I just lost the only source of joy in life.... i don't want to live anymore

[Strangeasangels]

Almost 13 years ago I adopted a beautiful black cat named Magic. I never knew a human could have such a close bond to an animal. Whenever I would feel stressed or down, I would hold her to me and let her purr. She'd rub her face all over my glasses and often lick my face. We loved each other so much. I have owned cats in the past but Magic was special. I made sure to feed her only the highest quality food. I took her to the vet annually for a checkup and at the first sign that something was amyss. I thought for sure that doing everything the right way, would extend her life. It didn't. A couple of months ago I noticed lumps on her. I immediately took her to the vet. The problem is the vet who had treated her always had just sold her practice. The new vet wasn't thorough, dismissed the bumps as benign fatty tumours called lipomas. Magic was also coughing and that was something I also raised to the vet. "Let me know if it gets worse". It did, so did the bumps. I called. I emailed. They never got back to me. I tried to make an appointment with another vet but since she was a "new patient", there were long wait times. The soonest I could get her in somewhere else was at the end of the month.

Saturday, she was struggling to breathe. I took her to the ER. They did an Xray and informed me that she had cancer. The lipoma the other vet had shrugged off was actually a cancerous tumor. I had to euthanize Magic 3 days ago and it is killing me. I am so angry. I am so depressed. I have no joy in life. I can't sleep without taking a ton of sleeping meds. I can't eat. I have had to cancel work meetings because I cannot keep it together.

I really don't want to live anymore. I just want to end it. I'm 55. I have nobody really. Magic was it. We took care of each other.

I could get a gun but i always felt they were so violent. Is there a place where N is legal and wher I could book a hotel then visit the pharmacy buy it and then CTB in my hotel? Magic was really the only thing keeping me from ending my life. I would never leave her but now I really have no reason to stay. I'm ready to end this.

Please help me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I read about people on this website travelling to Mexico to buy N, but anyway it must be really painful what you are going through and of course it's certainly understandable wishing to finally be free from everything, there's just too much suffering in existing. I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[Rocinante]

My condolences, and sorry to hear the traumatic circumstances which led to your pets passing.

 

[Strangeasangels]

I read about people on this website travelling to Mexico to buy N, but anyway it must be really painful what you are going through and of course it's certainly understandable wishing to finally be free from everything, there's just too much suffering in existing. I wish you the best with your plans.

Thank you... do you know where in Mexico they went to? Do you know if it is a hassle to get N in Mexico? Do you just go to a pharmacy and get it? I really know nothing even about how to administer the N so if you can educate me, point me to resources, I'd be greatful. Thank you.

 

[thecolourgold]

I'm so sorry to hear about Magic. I hope you're able to find some peace. I have two cats and if I ever lost them I would be broken forever

 

[Terrible00]

I feel very sorry for what you have been going through, a pet could be the best that has happened to one. And losing it gives you the will to follow it to the other side.

I hope everything goes well and planned, I wish you goodluck.

 

[CursedReality88]

I know losing a loved one is hard, but before you attempt to ctb, have you thought about adopting another cat?

 

[Aisley]

That's a horrible loss. And a horrible vet. So sorry.
N is available, a few people here got some quite recently. Look through the threads. You will need to go to a vet and unfortunately, tell them you need it for a sick pet, very triggering at this moment for you. But it exists. I think someone said Tijuana, but I'm a little slow and could have gotten that wrong. But it's the best way out, and if you're willing and able to travel, then you should.

 

[EntomologicalCat]

Almost 13 years ago I adopted a beautiful black cat named Magic. I never knew a human could have such a close bond to an animal.

I know how you feel. I lost my 16 year old cat back in April. I slept with her every night when I noticed that she was getting sick. One night, I held her in my arms. She had a seizure and died while I was holding her, and it was an incredibly traumatic event for me. We got her when I was 2, and I grew up with her. There were times where she was the closest thing to a friend I had, and after she died I was expected to move on immediately because "it's just a cat". No one really understood how close I was to her, or how witnessing her die in the middle of the night was traumatizing. I still have nightmares and panic attacks thinking about it. I made 2 attempts after that because I really just wanted to see her again.

I wish you the best.

 

[DurkheimsCat]

I'm so sorry to hear about Magic. I lost my dear cat last year and it destroyed me. Message @Vizzy about his connection in Mexico but do it soon because he's planning to CTB.

 

[Unattainable666]

Almost 13 years ago I adopted a beautiful black cat named Magic. I never knew a human could have such a close bond to an animal. Whenever I would feel stressed or down, I would hold her to me and let her purr. She'd rub her face all over my glasses and often lick my face. We loved each other so much. I have owned cats in the past but Magic was special. I made sure to feed her only the highest quality food. I took her to the vet annually for a checkup and at the first sign that something was amyss. I thought for sure that doing everything the right way, would extend her life. It didn't. A couple of months ago I noticed lumps on her. I immediately took her to the vet. The problem is the vet who had treated her always had just sold her practice. The new vet wasn't thorough, dismissed the bumps as benign fatty tumours called lipomas. Magic was also coughing and that was something I also raised to the vet. "Let me know if it gets worse". It did, so did the bumps. I called. I emailed. They never got back to me. I tried to make an appointment with another vet but since she was a "new patient", there were long wait times. The soonest I could get her in somewhere else was at the end of the month.

