Ｓanctioned Suicide
Member
- Jul 19, 2023
- 17
My heart is racing, I just saw something that showed me how fucked up humans can really be, but that also just made me fucking snap. Like my mental just broke, like who I am as a person just changed and became ever so slightly worse. I just want it to all fade to black, not even black though, like the lack of a true color or thing in general, whatever true nonexistence is. However I take the thought that the end of ones life should be based upon something more than the relationships we have to people, and though I have fully decided that my life isn't worth living, like the bad's immensely outweigh the goods, it doesn't mean I should ctb at a moment in time when I'm feeling more pain than I ever have just because that pain was caused by the fucked up actions of another. Though at this point none of it really matters, and even though this is like the only moment I could ever put one to my head and pull it, because in other moments there is a concept of (fear?) or I'm not even sure it's that, but in this one I could do it all sober, but not clear minded however I would rather be clear minded yet not sober. Fuck do I probably sound nuts.
I saw a lot of traumatizing shit on the Internet when I was younger that made me feel sick to my stomach and I found it helps to watch videos of animals getting rescued; that's one of the few good things humans do anymore
