helicoptero
Estoy cansado jefe...
- Jun 6, 2023
- 71
No need to read this stupid long vent, I just need a hug...
After a year of being better, yesterday my only reason to live ended. I don't know how I will try to live anymore.
That person gave me back happiness and peace, a goal to reach and a wish that I wanted with all my heart to come true, something that I totally lost for 6 years prior to meeting him. In all that time I had other relationships, even some really meaningful to me, people I got to love, but it wasn't enough to help me keep going.
I did my best to keep this relationship healthy. Every problem we had, which were maybe 2 or 3 in all this time, I did my best to talk about it in therapy. I did my best to save money to be together, got up from the bed in which I was laying in for years and started living and making efforts again. I can't blame him, if he doesn't feel the same I can't do anything about that... It's over.
Now everything feels heavy again, I don't even know how I will keep going anymore. To add more to it, my therapists insurance cover ended. I won't see them anymore, just one of them and once or, with some luck, twice a month. I used to see them twice a week or more, I am clearly not ready for such a big change of routine, and now that this happened I need more support than ever... I don't know what I will do. I don't want to be in psych ward again.
My family and friends support me, and I really appreciate it with all my heart. But I just can't stay without a purpose, it just doesn't make sense to me. And there's nothing that interests me enough, it had been this way for years before meeting him
I don't want to do anything bad, I don't want to self harm again, I don't want to smoke, to drink or take any kind of drug. None of that helped when I was feeling so bad the last time. It's like it was pointless. I was about to end it all when he came to my life by chance, I wasn't looking for a relationship. He saved me without wanting or knowing it, even when we were just friends, he was so special... He gave me a reason to keep fighting these stupid mental health issues or whatever you want to call it. He was the sun that brightened up all my days, my first and last thought in the morning and at night, the one who gave me support without even talking much about my problems, his sweet and happy presence was all I needed. I didn't even vented with him much or talked often about my issues, I really tried so hard to make it as chill as I could. But that didn't prevent this tragic ending.
He said it's not my fault and he doesn't feel deserving of me. Says I'm too good for him... Not the first time I have heard this, probably something is wrong with me. Well many things are... but I mean as a couple.
All of that could be fixed if he wanted to, but then he said he doesn't feel the same anymore... There's nothing to be done in that case. It's just over
I don't know anything, I don't know what to do. I just feel so sad, empty and numb at the same time. I just need a hug. I'm sorry for writing so much, I feel so bad I vented with people I barely know. I'm lost and desperate
After a year of being better, yesterday my only reason to live ended. I don't know how I will try to live anymore.
That person gave me back happiness and peace, a goal to reach and a wish that I wanted with all my heart to come true, something that I totally lost for 6 years prior to meeting him. In all that time I had other relationships, even some really meaningful to me, people I got to love, but it wasn't enough to help me keep going.
I did my best to keep this relationship healthy. Every problem we had, which were maybe 2 or 3 in all this time, I did my best to talk about it in therapy. I did my best to save money to be together, got up from the bed in which I was laying in for years and started living and making efforts again. I can't blame him, if he doesn't feel the same I can't do anything about that... It's over.
Now everything feels heavy again, I don't even know how I will keep going anymore. To add more to it, my therapists insurance cover ended. I won't see them anymore, just one of them and once or, with some luck, twice a month. I used to see them twice a week or more, I am clearly not ready for such a big change of routine, and now that this happened I need more support than ever... I don't know what I will do. I don't want to be in psych ward again.
My family and friends support me, and I really appreciate it with all my heart. But I just can't stay without a purpose, it just doesn't make sense to me. And there's nothing that interests me enough, it had been this way for years before meeting him
I don't want to do anything bad, I don't want to self harm again, I don't want to smoke, to drink or take any kind of drug. None of that helped when I was feeling so bad the last time. It's like it was pointless. I was about to end it all when he came to my life by chance, I wasn't looking for a relationship. He saved me without wanting or knowing it, even when we were just friends, he was so special... He gave me a reason to keep fighting these stupid mental health issues or whatever you want to call it. He was the sun that brightened up all my days, my first and last thought in the morning and at night, the one who gave me support without even talking much about my problems, his sweet and happy presence was all I needed. I didn't even vented with him much or talked often about my issues, I really tried so hard to make it as chill as I could. But that didn't prevent this tragic ending.
He said it's not my fault and he doesn't feel deserving of me. Says I'm too good for him... Not the first time I have heard this, probably something is wrong with me. Well many things are... but I mean as a couple.
All of that could be fixed if he wanted to, but then he said he doesn't feel the same anymore... There's nothing to be done in that case. It's just over
I don't know anything, I don't know what to do. I just feel so sad, empty and numb at the same time. I just need a hug. I'm sorry for writing so much, I feel so bad I vented with people I barely know. I'm lost and desperate
