Have you thought about quitting coke?

Thank you, it helps to know it will end. I have and a should do, I jus get drunk and I can't help it. I'm weak

not trying to encourage drug use, but if you're doing uppers its a good idea to have something to help the come down

I have Valium, and honestly I fell asleep quite easily after but I woke up with the worst anxiety it was absolutely horrible. I usually hVe Valium for the comedown but even ten of them didn't work today

 

[alwaysdopesick]

I use colonazolam occasionally for anxiety/sleep/recreation, but I sont encourage anyone else use it. Sounds like stimulants just not be your thing man.