Venting i just want to die peacefully in my bed

[sevennn]

im so extremely tired. is it even possible. why is peaceful death illegal. i cant do any of the methods. should i just eat less and less everyday until one day i just wont wake up anymore. i cant see any other way out. pls. why is there nothing i can do. i just want to die. im so tired. im just one big ball of pain and thats it. i cant. i dont want to hang myself. its not fair. i dont deserve that. i cant see any other way. just starving. slowly. nobody loves me. and now i just gotta die i could just die from the mental pain if it was possible. i wish it was. this tinnitus is killing my brain inside out. i wish it could eat my brain and leave me for dead. its maddening. punishment. and i had never been properly hugged by someone who isnt family. or kissed. never had a job. never did anything. because it ate at me and ate at me. until i crippled. its too much punishment for doing nothing wrong. for doing nothing. im tired and im done. i just want to die. i dont want to commit anything. i dont want to put forth any more effort into anything. i dont want the embrace of a rope on my neck. its cold and distant. i just want someone to embrace me and to die in my bed. just sleep. why is it so difficult. im of no use. i cant work i wont ever have children. i barely buy anything. why keep me alive. im a ghost im not even a proper slave to the gov-ment. just done. i just want out of this pain. too much punishment. no one cares. no one makes treatment for us. no one spares money for us. told to habituate and get over it. and live in pain. because no one cares. we will never be happy. the noise will continue eating at some brains and we will continue dropping like flies because there are so many people. because they are expendable and only a few of us are buzzing and ringing an hissing and going mental. who cares. whats it matter. i was walking in google maps. looking at pretty houses and ugly houses. well off countries and poor countries. and all the people. and realised thousands and thousands and billions of people. with all their personal pain and personal bliss. whats it matter to all of these people if i die. they wont even laugh. they dont know who i am. i realised why theres no empathy. look at those houses and how far away they are from me. why would they care. why would anyone care about anyone. not because you are evil but you are just unable. they wont ever even be able to imagine me or how i look or what i thought and felt and what my life is like. and know for sure im real. just like i wont ever know them and be aware of them. why would they care about me. im a fictional character. i cant even be thought of randomly. too many variables. unless they see me. ill die and no one but one family will notice. so why does it matter so much. i dont have to go far. i can look out my window. the building opposite of mine. who lives there i cant imagine. i cant know. and they cant know me. and they dont care either. you dont have to go far. just a couple steps. till nobody cares anymore. i wish no one cared right where i stand. so that i lived alone and so that i can die. rant rant rant. just kill me now. theres nothing to attempt. im tired of attempting a good life or a normal life or an endurant life or no life. just give me the death part already. im fuckign tired