Method I just ordered my SN.

[DesperateChallenge]

This weekend I was so close to saying f-it... but I am not confident that my plan of using horse tranqs (acepromazine) would work. Plus, my therapists son is getting married this weekend and I didn't want to ruin that for him by making him get a phone call saying I killed myself right before his sons wedding. So, I have been reading up on SN and I ordered some from amazon. My meto came in last week that I ordered off eBay.

Even though my suicidal ideations are not bad now (5/10 vs 8+\10 this weekend), it is comforting knowing that I am one step closer to having a means to an end should I decide to go that route. It's been four years of hell with PTSD and having intense negative feelings about myself because of it. I've never had the guts to shoot myself, this seems like a good method to consider based on my research. It's amazing how just having the stuff on hand can bring a sense of peace and calmness. I won't set a date but rather let my mind tell me when enough is enough. This weekend would have been it if it wasn't for the things mentioned above.

 

[JazzyWolfWhistle]

How did you get acepromazine?

 

[DesperateChallenge]

How did you get acepromazine?

@JazzyWolfWhistle I have three horses and ordered it from the vet long before I planned to CTB. I have also seen it on racehorsemeds.com.
If I thought I could get enough of a stronger sedative I would do that, like Xylazine. I may try but I doubt they would prescribe enough at one time to be reliably effective to use to CTB.

 

[Lara Francis]

It' strange really because there is a great sense of relief and excitement in knowing you can ctb at any given time but I find it also adds pressure to keep to the timescale you may have set and the whole idea could now become reality.
There seems to be no possibility of someone changing my mind as it also increases your determination to succeed should everything deteriorate

 

[Kdawg2018]

Will the acepromazine do the trick or not? $20 a bottle...

 

[Crest33]

It' strange really because there is a great sense of relief and excitement in knowing you can ctb at any given time but I find it also adds pressure to keep to the timescale you may have set and the whole idea could now become reality.
There seems to be no possibility of someone changing my mind as it also increases your determination to succeed should everything deteriorate

I have my sn but I have not the feeling i can ctb any time i want. I need to stop eating, take the right tablets at the right moment, drive to the location. The reality will hit hard when a date will be picked.

 

[DesperateChallenge]

Will the acepromazine do the trick or not? $20 a bottle...

I am NOT confident that acepromazine will work. There are only a few reported cases of injection of horse tranq for suicide/murder but it is not clear how much or if a different tranq was used. I just ordered Xylazine on eBay which is stronger but still doesn't make me sure that it will work.