I was in a bipolar, college and two neurodivergent self-help groups.
And I have the feeling I often don't fit in. I think I fit in Sanctioned Suicide. Even though my use of SaSu is quite different compared to most members use it.
I have the feeling in the biplolar self-help group my autism made me an outcast.
And in neurodivergent groups my psychosis and bipolar disorder makes me a pariah.
There are not that many people with bipolar, psychosis and autism. And very likely I am also very different to most patients with this combination.
I think in the college self-help group most people were way more functional than me.
I notice this often. There are not that many people who are as dysfunctional as me. There are not that many people in so much pain for such a long time. We speak a different language when they say after bad times there will come better times.
In my autism self-help group I told them I feel bad. I think they wonder why I often stay silent. Honestly, I feel ashamed of what is going on in my mind and life. The excessive self-loathing. the perpetual suicidal thoughts, I cannot do any shit. I am so sensitive to stimulus. I also have the feeling these people don't really like me because I am different to them. I don't talk much. Because I have the feeling they cannot relate to my issues. They are more existential. The topics that talk about are so boring. And then you notice most people hide bad stuff in their life. Someone got so fucking generic and ignorant advices. And I just lost the interest to share my sorrows. I am not sure why I am still joining them. Sometimes you get helpful information in how to receive help. But often I also feel so alienated.
I was pretty unstable recently. And I just don't like to talk about that in self-help group. Because in many cases they will judge you. They might think this group isn't made for people like you.
There was a time I felt comfortable in my college self-help group. But it often depends on the members of that group. I have the feeling the scope of problems is just to different. My problems are more akin to the problems of members on here. The excesssive self-loathing and the daily suicidal thoughts. And either the people in these groups don't have these problems are they are hiding them. I mix of both could be true. It is working for me all that well.
And I have the feeling I often don't fit in. I think I fit in Sanctioned Suicide. Even though my use of SaSu is quite different compared to most members use it.
I have the feeling in the biplolar self-help group my autism made me an outcast.
And in neurodivergent groups my psychosis and bipolar disorder makes me a pariah.
There are not that many people with bipolar, psychosis and autism. And very likely I am also very different to most patients with this combination.
I think in the college self-help group most people were way more functional than me.
I notice this often. There are not that many people who are as dysfunctional as me. There are not that many people in so much pain for such a long time. We speak a different language when they say after bad times there will come better times.
In my autism self-help group I told them I feel bad. I think they wonder why I often stay silent. Honestly, I feel ashamed of what is going on in my mind and life. The excessive self-loathing. the perpetual suicidal thoughts, I cannot do any shit. I am so sensitive to stimulus. I also have the feeling these people don't really like me because I am different to them. I don't talk much. Because I have the feeling they cannot relate to my issues. They are more existential. The topics that talk about are so boring. And then you notice most people hide bad stuff in their life. Someone got so fucking generic and ignorant advices. And I just lost the interest to share my sorrows. I am not sure why I am still joining them. Sometimes you get helpful information in how to receive help. But often I also feel so alienated.
I was pretty unstable recently. And I just don't like to talk about that in self-help group. Because in many cases they will judge you. They might think this group isn't made for people like you.
There was a time I felt comfortable in my college self-help group. But it often depends on the members of that group. I have the feeling the scope of problems is just to different. My problems are more akin to the problems of members on here. The excesssive self-loathing and the daily suicidal thoughts. And either the people in these groups don't have these problems are they are hiding them. I mix of both could be true. It is working for me all that well.