Saturday, she was struggling to breathe. I took her to the ER. They did an Xray and informed me that she had cancer. The lipoma the other vet had shrugged off was actually a cancerous tumor. I had to euthanize Magic 3 days ago and it is killing me. I am so angry. I am so depressed. I have no joy in life. I can't sleep without taking a ton of sleeping meds. I can't eat. I have had to cancel work meetings because I cannot keep it together.

I really don't want to live anymore. I just want to end it. I'm 55. I have nobody really. Magic was it. We took care of each other.

I could get a gun but i always felt they were so violent. Is there a place where N is legal and wher I could book a hotel then visit the pharmacy buy it and then CTB in my hotel? Magic was really the only thing keeping me from ending my life. I would never leave her but now I really have no reason to stay. I'm ready to end this.

Please help me.

OMG this could be my story. I'm 61 and my cat has been with me for 14 years. I've also had cats before but this little girl chose me. She has been my life preserver for all these years. She has been diagnosed with liver cancer (100% fatal). I'm just watching her day by day. Some days are good and some aren't I know she is going to go soon, and quite honestly she is the only person I am living for. Without her I don't want to be here either. Please accept my sympathy on Magic's passing. I believe you did the right thing by putting her to sleep. SHe was probably in a great deal of pain. You are more than welcome to pm me if you want. I do understand.

 

[chessa]

Almost 13 years ago I adopted a beautiful black cat named Magic. I never knew a human could have such a close bond to an animal. Whenever I would feel stressed or down, I would hold her to me and let her purr. She'd rub her face all over my glasses and often lick my face. We loved each other so much. I have owned cats in the past but Magic was special. I made sure to feed her only the highest quality food. I took her to the vet annually for a checkup and at the first sign that something was amyss. I thought for sure that doing everything the right way, would extend her life. It didn't. A couple of months ago I noticed lumps on her. I immediately took her to the vet. The problem is the vet who had treated her always had just sold her practice. The new vet wasn't thorough, dismissed the bumps as benign fatty tumours called lipomas. Magic was also coughing and that was something I also raised to the vet. "Let me know if it gets worse". It did, so did the bumps. I called. I emailed. They never got back to me. I tried to make an appointment with another vet but since she was a "new patient", there were long wait times. The soonest I could get her in somewhere else was at the end of the month.

Saturday, she was struggling to breathe. I took her to the ER. They did an Xray and informed me that she had cancer. The lipoma the other vet had shrugged off was actually a cancerous tumor. I had to euthanize Magic 3 days ago and it is killing me. I am so angry. I am so depressed. I have no joy in life. I can't sleep without taking a ton of sleeping meds. I can't eat. I have had to cancel work meetings because I cannot keep it together.

I really don't want to live anymore. I just want to end it. I'm 55. I have nobody really. Magic was it. We took care of each other.

I could get a gun but i always felt they were so violent. Is there a place where N is legal and wher I could book a hotel then visit the pharmacy buy it and then CTB in my hotel? Magic was really the only thing keeping me from ending my life. I would never leave her but now I really have no reason to stay. I'm ready to end this.

Please help me.

I'm so sorry for your loss, before attempting CTB please reach out to someone. CTB is permanent, There is no peace with death. I hope you can find peace, outside of CTB.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

my condolences i can relate, i lost my cat a while ago and that was the final nail in the coffin

 

[Deleted member 31858]

I'm really sorry about Magic, I can't imagine how you must feel and I know that no words will comfort you but she is already resting without illness and you gave her 13 wonderful years full of love, I really hope you find peace soon, I send you a hug

 

[90starve]

Almost 13 years ago I adopted a beautiful black cat named Magic. I never knew a human could have such a close bond to an animal. Whenever I would feel stressed or down, I would hold her to me and let her purr. She'd rub her face all over my glasses and often lick my face. We loved each other so much. I have owned cats in the past but Magic was special. I made sure to feed her only the highest quality food. I took her to the vet annually for a checkup and at the first sign that something was amyss. I thought for sure that doing everything the right way, would extend her life. It didn't. A couple of months ago I noticed lumps on her. I immediately took her to the vet. The problem is the vet who had treated her always had just sold her practice. The new vet wasn't thorough, dismissed the bumps as benign fatty tumours called lipomas. Magic was also coughing and that was something I also raised to the vet. "Let me know if it gets worse". It did, so did the bumps. I called. I emailed. They never got back to me. I tried to make an appointment with another vet but since she was a "new patient", there were long wait times. The soonest I could get her in somewhere else was at the end of the month.

Saturday, she was struggling to breathe. I took her to the ER. They did an Xray and informed me that she had cancer. The lipoma the other vet had shrugged off was actually a cancerous tumor. I had to euthanize Magic 3 days ago and it is killing me. I am so angry. I am so depressed. I have no joy in life. I can't sleep without taking a ton of sleeping meds. I can't eat. I have had to cancel work meetings because I cannot keep it together.

I really don't want to live anymore. I just want to end it. I'm 55. I have nobody really. Magic was it. We took care of each other.

I could get a gun but i always felt they were so violent. Is there a place where N is legal and wher I could book a hotel then visit the pharmacy buy it and then CTB in my hotel? Magic was really the only thing keeping me from ending my life. I would never leave her but now I really have no reason to stay. I'm ready to end this.

Please help me.

this is a devastating story that brought me to tears reading. im heartbroken for you </3

i hope you can find peace from this.

 

[The anhedonic one]

So sorry you lost your fur baby.
Animals bring so much comfort and joy.
The bond between animals and humans can be just as strong - or even stronger than the bond between humans.
You can buy N in Tijuana In Mexico.
This is what I am planning to do.

 

[outrider567]

Almost 13 years ago I adopted a beautiful black cat named Magic. I never knew a human could have such a close bond to an animal. Whenever I would feel stressed or down, I would hold her to me and let her purr. She'd rub her face all over my glasses and often lick my face. We loved each other so much. I have owned cats in the past but Magic was special. I made sure to feed her only the highest quality food. I took her to the vet annually for a checkup and at the first sign that something was amyss. I thought for sure that doing everything the right way, would extend her life. It didn't. A couple of months ago I noticed lumps on her. I immediately took her to the vet. The problem is the vet who had treated her always had just sold her practice. The new vet wasn't thorough, dismissed the bumps as benign fatty tumours called lipomas. Magic was also coughing and that was something I also raised to the vet. "Let me know if it gets worse". It did, so did the bumps. I called. I emailed. They never got back to me. I tried to make an appointment with another vet but since she was a "new patient", there were long wait times. The soonest I could get her in somewhere else was at the end of the month.

Saturday, she was struggling to breathe. I took her to the ER. They did an Xray and informed me that she had cancer. The lipoma the other vet had shrugged off was actually a cancerous tumor. I had to euthanize Magic 3 days ago and it is killing me. I am so angry. I am so depressed. I have no joy in life. I can't sleep without taking a ton of sleeping meds. I can't eat. I have had to cancel work meetings because I cannot keep it together.

I really don't want to live anymore. I just want to end it. I'm 55. I have nobody really. Magic was it. We took care of each other.

I could get a gun but i always felt they were so violent. Is there a place where N is legal and wher I could book a hotel then visit the pharmacy buy it and then CTB in my hotel? Magic was really the only thing keeping me from ending my life. I would never leave her but now I really have no reason to stay. I'm ready to end this.

Please help me.

We were in shock when our beloved Calico cat died after 13 years, and we both shed a lot of tears, we actually went to cemeteries to see where we wanted to be in our own final resting place--We didn't know what do, so we binged on escapist fare like the Roger Moore Bond movies, anything to try to get thru it

 

[LadyAlastor]

Charcoal suicide?
It's how I'm going out.

 

[WaitingToGo]

So sorry to read this and my condolences. I will be the same as you when my boy Stan passes. I adore him and he's keeping me going. I have 2 cats but Stan is super special. They are like our children and we grieve just as much when they pass. Sending you a big hug.

 

[Strangeasangels]

I know losing a loved one is hard, but before you attempt to ctb, have you thought about adopting another cat?

I cannot replace Magic. She was one in a million....

 

[CursedReality88]

I cannot replace Magic. She was one in a million....

Don't think of it as replacing. Magic will always be Magic. That doesn't mean another cat can't make you happy in different ways though. Magic will always have a special place in your heart regardless. I'd say give it a try.

 

[IndyAna]

I'm sorry for your loss, losing a pet is so painful

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm sorry for your loss. I love animals, especially cats.

 

[Watlock]

I am so sorry. I hope you do whatever makes you the happiest. I hate it for you. That is so heart breaking my friend.

 

[OceanBlue]

I'm sorry for your loss, she lived a long life and as for humans the end is often unkind, but you did your best and your friend did not suffer for too long.

CTB is permanent, There is no peace with death. I hope you can find peace, outside of CTB.

You know what's not permanent? life.

 

[Strangeasangels]

I'm so sorry for your loss, before attempting CTB please reach out to someone. CTB is permanent, There is no peace with death. I hope you can find peace, outside of CTB.

Reach out to who? I'm going to be 56 next month. My nephew committed suicide. I am well aware of the permanence. It's my life. It should be my choice to end it if I have no joy and everyday is torturous.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Reach out to who? I'm going to be 56 next month. My nephew committed suicide. I am well aware of the permanence. It's my life. It should be my choice to end it if I have no joy and everyday is torturous.

Sorry for everything you have been through. Some people will never understand unless they have gone through it themselves.
Everyone should be allowed the right to die if they choose.
Really we will only be missed by people who know us, the rest of the world won't give a shit.